I'm Back: Pac-10 Football Is Better Than SEC Football (Part One)

Fans of the SEC, I have returned with the riveting truth about the superiority of your conference: it sucks.

I have been compelled over these last couple fortnights to ascertain my presence on this planet. I was forced into solitary confinement for a period of time. Let it be known that this time off from Bleacher Report has only made me stronger.

In my time of solitary confinement, I have learned to recognize my place on this earth, and my ultimate goal: to shut up all you SEC fans who will have your little southern, God-fearing, cotton-picking hearts broken this season. It’s time to reveal the facts.

This time, I actually did some research. Before, I just knew that the Pac-10 conference was superior in every way to the SEC. I could get some simple statistics in three minutes and conclude that the Pac-10 was far superior to the SEC.

However, some of you Southerners just do not understand the simplicity of my argument. Out on the West Coast, simplicity is zen. But you guys just did not get my series, “Pac-10 Football Is Better Than SEC Football.”

I am going to call out the Bleacher Report users that I feel need to be called out in this debate. I am going to prove you wrong. Everything you write on Bleacher Report, I read. Every wrong statement you make, I place in my little memory box. So be scared.

If I call you out, it is meant to be offensive. And it should be embarrassing for you. But all of you here at Bleacher Report have embarrassed me. But I do not take it personally, as even Jesus’ people kill him. As the great Bob Udkoff once said, “Hate is such a luxurious emotion, it can only be spent on one we love.”

After conducting my research this time, I now know in my heart of hearts that Pac-10 is “The King of Conferences” (I appreciate the joke of an article though, Brian Scott).

In each one of my arguments, I’m going to lay all the data on the table. Unlike many of you SEC fans who do not want to put the data on the table, I’m going to. Say that I’m wrong, and it only makes me stronger.

Somewhere in the Bible it says, “Give, and it shall be given to you. For whatever measure you deal out to others, it will be dealt to you in return.” Boy, I hope so, because tonight I am laying the smackdown.

In Brian Scott’s article entitled, “SEC Fans: The Force Behind the King of Conferences,” he makes some ridiculous claims that the SEC is the best conference.

From the very beginning, he is correct: “It’s not clear why the sports media spends so much time debating which of the BCS conferences is the best. On paper, the answer is simple.” I say this is correct because the SEC does look like the best conference in the country on paper.

One of the first things that comes to mind when I think about the SEC is that they are vastly overrated. By the media, by the fans, and by themselves. Therefore, the SEC does look like the best conference on paper.

Go on to Part 2.