Their kids will be beautiful and pampered, but will most certainly require specially-made baseball caps to fit their enormous heads.
So 99 percent of the world is crying foul when it comes to Mr. Bonds and his alleged hobbies, but I'm here to argue that the juice—no not OJ...the other juice—is actually good for baseball.
Before you get your moralist floral panties in a bunch, I feel the need to quote the late Danish travel tycoon, Simon Spies.
"There's no such thing as bad publicity."
Based on recent baseball attendance and television viewership, the Steroid Era has certainly been proof of that. After all, 2007 MLB revenues were at a new record high—$6.075 billion.
Are you one of the dying breed—are you a "baseball purist"? Are you still not convinced?
Perhaps we should ask the likes of the NHL. Given hockey's less than stellar TV numbers (Game Three of the Stanley Cup Finals set a new record for the lowest-rated program in prime-time television history), Garry Bettman would kill to see one of his league's stars plastered across the nightly news.
Still not convinced?
Well, you need not be, as the majority of this democracy have spoken.
America loves its drama. America loves to see a Shakespearean tragedy played out in the headlines.
Bonds is the King, and his servants sure do love to revel in his demise.
Barry's downfall is the giant wreck that Nascar fans wait for every time they head to the track. He's become the poster-child for middle America's growing disillusionment with greedy pro athletes.
If the water cooler has taught us anything—and it certainly has, as I just found out that Helio Castroneves is not only the Dancing with the Stars winner, but has also won the Indianapolis 500...twice!...
Where was I?
Oh yes—if the water cooler has taught us anything, it's that scandal sells, and Barry Lamar Bonds has done for baseball what Bill Clinton did for cigars and dry-cleaning.
(Okay, even I'm grimacing with that reference, but at least it cuts to the point.)
I say if baseball revenues have grown with Barry's hat size, MLB should pour itself another glass of the juice...or perhaps just apply some more of that arthritis balm.
In any event, the country's old and tired hearts have once again found the national pastime—and we should thank the defibrillator better known as Barry Bonds for the jolt.
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