UFC: Psst, Georges, Do You Want to Know a Secret?

Once again I am imagining overhearing a conversation wherein Anderson Silva gives some sage advise on being a UFC champion.

"Hey Georges, my good Canadian friend. You know you have made a few mistakes on your way up through the ranks to be the UFC Welterweight champion. I am not being critical of you, but just want to mention a few thing for you to consider.

Letting the interviewers know that you speak English was a big boo-boo on your part. You should do what I do and pretend you know virtually nothing of the language and only speak through a translator. This is best for so many reasons, but primarily you have deniability and can claim to have misunderstood a question if you innocently say something controversial, or blame the translator. One of the hard to learn English idioms is "something was lost in the translation." This is a very good one because it gives you a very good explanation for any misunderstanding resulting from your reply to an interviewer's questions. Do not be afraid to use these as excuses.

Never give out anything about your family. Say you were raised by wolves in the Canadian wilderness, thus your fighting ferocity and great take downs and high vertical jumping ability. If you should ever use your elbows like your great friend David Loiseau, being raised by untamed creatures of the wilderness is a great explanation.

If the vultures which Americans call "the press" ever get wind of your true family they will try to dig up dirt with the persistence of a badger and tear them apart like a Grizzly on the prod. Trust me, it will not be pretty to try to bring honor to your kin once the reporters have "discovered them." Neither you nor they will be able to ever buy your privacy back once the word gets out you are human--stick with the wolves, reporters are cowardly and will not pursue interviews with those who can defend themselves so efficiently. I speak the truth, my friend.

And please don't ever admit to having a love interest! Oh, that is the kiss of death! If you think my predator analogy was untrue, how can I communicate the danger of a love interest. Like a small craft adrift on the ocean you will be at the mercy of a press that is not unlike finding yourself suddenly in the eye of a hurricane! If you think that you have survived the Mandy Moore frenzy and could also survive this. you are very naive my brother.

As it is you have been hunted down to the gyms at which you train which should be considered as places of refuge like a religious cathedral and offer you the same protection from prying eyes and curious spectators.

Indeed, how many meals have you spent trying to nourish your body while a reporter explores your most private feelings and your psyche? Eating a creamed corn and potato delicacy can allow them to catch you off guard and ambush you in the next day's edition of "The Sun." It has happened too many times.

Even your friends and training partners become fair game, and surely you do not want your friendships exploited as your supposed secret romance with Ms. Moore was? What a humiliating fiasco for both of you that was. And I secretly believe Dana White enjoyed seeing your discomfort as the gossip mill continued to grind on this one; some continue to ask about it even now. Do you see what I am getting at.

Ah, and the challengers like to muck up your peace and serenity too, since someone first brought up the psychological issues you had after Serra won your first fight. That was so ugly. Do not try to be "human" like your fans are by mentioning things such as that. But you know better now not to let anyone see you holding a brick. As to the Pete Sell incident with his calling you a "mental midget" for not wanting to fight in bars; how ludicrous was that statement? I hope you did not lose sleep over it before you won your second fight with Matty?

Letting all the desperate femmes know you go to movies twice a week was not wise, if you indeed wish to sit unconcerned about intrusive, lustful fans wishing to feel you up in the darkened movie theater. Another dangerous revelation.

Soon you will need increased security measures and bodyguards to insure that you have a modicum of privacy.

Surely you now realize what lengths that crazy islander will go to in trying to find a way to steal your title and belt. What a shame that would be, considering that he had it once and valued it so little then that he walked away from it and had to be pursued by UFC president Dana White all over the world just to bring his wahini chasing hienie back to the organization. That was not done in a minute of good judgement was it?

Well I am sure that before this is over both Dana and the fans will get a "clearer" picture of who is the better man.

Until then Georges, take some time off, take care of yourself, enjoy what your efforts have afforded you; just be your own man and do things on your own schedule, not anyone else's.

Salud! GSP you are the man!"