Atlanta Thrashers Fans Rally to Defend Their Arena

Greg CaggianoSenior Writer INovember 15, 2016

In this breaking news story, Greg Caggiano was sent by Bleacher Report to Phillips Arena in downtown Atlanta, Georgia to cover a huge story that will soon be getting nationwide attention.

Gathered outside the Thrasher's arena, fifteen thousand fans wearing jerseys and blue face paint stood shoulder to shoulder with guns, knives and weapons of all sorts in a ring that completely surrounded the arena.

Under a white flag of truce, Greg Caggiano was allowed behind the line of defense to talk to the leader of the massive grouping of fans. "Why the defense of the arena? Is someone planning to tear it down?" Caggiano asked Thrasher GM Don Waddell who stood holding a twelve gauge shotgun and a Bowie knife. "We've received no direct threats," Waddell began, "but by standing here today we will show the world that we will not back down in the face of danger."

Caggiano pushed further and asked what the danger was. "When we heard that Russian tanks were invading, we phoned the National Guard and they just laughed at me. So when we couldn't get help from our own government, we phoned our season ticket subscribers and asked them to bring friends to help with the defense."

"But there's no threat here, Mr. Waddell." Caggiano said, with a flabbergasted look on his face. "What do you mean no threat? Those Commie punks will be blasting at us any minute! I can hear the tanks now!" Waddel said.

He then shouted orders to Ilya Kovalchuk, "Ilya, we shall not retreat! You see, it's sort of of like how you back check, only there are guns involved this time."

Kovalchuk nodded and then aimed his sniper rifle at a nearby street corner where he was sure a Russian soldier would appear.

"I'm sorry to spoil the revival, but there are no Russian tanks in America." Caggiano told General Waddell. "But...but...I saw it on the television! I read it on the computer! It must be true!" he responded. "General, the Georgia being invaded is located in Europe, near Russia." Caggiano again responded.

"You mean we came all this way for nothing?" an angry fan shouted as more and more people started to realize what Caggiano said. "I'm afraid so, you got the wrong Georgia!" he shouted into a bull horn.

Fans started to rage with anger and one shouted, "Damnit! Now just what they hell are we going to do with these ropes and pitchforks?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to go home and go about your normal lives. Sorry for the mix up..." Waddell weakly sputtered as he started to wipe the war paint off his face.

He then turned around and slowly walked into the arena where he pulled out a flask of Jack Daniels. "Next thing you know, the Russians are going to be stealing players from me..."