MMA's Top Five Gut-Busting Tattoos

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MMA's Top Five Gut-Busting Tattoos

No, that is not “Big Country” Roy Nelson.

Just a guy who vicariously gets laid through Hulk Hogan.

Also a precursor for what you are about to see from men who make a living with their shirts off, thrusting their shame into the bright lights.

The inspiration for this article came from an ongoing personal experience that occurred yet again this very day.

I patronize the same liquor store in my neighborhood every time I am in need of alcohol. It has nothing to do with the prices, selection, location…etc.

Simply put, it has everything to do with a brilliant marketing strategy employed by the owner. He only signs the paychecks of female college students who are content with adhering to a dress code that makes Hooter Girls look like Nuns.

Moving on…

There is a chronic loiterer who spends close to 10 hours a day perched outside of said store asking paying consumers for financial assistance.

After hundreds of failed attempts by him asking me for monetary assistance, he adopted a new approach with me today.

Walking out of the store, he asked me if I had (and I quote) “an extra beer”. To which I replied “I do… it’s sitting in the cupholder of the unicorn I rode here”.

There’s nothing that I hate more than having to explain jokes, so I hope by now he realized that “an extra beer” falls into the realm of Unicorns and Leprechauns.

By now, the patient members of Bleacher Report still reading this article are wondering what on Earth this has to do with tattoos?

Here’s what – this chronic loiterer has a gigantic neck tattoo in big, bold letters that reads “THE LOYAL ONE”. On many occasions, I’ve wanted to scratch behind his ears then launch a tennis ball to see if he will give chase.

Many out there must be giving this poor soul the benefit of the doubt assuming this outrageous tattoo must be more centrally located on the upper-chest, therefore giving him the ability to cover it up by wearing a normal crew-cut shirt.

I’m afraid not. Nothing short of a turtle-neck shirt that would make “Shaft” jealous will cover up this Bad-Larry. Every time I see it, I’m still curious if his tattoo artist made him sign some sort of waiver before agreement.

I think the true lesson is, unless there is no doubt you are financially secure for the rest of your life, tattoos have not so much a time, but definitely a place.

If you plan to get any tattoo at all with the placement located in the face / neck range, you had better have an allocation of funds double- and triple-checked by financial advisers who assure you regardless of inflation, future wars, and alien invasion that you will be secure until you reach the age of 100 (personally, I’d still make sure I had a room full of gold bars just in case).

Here are five fighters who are one terrible president away from sitting “Indian-style” outside of their favorite liquor store :

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