August 14, 2008
If you haven't heard or seen by now, but the almighty savior landed a spotlight on a national level magazine, Forbes.
Satan is being labeled as the "Most Powerful Coach in SPORTS". Hmmmm...let's see.
At Miami, he compiled a dismal record of 15-17. After erecting the Bammer nation out from the dead since the bear, and to really make them think that the "Bama's Back" SI cover did hold true meaning, although as we know not at the time (laughable by the way), he put together so much hype that he fumbled to a 6-6 season at the Capstone.
This was capped by losing to the No. 117-ranked Louisiana-Monroe at the field the Bear once roamed. Oh sorry, 6-7 after beating Colorado in the "respectable" PetroSun Independence Bowl.
As a side note, he did remind the Bammer fans that they belong in the back seat and won't be able to surpass what Tuberville has going on the Plains by extending "the streak" to six, all the while going 2-4 against "Auburn's Legend To Be."
However, the most powerful coach did put together a remarkable recruiting class. Under his tenure, ten, I'll say again, TEN players have been arrested.
Talk about power and control?! This coach can't even control his temper and mannerisms in front of the media.
This country supported a woman to be president. This country is now supporting a late Muslim by the name of Obama to lead us away from terrorism. And now this country is putting spotlight on a coach who has not proven himself by any means, not by his record, not by his attitude, not by his winning percentage (Tuberville 77, Saban 71), and not by graduating genuine student athletes.
This matter is laughable, and if I had the capabilities I would paint a picture. Let me elaborate and imagine it.
In the background is Auburn's home away from home, Tuberville-Denny stadium simply because Auburn has owned T-town dating back to 1895. Heck, it took the Crimson Elephants 101 years just to even score in their home stadium, which was a dazzling 1-yard run in 2002.
This coach with his arrogant smirk has the Auburn nation laughing. Yet, the Bammers think we're jealous and scared of this man! Scared of what?
Tuberville is 7-2 against the state rival. He has produced an undefeated team in today's SEC slate of teams, or shall we say Spartans. He has won an SEC Championship. He has beaten 9 out of 12 top 10 teams. We are in the hunt of a national title year in and year out.
The stats are endless and will only broaden. The picture above should be Saban frowning. The background posts a stadium being peed on by a TIGER.
The press box has Mr. Finebaum smoking a cigar because the stands are full of raging Bammers pointing guns at each other, the players are being piled into a black and white, because this coach will again fall to the mighty Tigers (0-2 vs. Auburn) and he can't bring a national championship to The University of Arrests.
Ouch, Saban might be calling Coach Bill Curry here shortly. Maybe not...this just in: Bill Curry has been hospitalized due to a cloud of mushrooms looming over his estate.
Meteorologists point to the growing metropolis of Tuscalooser as the source of the puff dragon. Google Earth shows the pillar of toxins coming from Alabama's practice facility.
Let the country see this magazine. The Bama program is already a laughingstock. If you get yourself out of the area code of 205, you will see it immensely. The SI story was a joke.
This Forbes story in two years will be another joke, because the man who was thought to be the most powerful man in sports will be unemployed in the world of sports.
He will retire, coach a high school team, and will be forced to serve the governor of Alabama, Tommy Tuberville, by washing Auburn's practice jerseys and shining all the coachs' championship rings.
You just wait. Two years. The Bammers will be wanting his head. It's a process, all right. A process that has been repeated over the past couple of decades: high hopes with new faces, failure, and last but not least, having blue and orange smeared all over.
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