Okay. Admit it. We all do some pretty wacky things when we’re drunk, and it’s not our fault. Whether it be sliding down the stairs on a mattress, streaking through the quad into the gymnasium, or puking on a peacock, we’ve all been “that girl/guy.” But Allan Muir of Sports Illustrated wrote an article while he was apparently completely shitfaced, which is something even I have never done.
You can read the drunken ramblings here.
First of all, let me mention that Sports Illustrated ranks up there with Damian Cox and Erin Andrews in crappy attempts at sports reporting. Sure, SI is great if you want to know the entire life story of every NCAA basketball or football player. Ever. Or if you want to fawn over some very fancy and expensive swimsuits (but obviously not the foreign supermodels wearing them… right?), but when it comes to any sport not on the radar of middle America, then you’re better off reading Wikipedia.
With a mere 550 days until the Vancouver Games begin, I think I should put on my Sumi/Miga/Quatchi shirt, light my replica Olympic torch and set Mr. Muir straight.
First of all, WTF is with his top line of Iginla-Crosby-Heatley? Was this guy even watching the WHC this year??? It would be bat-shit Britney Spears-style crazy to break up the Getzlaf-Nash-Heatley line. As for “silky smooth” Lecavalier? He’s skating on thin ice (forgive the pun) with Team Canada execs. Sure he’s had above average seasons in the NHL and flashes of brilliance in international competition, but he’s never ascended to the “Michael Jordan of hockey” greatness projected when he entered the league. Time is running out for him to prove himself as more that just an above-average player, or else he could see his first class seat on a flight to Vancouver traded in for a flight to Vegas and enough Jack Daniels to drown his sorrows as he watches players that actually fulfill expectations take the ice for Canada.
On the plus side, Muir had the reigning Captain Canada Shane Doan on the list, who has rightly usurped the title from Ryan Smyth (the runner up in most tearful Edmonton Oiler press conferences of all time). Doan is definitely a lock, but Smyth seems destined to wallow in past-prime obscurity with pretty much every member of the Colorado Avalanche.
Contrary to what Muir believes, there are many Hockey Canada execs who are high on Jason Spezza (does that mean he’s a drug? I’d smoke that… ummm nevermind). There was a reason he was one of the reserve players brought to Torino. Between that experience and having more pressure on him at the Worlds this year, he’s been groomed for a roster spot, and it’s his to lose. When Canada lost to Russia in 2006, one of my memories from that night was seeing how beat up Spezza was about the loss, having to watch it and not being able to get on the ice and do anything about it. My bet is that by 2010 he’ll be chomping at the bit to get some revenge for Canada’s last 2 losses against the Red Army.
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