As it's been awhile since I really created an uproar, I figured I'd bother five college football fanbases with a piece about the things they do to bother me.
I consider it a fair trade.
In lieu of the 10,000th article on who will win the Heisman Trophy, I give you my list (in no particular order) of the Five Most Annoying Trends in College Football...
1. THE Ohio State University
This one is pretty standard for those who don't like Ohio State.
It starts on Sunday Night Football, where you'll invariably hear it from a player or two every week.
"Orlando Pace, THE Ohio State University."
Buckeyes fans brandish the "the" like a badge of honor—but why? Is there another Ohio State University I'm not aware of?
I know that there are times when "the" would naturally come before the school's name, such as in the sentence "The Ohio State University graduates 53 percent of its football student-athletes."
Actually no—even then it doesn't quite work.
Message to Buckeye fans: Don't be unnecessarily pompous about your school's name and then expect fans of other schools not to want you to lose by four touchdowns in the national title game.
2. Georgia's endless barking
In my junior year at Wake Forest, one of my neighbors was a diehard Georgia fan.
Every Saturday, he'd watch Georgia play...and then proceed to bark during every play that was at all positive for the Bulldogs.
By "at all positive," I mean a three-yard run got one bark, a first down got two or three barks—and forget about it when Georgia scored.
In 2005, Georgia started out nicely and got themselves in the top five. Said fan would watch the games of the teams ranked above Georgia (e.g. USC and Texas) and root against them.
No big deal.
Then he started barking in support of the opponents of these teams.
You haven't heard absurd until you've heard barking after a Texas Tech first down.
I hope this sort of behavior isn't common to Georgia fans across the country—but until I know otherwise, it's on the list.
3. Auld Lang Syne
Having Auld Lang Syne as your alma mater: weak.
Rocking back and forth in the stands when your alma mater is being played: also weak.
Having both ALS and the rocking back and forth: the University of Virginia.
I've seen this in person—it's ridiculous. You know those rabid fans in the SEC?
This is the exact opposite.
The spectacle instills no fear in the opposition. It just plain looks weak. At least they don't call themselves a soft name like the Hoos.....
4. USC Song Girls
No, it isn't annoying that USC has the Song Girls. I love the Song Girls; you love the Song Girls; we all love the Song Girls.
I'm just annoyed that USC is the only school that has them.
The result is that I go several hours each week watching games that do not involve Song Girls...and no fan should have to put up with that.
So USC, I beg you—share the wealth.
5. USC and UT....and OSU and FSU
Being from New Jersey, I have a good objective handle on the problem, as none of these schools are in my backyard.
UT is not the University of Tennessee—it's the University of Texas. I know this because in parts of the country that have no tie to either school, it's the University of Texas.
I also know that USC is Southern Cal, and not South Carolina. Furthermore, Carolina is not South Carolina—it's the University of North Carolina.
Sorry Gamecocks—find something else to call yourselves.
There are less obvious examples too: OSU means Ohio State, not Oregon State or Oklahoma State. FSU is Florida State, not Fresno State. MSU is Michigan State, not Mississippi State.
There are probably others I'm forgetting.
The offenders here should learn from the University of Kansas. We all know UK is Kentucky—and Kansas helps us out by going with KU.
Rock Chalk Jayhawk.