So the Open Mic this week was all-time lineup for your favorite team, but that's difficult to do. So I'm going to list my favorite Phillies to just plain hate during my lifetime.
Catcher: Carlos Ruiz—The Phillies haven't had too many hateable catchers during my lifetime, but Carlos Ruiz has struck a nerve in 2008. I've never seen someone hit so many weak groundball double plays to second base. If he didn't have a cannon for an arm, I'd really not like him.
First Base: Randall Simon—Yes, he had 21 at-bats for the Phillies in 2006. The former sausage beater somehow landed a spot on the Phillies' expanded September roster. He shares my birthday and disgraces it.
Second Base: Marlon Anderson—He was pretty awful. There's a reason he hasn't really landed a starting job since the Phillies cut ties with him. Plus he used to play really deep at 2B and throw the ball side-armed to first base.
I was a second basemen back in my ball playing days and emulated him once. My coach yelled at me and made me run a lap around the field. I've been emotionally scarred ever since.
Short Stop: Desi Relaford—He falls under the category of "why did the Phillies ever let him play short-stop?" He stepped to the plate for the 'phightins over 1200 times, and I don't think ever produced one quality at-bat.
Third Base: David Bell—My fantasy team's name was "David Bell Did 'Roids" after his name appeared in the Mitchell Report. I cannot describe how happy I was when the Phillies finally got rid of him in 2006. He was always rubbing his nose, and his nose was always red. My friends and I always speculated whether he snorted drugs. Apparently he only did steroids.
Outfield: Doug Glanville—He had a few good seasons that I enjoyed, but as he got older, he became a really awful player. My favorite moment of him? When he screwed up Eric Milton's no-hitter with an awful defensive play after he was brought in as a defensive replacement. Smooth Doug. Real smooth.
Outfield: Darren Daulton the outfielder—Loved him as a catcher. He was my sister's favorite player and was one of mine as well. Unfortunately injuries forced him to the outfield where he was awful.
He was slow and couldn't really hit too well in 1997. Of course, he ends the year in Florida, wins a World Series, and then goes nuts. No seriously, the guy is psycho now. Just Google search Darren Daulton and religion or something like that.
Outfield: Bobby Abreu—He was the favorite player of a lot of my friends, but overall, I didn't really like him. He didn't hustle a lot and didn't always have the greatest attitude. He was an awful fielder and might go down as the worst fielder ever to win a Gold Glove. My favorite Bobby Abreu joke: Bobby checks under his bed and his closest every night for the outfield wall.
Starting Pitcher: Gavin Floyd—So hyped, yet so bad. He was consistently awful as a Phillie, but now he's in Chicago pitching well for a first place team.
Starting Pitcher: Adam Eaton—Three years 24 million. Now pitching in Double-A. Need I say more?
Starting Pitcher: Brandon Duckworth—He has his own fan group called the Duck Pond. They weren't cool enough to get into Randy's Wolf Pack. His inability to get people out still haunts me in my sleep.
Starting Pitcher: Omar Daal—16-9 record in 1999 with Arizona. 4-19 record for the D'backs and the Phillies in 2000. He was part of the Curt Schilling deal. Philadelphia hated him immediately for going 2-9 to end the season. I don't care if he went 13-7 in 2001. The Phillies traded away potential Hall of Famer Curt Schilling for him.
Starting Pitcher: Andy Ashby—He's basically Adam Eaton, but from a decade ago. 'Nuff said.
Starting Pitcher: The entire 1998 Staff Minus Curt Schilling—Notice how many Phillies pitchers I dislike? The whole staff this year fits the bill. Here's the Baseball Reference page for the proof.
Relief Pitcher: Jose Mesa—He had some pretty solid seasons but he was so frustrating to watch. You just wanted to blame every loss on him even if he didn't throw a pitch.
Relief Pitcher: The Fat Bullpen of 2007—Jose Mesa, Antonio Alfonseca, and Mike Zagurski—All three look like they're 300 pounds. One game the three combined to throw a ninth inning and blow the save. It has to go down as the fattest blown save in Major League history.
Relief Pitcher: Mike Williams—He was terrible as Phillie from 1993-1996. So what do the Phillies do in 2003 in the midst of a playoff race? Trade for him when he was REALLY washed up. He went 0-4 for the 2003 Phillies and was a leading cause to the team missing the playoffs.
Relief Pitcher: Mitch Williams—Mitchy-poo, I loved you until Joe Carter. I still like you as a guy, but frankly there's a lot of hate towards that fateful pitch Touch 'Em All Joe put over the fence for a World Series win.