2011 NFL Lockout: What Fans and Players Are Likely To Face (Humor)
If there is a lockout in 2011, it might just make your head spin
As a crucial time is coming up for NFL players and owners, there are many factors that will involve the decisions adopted by the union in the next collective bargaining agreement.
However, as the players and owners are all concerned about holes being burned in their pockets, fans all over will have more time with their wives and families, and players will have more time to...perform Great Samaritan acts in their community.
Tiger Woods practiced this golfing technique perfectly
If NFL play is halted, there will be much more time for golf. Husbands everywhere will be able to keep themselves on a short leash, but instead of pounding beers and ignoring their spouses during a football game, they will be able to spend their time away from reality on the golf course.
This option is a great substitute for football Sundays. It keeps the wives busy with a new pet peeve, and the husband will be able to test new ingenious excuses as to why he wasn't able to take little Sarah to her chorus practice.
Fear not, comrades.
Peruvian Cock Fighting
This one is for you, Michael Vick. If NFL play is halted, you will be able to freely travel to Peru, where it is completely legal for animals, preferably birds, to fight in a sandy coliseum. Not only will PETA have no reason to complain, the Peruvian people will be thickly enamored with a celebrity presence to such a storied event.
Argyle or Cotton?
If you don't know who Fireman Ed is, he is a man who takes the game of football too seriously ( which is nearly impossible). During football season you can find Fireman Ed lounging on the top of a fellow fan's shoulders, screaming the same chant, game, after game, after game.
Well good news for the fireman, if NFL play stops for any period of time, he can go back to his calming and peaceful hobby of knitting (which he also takes too seriously).
"Pacman" The Weatherman
Who can forget about Adam "Pacman" Jones' admirable antics several seasons ago? Not only did he waste $81,000 in a night, he did it by "making it rain" at a strip club. Well, luckily for "Pacman," he has options if he is unable to play during NFL stoppage.
Jones can follow his dream of becoming a weather man. And like any anchor, he would have his famous catch phrase—that being "Todays forecast says, it's gonna rain."
This past offseason, JaMarcus Russel was arrested for possession of a codeine syrup mixture. Later, he was released by the Oakland Raiders, after being one of the biggest draft busts in NFL history.
If football play is stopped next fall, JaMarcus Russell can...spend time with all of his football friends that would normally be playing football. In Russell's case, it would be a win-win. He might try to sabotage the CBA efforts just so he doesn't have to go job-hunting.