Clichés don’t really bother me, perhaps because I’ve gotten used to them or just tune them out. I think some people absorb things a little too literally—and football and literal analogies just don’t mix.
But at least I can have some fun picking these clichés apart in the meantime until the season starts, can’t I? (I’ve peppered in real college football last names in order to make you feel more at home.)
20) “We have to take it one game at a time.”
Great advice! I wouldn’t recommend playing two games at once. I’m no football wizard, but 22 guys on defense may slow your offense down a bit, coach.
19) “Crabtree makes a circus catch.”
I can’t tell you how many times I went to the circus as a child. I loved the clowns the most. The trapeze artists were probably my second favorite, and wide receivers catching badly-thrown footballs rounded out the list.
18) “The other team just wanted it more.”
It’s a shame that we practice football skills. We should practice “wanting” skills if that’s what determines the outcome of a game. I think the height of my “wanting” career was back when I was about 11 and wanted an ice cream sandwich three days before the Schwan’s guy was supposed to come by. That was a long three days—but I assure you, I wanted it more than most.
In fact, now is a great time to pay homage to the best “wanter” of all time—Little Ralphie Parker back in the 1940s. That dude wanted a Red Rider BB Gun really bad. If there was a Hall of Fame for wanting, Ralphie would be the very first inductee despite shooting his eye out.
17) “They left it all on the field.”
That would totally suck for the field crew after the game.
Uhhh, can someone please come down to the field and pick up 110 jock straps, please?
16) “He’s deceptively quick.”
I’m a deceptively good-looking genius. Also, I used to be deceptively slow—now I’m just obviously slow.
15) “McCoy’s going to feel that one in the morning.”
Well, I think the fact that he’s rolling around on the ground clutching his head with his face contorted in a painful grimace means he’s probably feeling it pretty well right now.
14) “They are better than their record indicates.”
This is used by announcers who are trying to say, “Please don’t change the channel,” and by coaches who are trying to say, “Do NOT come out flat against these pansies.”
13) “He has a motor that won’t quit.”
I like to call this the David Pollock cliché. Hey, did you know that he played pee wee football with QB David Greene? Did you know Hermann Johnson was the biggest baby born in Louisiana? Did you know Tim Tebow was home schooled where he learned how to save foreign infants from starvation?
Why no, I haven’t watched college football at all in the last few minutes—thanks for the info, college football announcer guy!!
12) “He really gives 110 percent.”
No, he REALLY doesn’t. Why not 105 percent or 115 percent? It’s physically impossible to give over 100 percent. So why not 150 percent? Why is 10 percent over 100 the arbitrary number we pick when someone gives it their all? Basically 110 percent has become the new 100 percent. So in all probability this cliché isn’t going anywhere. From now on I’m just going to say, “He gave 115 percent”...due to inflation.
11) “There seemed to be a miscommunication on that play.”
See ladies, it’s not just you. It happens with other men too.
10) “We have to play a full 60 minutes.”
No, you have to play like three and half hours minus TV timeouts, halftime, and the occasional stoppage for a drunk skinny naked guy running onto the field who apparently can’t say no to a dare.
9) “Boeckman would like to have that one back.”
Yeah, I have a list of things I’d like to take back as well.
1) Trying baking chocolate thinking it was real chocolate when I was eight.
2) Seeing the movie King Ralph starring John Goodman in the theaters.
3) Three words: convenience store burrito.
I have 94 other ones—how much time does everyone have?
8) “They have to take care of the football.”
It’s true. I’ll never forget the first time a Duke Jr. football followed me home after school one day. I asked my mom if I could keep it. She said yes on the stipulation that I had to take care of it. I did for a while, but honestly, after a few months, my dad ended up feeding it and walking it.
Then about a year later, after an errant pass in a game of three-flies-in, the ball jumped out in front of a car. There was nothing the driver could’ve done.
Soon after, my parents bought me a Voit to help ease the grieving process.
7) “This Mountaineer defense is going to ‘pin their ears back’ on this next play.”
Why would anyone pin their ears back? Is it because they have big ears and they are afraid that they won’t get asked to the Barn Hill Dance? Maybe it’s time to teach that defense about self-esteem and the fact that you just have to be happy with who you are on the inside.
6) “He has a quick first step.”
After that, he stops cold out of sheer terror. He was first team All-Freeze Tag back in third grade.
5) “The Sooner defense bends but doesn’t break.”
I am so guilty of this one. I’ll try to do better. Please offer me alternatives. What about this defense teases but doesn’t put out?
Too racy?
4) “This QB is a real gunslinger.”
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. Billy Blanks tried that in the beginning of The Last Boy Scout, and even though he scored I’m pretty sure there was a flag or two on the play. Unless, of course, the game was played at Auburn.
3) “Arenas is a downhill runner.”
Now that’s just unfair. What a home field advantage that would be! A stadium with a hill at midfield or at the goal line. Of course, that would justify, ”It’s an uphill battle.”
I would love to see a strong safety get a downhill running start at a WR and knock him 30 yards down an incline. Thank goodness for forward progress, eh?
2) “Sanchez has all day to throw it.”
If the opposing team has all day to throw it, then might I suggest a different defensive strategy? In fact, I think it would be awesome if one day an announcer got very literal with this one.
“Man, Verne, Snead seemed to have like eight seconds in the pocket on that play. Maybe it was closer to seven, but it sure seemed like a long time. Well, not a long time relatively speaking, but in football pocket passing terms a long time.”
My favorite variation of this is, “Stafford has all the time in the world.”
Whoa, is he immortal or something? I’d be texting my friends, “Gary Danielson just said Matthew Stafford is a Highlander.”
1) “That guy’s a throwback.”
Usually referred to when talking about slow white guys who try really hard. You know, the kind of guy that “brings his lunch pail” to work every day.
I promise you, this guy is not a throwback unless he plays without a facemask, protective padding, and with a half-torn ACL. If this guy makes it to the NFL and accepts a 1970s NFL salary, then fine, that guy can be a throwback.
I’m probably leaving a good 50 or so off the list, but I did my best and gave it 115 percent. I tried to play within myself and bring my A game (doh, missed a couple).
What are some of yours?
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2 months ago
LOL!
This was really good and all too true. 10 and 11 were my favorites.
from 2 months ago
Thanks Nic, ppreciate it!!
from 2 months ago
best thing about this report? That cheerleader...yea baby.
2 months ago
Funny stuff.
from 2 months ago
thank you and thanks for the add too.
2 months ago
I think anything that madden has ever said should make this lsit
"you gotta get to the end zone to score the touchdown"
how much popov did he swill before deciding to say that one on the air?
from 2 months ago
Whoo! completly agree, 115 percent
from 2 months ago
True, but how high should our standards be when a former lineman has a microphone and 2 hours of dead air. Those ARE his original thoughts and deep introspective strategies of the game.
from 2 months ago
Ahh yes, John Madden. He's a genius when it comes to stating the obvious.
You know him and Al are plastered by halftime. Especially if it's a bad game. Madden makes that obvious as well. They pretty much just start having their own random conversation as the game winds down. If it's Pats-34 and Dolphins-3, John will probably be talking about anything from Joe Montana to what he had for breakfast.
2 months ago
Any comments about Tebow have become cliche and are already old after only one year as a starter.
from 2 months ago
Speaking of the Florida Gators... I cannot believe that Justin left out this cliché:
FLORIDA GATORS FOOTBALL
A TRADITION . . . SINCE SEPTEMBER 7, 1991
from 2 months ago
JIMSON
IRRELEVANTLY ANNOYING SINCE THE FIRST TIME HE WROTE:
FLORIDA GATORS FOOTBALL
A TRADITION...SINCE SEPTEMBER 7, 1991
from 2 months ago
"JIMSON
IRRELEVANTLY ANNOYING SINCE THE FIRST TIME HE WROTE:
FLORIDA GATORS FOOTBALL
A TRADITION...SINCE SEPTEMBER 7, 1991"
What are you talking about???
The Florida Gators did NOT win an SEC Championship, UNTIL the 1991 College Football season! Therefore, the TRADITION of Florida Gators Football could have NOT started... UNTIL Saturday, September 7, 1991 :)
FLORIDA GATORS FOOTBALL
A TRADITION . . . SINCE SEPTEMBER 7, 1991
2 months ago
The Schwans guy...OMG...rofl! (By the way, they deliver here every two weeks!)
My faves:
"They have the weapons". Well duh, if they didn't, they wouldn't be on TV.
"He's a smart player." So everyone else is dumb?
"Coach is excellent at making half-time adjustments." In other words, his teams suck because they are always losing by halftime.
"Three yards and a cloud of dust". Translation: passing game is non-existent.
"He has good field vision". In other words, his O-line gives him decent protection so he can pick out a receiver.
"He can sniff out the play." Translation: so far, the LB's guesses have been correct.
"He over-ran the play." Translation: he can't sniff out a play.
"Strike the pose." How often has that prediction been wrong?
GREAT ARTICLE....FIVE STARS... Oh wait, is that a cliche too?
from 2 months ago
thanks.
as much as it's fun to to knock cliches, it's hard to put down a thousand words or two and not use one.
it's a part of sports that isnt going anywhere.
2 months ago
LOL. One of the funniest articles on B/R. Five Stars & POTD.
from 2 months ago
thank you sir!
2 months ago
Hillarious article, well done, I love it.
2 months ago
The Schwans guy...OMG...rofl! (By the way, they deliver here every two weeks!)
My faves:
"They have the weapons". Well duh, if they didn't, they wouldn't be on TV.
"He's a smart player." So everyone else is dumb?
"Coach is excellent at making half-time adjustments." In other words, his teams suck because they are always losing by halftime.
"Three yards and a cloud of dust". Translation: passing game is non-existent.
"He has good field vision". In other words, his O-line gives him decent protection so he can pick out a receiver.
"He can sniff out the play." Translation: so far, the LB's guesses have been correct.
"He over-ran the play." Translation: he can't sniff out a play.
"Strike the pose." How often has that prediction been wrong?
GREAT ARTICLE....FIVE STARS... Oh wait, is that a cliche too?
2 months ago
After roflmao i came across these funny quotes/cliches by John Madden.....for John Madden by John Madden....
"Whenever you talk about a Mike Shanahan offense, you're always going to be talking about his offense."
"Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster"
"To get more yards, it's best to move the ball from the line of scrimmage down the field."
"Usually the team with the most points wins the game!"
from 2 months ago
comedian frank caliendo has madden down, including his many cliches.
from 2 months ago
the really sad thing is caliendo doesnt even have to make up material
BOOM fresh hot buttery fresh popped popcorn!
from 2 months ago
My personal favorite Madden quote came during an Arizona Cardinals home game in 1998 against the Cowboys when the blimp was doing a panoramic shot of Phoenix for the Fox "Game of the Day":
Madden: "That mountain kinda looks like a camel."
Summeral: "Actually John, I think its called Camelback Mountain..."
from 2 months ago
Drew Brees' contacts got knocked out during a Monday Night Football game and John Madden said "Now here's a guy who when he puts his contacts in, he can see better."
Ya think, John? I thought Brees was wearing the wrong prescription lenses just to make the game seem more interesting, I didn't know he could see BETTER with them in.
from 2 months ago
Clearly he was wearing those contacts for cosmetic reasons. Sheesh.
from 2 months ago
There's one that he said, I don't remember where it's from, but it's classic Madden:
"Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field."
from 2 months ago
madden is like yogi berra with a brainectomy
from 2 months ago
"Brett Favre is the Brett Favre of Brett Favres."
God bless Frank Caliendo ;)
2 months ago
I like it when announcers forsake #14 entirely and just talk about whatever at the ends of blowouts, especially Gary and Verne on CBS. The last few minutes of the Florida-Tennessee game last year were hilarious, and neither was paying much attention to what was going on until our backup QB Cam Newton bowled over a Tennessee defender.
from 2 months ago
it's even worse in baseball.
from 2 months ago
it is terrible in baseball, although it is entertaining when it is your teams announcers doing crossword puzzles or just talking about random shit and your team continues to just roll over the opposition
2 months ago
I noticed one last year that bugs the hell out of me: "And he takes it back for a pick-six"
from 2 months ago
i actually kinda like "pick-six". is it cliche already???? darn!!
from 2 months ago
I get pick-six you intercept the ball and then get 6 points for it.
from 2 months ago
is that his 6th pick???
2 months ago
Without 20, 12, and 8 there would be no coaching interviews.
Great piece.
from 2 months ago
thanks baby tate, but where would we be without "coach-speak"?
2 months ago
very funny stuff. thanks.
but I didn't understand the jab at auburn. did you think LSU get a bad penalty in one of their losses there???
from 2 months ago
that was just a cheap shot. most LSU fans think during our last two visits there (especially the last one) we were hosed at some pretty pivotal moments.
i'm not really mad about it, but i'm never above a cheap/easy laugh.
2 months ago
THIS IS BY FAR THE FUNNIEST THING IVE READ TODAY
from 2 months ago
i hope it's not the only thing you've read today.
thanks!!
2 months ago
“He’s deceptively quick.” - He's white and has speed.
from 2 months ago
HAHA Great...Wait, that's Wes Welker.
2 months ago
Great article. There are so many lines we hear every Saturday in the fall, it must've been hard to whittle the list down to just 20.
I know I'll be chuckling at home whenever I hear any of these lines this season.
from 2 months ago
thanks!
that's the great thing about B/R, is that everyone can add their own in the comments section.
2 months ago
Made me giggle....
2 months ago
great article, had me chuckling the whole way through, good job
2 months ago
"the better team won today" ...ya don't think?
"freshman phenom"......I've only heard this when referring to freshmen, I guess once you turn sophomore, you can no longer be a phenom.
"
from 2 months ago
yeah, this was a football article but i want to throw up a little every time i hear diaper dandy when referring to a freshman. it's bad enough when dickie V does it now other announcers are using it.
from 2 months ago
When a guy become a sophomore, and ceases to be a freshmen phenom he is then called a "sophomore sensation".
from 2 months ago
Just remember, not every phenom phenominates.
2 months ago
If you've never heard of it...check out the Brent Musburger drinking game.
Brent's gotta a few good ones
http://www.fanblogs.com/ncaa/005660.php
from 2 months ago
whoa. like i need to drink more on a saturday.
2 months ago
"1st team all freeze"...classic!!!
2 months ago
Awesome literal commentary in #2. I'd love to hear more of that in sports announcing.
2 months ago
hilarious dude. I loved 2, 8,9. And I for one, would love to hear all the other funny things you regret.
from 2 months ago
i don't think anyone wants to hear those.
thanks though!
2 months ago
AHAHA BRILLIANT!!!! Easily a POD!
from 2 months ago
thanks so much!!
2 months ago
A favorite Ditkaism when talking football.....
"When they run the ball 45 times a game they win 95 percent of the time..."
The variation is when "LT [or whoever] carries the ball 30 times they win 95 perecent of their games...."
So why not just give the guy the ball the first thirty plays and guarantee the win every time?
Ditka used to actually try that....
Nice Cheerleader!
from 2 months ago
Thats true.
To run the ball 30 times a game, YOU'RE ALREADY AHEAD IN THE FIRST PLACE and have the LUXURY of running the ball 30 times.
The 30 runs have nothing to do with actually winning the game.
I guess that bothers me as well.
2 months ago
Great article I really enjoyed reading!
Is it time to put the "Manny Being Manny" thing as a outdated cliche? I'm sooooo sick of hearing it!
from 2 months ago
i'm surprised this never caught on with bonds.
2 months ago
Very funny, and all 110% true. Having 20 examples was a gutsy move, and displayed considerable intestinal fortitude. It proves the writer has a good engine and can hack the pace. However, you're only as good as your last article....and...oh dear, they're catching!
Cheers.
from 2 months ago
it is what it is i guess.
and thanks!!
2 months ago
I knew a girl who had her ears pinned back. But that was not for football, it was because her ears stuck out making it look like some guy had been pulling on them.
Great article, almost made my coffee come out my nose.
2 months ago
"That was an athletic play"
Think about it
2 months ago
"He is on fire right now Brent!" ....hmmm, someone should probably put him out then.
first article on here that has made me laugh out loud. Nice piece, enjoyed it.
from 2 months ago
thanks!!! NBA Jam made this one cliche.
2 months ago
Football fields have a grade so there is a hill to them and one can go downhill.
2 months ago
That was a really good arcticle! You are so right about how annoying the cliches, are, too!
Good Job, Justin!
2 months ago
Very nice job. I can't remember how many times I heard Mangini say "There were a few throws he'd like to have back, but..."
2 months ago
I'm getting a little tired of the descriptive words like "pancake." I mean what's wrong with "flattened" or "steamrolled?" But, my BIGGEST frustration with television commentary is the obsessions with technical terms and details that don't really add to the narrative of the game. I am as interested in the intricacies of a Bill Belichick defense as the next educated football fan, but that is the sort of activity for halftime or pregame. I don't need a retired player to try to explain it all to me in the 35 seconds between each play and then realize he's out of time so he assaults me with technical jargon that, let's be honest, shows us more about how much football he thinks he knows than what he wants me to know. Phew. It's nice to get that off my chest.
Love the article, such a clever idea.
2 months ago
I was berated endlessly for using #20 in my first year of writing sports in college. Grown to hate that phrase ever since. Great commentary, POTD.
2 months ago
Very Funny Article!
I hope you'd also take unkindly to somebody playing "out of their mind." I'd like to see Pat White or Tebow taking snaps well into senility. The chaos that would ensue; maybe they'd even calls plays for quarterbacks-who-just-want-to-be-running backs. Damn, too late.
2 months ago
Also, are my eyes deceiving me or is Sparky doing "The Shocker"?
from 2 months ago
It's a pitchfork. More than one school does it - like for Houston, they use that hand sign and it's a cougar paw.
from 2 months ago
ha.
a cheerleader and "the shocker" in the same pic. i'd call that a two-fer.
i love that ASU adopted that as their own.
2 months ago
Hahaha great job...Don't forget "Play your game" As opposed to playing your game along with the other 30 games that day
2 months ago
No mention of the made up word "trickeration"? God, I hate that crap!!
2 months ago
No mention of the made up word, "trickeration"? God, I hate that crap! How stupid!
2 months ago
17 made me think of Airplane! when he says, "Pour all the lights on the runway." And they do. Great write.
2 months ago
This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. So true.
from 2 months ago
thanks for the compliment!!!
2 months ago
What's really sad is, in this day and age, when's the last time any of us heard something really original?
Nonetheless, this list is a positive cliche of your choice.
from 2 months ago
i wanted to excercise my irony muscles and write an article about cliches which probably in itself is cliche.
whoa, i need to lie down for a while.
from 2 months ago
Will - I found it funny that you used the "in this day and age" cliche to talk about not hearing anything original. :O)
2 months ago
"You can't win them all" - Really, thanks. Obviously you've never played NCAA on Junior Varsity with your sliders all the way to the right. Good stuff man.
from 2 months ago
then you'll appreciate this:
my favorite innuendo line in that game is the whole Lee Corso "he can smell the end zone" which leads to the giggle worthy....
"now smelling it and tasting it are two different things...."
i giggle inside like a 6th grader every time i hear it.
from 2 months ago
I've never thought about like that. Now I won't not be able to think of it like that.
2 months ago
EVERY announcer and player begins every other sentence with "Anytime..."
as in, "Anytime you give up the ball inside the one..." or, "Anytime you get 3 sacks..."
2 months ago
Another couple....
1. He sure diagnosed that play. It was like he knew it was coming!!!
2. Did you see that move?! He shook him out of his jockstrap!
2 months ago
Hands down the funniest and most clever article I've read on Bleacher Report.
5 Stars and Pick of the Day without question. Great work!
from 2 months ago
wow, thanks. i'm blushing.
wait, did you just join like 2 hours ago???
2 months ago
Good job. I cringe the most when I hear for the 10,812,927th time: "That throw was right on the money". Is that a gambling term or what?
2 months ago
Is there anything worse than an "ill-advised pass"? Who is advising? Why are they listening? Is this the result of someone just shouting "Throw it!" and they do it without thinking? Is it the fault of the thrower or the shouter?
Maybe they mean ill-considered.
from 2 months ago
touche'.
2 months ago
EVERY commentator and player uses "Anytime" in every other sentence, such as, "Anytime you lose the ball inside your own one..." or, "Anytime you can put pressure on a quarterback..." or "Anytime you come into a stadium like this and win, it's a thrill."
I also hate "out there." Like--"We gotta go out there and win." Or. "I just want to get out there and play."
2 months ago
Nice article.
2 months ago
5 stars and pick of the day. good work. one of my favorite movie scenes of all time is when kevin costner is teaching tim robbins cliches in bull durham. funny, funny stuff
2 months ago
Sports cliches are always fun to discuss.
"catches the ball with his hands" (as opposed to...?)
"running downhill" (you mean, the field is not level?)
"He just needs to play within himself" (I won't go there.)
from 2 months ago
catching with his hands is a great one.
although it can be done other ways if you watched david tyree in the super bowl or that guy featherstone in the movie "necessary roughness".
2 months ago
Wonderful article. I had forgotten how much fun it was to watch football just to criticise the cliches and laugh at John Madden! I did not heed #8 and allowed my German Shepherd Kasey who weighed 125 # to play on my team, and although he could tackle like anything he caugt a pass and crushed the ball ending the game by "taking the air" out of the offensive team. #9 would have applied immediately after Kasey made the catch.
Loved this article so much it hurt! *****
from 2 months ago
thank you dorothy!!
2 months ago
The worst has to be "he coughed it up." Nobody fumbles anymore, they "cough it up." It's stupid because nobody ever jumps onto something that has been coughed up.
During the draft you'll hear that a guy has "fumbling issues." It's a way of saying he fumbles alot.
Another is "moving the sticks." Instead of getting a first down, they move the stcks.
"Too much/not enough air under the ball" is a way of saying it's an awful pass.
I hate hearing how the Jacksonville Jaguars are a "very physical team." Every sports team is a very physical team.
from 2 months ago
fumbling issues.
i like that. like the player needs to go into treatment for it.
my name is justin, and i have fumbling issues. see, it all started with my mother....
2 months ago
The shocker thrown up by Sparky and the cheerleaders never gets old though.
2 months ago
Dang you got popular with this one. I'm sure the pic of the cheerleader didn't hurt. wowza.
from 2 months ago
well i thought of putting a pic up of madden or musberger and then i thought...naahhhhhhhhhhhh!
2 months ago
The cliche that bugs me the most is when they say..."He came out of nowhere to make that catch" or a variation..."He came out of nowhere to make that hit"...doesn't make sense, you have to come from somewhere to make the catch or the hit, why not just say..."He came from somewhere we didn't expect him to come from to make that catch"
from 2 months ago
Funny. I am pretty sure that NCAA rules would prohibit someone from teleporting onto the field just in time to make a catch.
2 months ago
Fantastic and very funny article. Here are a couple I have noticed. The 110% really bothers me.
1. It is becoming more frequent to hear: "When you talk about..." as in When you talk about good defense that is what you mean. Or when you talk about speed this guy is what you are talking about. So annoying. May have been started by Madden.
2."At the end of the day we just got it done." Why is everything happening at the end of the day? Should we just all stay in bed until just before dark, since nothing really happens until then?
3."We just have to go out there and play hard". No not really, it is a bit more complicated than that.
4."Take care of business" Are we filing and typing or playing football here?
Finally I'd like to add a one word response that I read last year that was not only original but also witty. WVU's Noel Devine was asked by a reporter to describe his running style. His answer: "Fast".