I'll Take That off Your Hands Mr. Revis

Keegan FergusonCorrespondent IAugust 19, 2010

NEW YORK - MARCH 16:  New York Jets Darrelle Revis poses for a portrait on March 16, 2010 in New York, New York.  (Photo by Chris McGrath/Getty Images)
Chris McGrath/Getty Images

I apologize for the delay in updating the blog. I've been out doing book signings, vacationing in Nantucket and blowing up kids in football like our favorite Georgetown grad, Bradley Cooper. You know, getting my critter shirt, needle point belt, and khaki too short short on. 

But coming back I want to go ahead and weigh in on a topic that has inspired a Bill Simmons column and been discussed in great detail by nearly every NFL analyst. Let's talk about the Darrelle Revis holdout.

Here is the crux of the dispute for those of you that are unaware of what's going on (noobs). Revis, arguably the best corner in football, is looking to opt out of his rookie contract and is holding out until he receives a new deal. In 2007, he signed a six year deal with a ceiling of $ 30 million and $11 million guaranteed. This last season, Revis was able to spur the Jets to a first place finish in pass defense because of his ability to put opposing receivers on the now infamous “Revis Island,” and shut down marquee names like Randy Moss and Terrell Owens. The Jets didn't have to double cover or bring safeties over the top because Revis was so dominant. Additionally, they could bring safeties up, load the box, and stop an opposing rushing attack. They finished 8th against the run thanks in part to their faith in Revis on the outside. Though the Jets, Rex Ryan, and their owner Woody Johnson are all publicly saying that their defense will be fine without Revis, the dominance of the Jets' defense will likely slip if he continues to hold out.

I've taken economics, I understand supply and demand, got a B minus for diploma. Though a million dollars is more than a bit ridiculous for playing a sport, his success on the field dictates a better contract. He has every right to be upset about being underpaid when rookies on the defensive side of the ball who haven't played a down can command up to $40 million guaranteed.

So while his indignance is understandable, I think Revis and his agents have gone a little overboard with their demands. I won't even take issue with turning down a 10-year $120 million dollar contract because obviously that money wasn't guaranteed and we aren't sure how much money was guaranteed. However, his insistence on being the highest paid corner demonstrates his expansive his ego (the same ego that probably drives him to be the best at his position). Revis is hell bent on being paid higher than Nnamdi Asomugha, who is making close the $15 million annually. He shouldn't be paid like Asomugha for three reasons.

Al Davis is crazy and is forced to overpay for players to keep them playing for a floundering franchise with a dysfunctional relationship between coaches and management (Tom Cable: Exhibit One). Woody Johnson shouldn't be penalized because Al Davis handed out a huge contract.

While Revis was exceptional, opposing offensive coordinators didn't believe he was as dominant as Asomugha who was only thrown 28 times as compared to over 100 throws at Revis. (Though I admit the Raiders scheme makes it easier to avoid Asomugha and have success while it is difficult to avoid Revis with a blitz happy Jets defense.)

Several other players have performed as well as Revis in the past three years and they aren't  demanding similar contract figures. Charles Woodson, DeAngelo Hall, Antonio Cromartie, Asante Samuel, Ed Reed, and O.J. Atogwe (I know these last two are safeties) have comparable statistics over the past three years. They don't expect to be paid $15 million a year, why should he?

I do believe that Revis should get a new contract, one that is considerably more lucrative. However, his demands thus far seem unreasonable and egotistical.

...But since Darrelle Revis doesn't want his million dollars, I've decided to graciously accept Woody Johnson's contract and play out the remainder of Revis's contract. Instead of putting opposing receivers on Revis Island, Rex Ryan can place them on the Icerferg, where their hands will be too cold to catch passes.

My newfound role with the Jets and financial stability got me to thinking, what would I do with one million dollars, besides two chicks at the same time of course (youtube that phrase from "Office Space", I swear it's not porn just a scene from one of my favorite movies). My friend once agonized for a week over how to spend 23 million dollars after his buddy turned 21 and accessed his healthy trust fund. Dude looked like Tom Hanks from Cast Away by the time he finished game planning how to spend his imaginary cash. Since I'll only have 1/23rd of his monopoly money, I think I won't look as bad after my brainstorm sesh.

Since I've watched the Disney Channel original movie, "Blank Check” I know just about every good way to spend exactly that kind of money. I could buy a castle down the street from my parents house (what kind of noob does that), build a go-cart track in the backyard, giant pool slide, or hire a limo to take me everywhere..

No, I don't want to buy what Preston bought. (Though I might be able to get a castle since the housing bubble burst, thank you Freddie and Fannie). I've got my own list of potential purchases...

Fleet of Jet skis—Does anybody have a bad time on a jetski? Ever?

Pay to go back in time and stop the Philadelphia Eagles from being created. (Obviously I'd bulk up like Arnold in Terminator first).

Go back and reverse the call on the “Tuck Rule,” thereby derailing Tom Brady's entire devoid-of-family-values career. (In the process scooping up Gisele and forcing Bill Belichick to respect the integrity of his hoodies and not cut the sleeves off even if it does look awesome)

Baron Davis to remove his beard and give it to me. Sorta like Faceoff but more awesome.

Chipotle three meals a day for 114 years (assuming the burritos never become more expensive than $8 and I don't get a drink, which I don't)

Mike Tyson's Tiger

Build a Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too

Hire a coach and beat my Freshman roommate in Madden 2008 just once on PS2 (seriously Kyle, that 38-0 beatdown was the last straw).

Clone myself and hang out with me. People always want cool little kids, but honestly, I'm already cool. 

Why do I want to take a chance with someone else's genes? I'm already awesome and I know I'm fun to hang out with. Might add some height and some athleticism when I genetically re-engineer myself.

Basically, Mr. Revis, if you don't know what to do with your salary, I do know what to do with it. And if you're insulted by such a measly sum as $1 million dollars this year (even though I agree you deserve more) I'll be happy to take it off your hands....