When Athletes Blog: Brett Favre's Blog

August 1, 2008

Good God I’m bored. I mean what do normal people do when they retire? And did y’all know Deanna was such a bitch? Spend 16 years playing football and life back home changes, I’m tellin’ ya. My wife is…scary. When did she become so…scary? She won’t just let me sit around the house.

And Jesus, what’s the big flipping deal about my coming out of retirement? Why are they making it so hard on me? It’s not like they made it this hard for Michael Jordan or Deion Sanders. Why me? Am I not the best quarterback of all time? Am I not the stud QB who played through all manner of injuries and personal tragedies? My Dad died and I didn’t miss a game. And this is the thanks I get?

I’ve half a mind to take my $20 million and invest it in an electric fence around the perimeter of my farm. Then I’d get squirrel sized electric collars and pay someone to put them on all the squirrels so they can’t get off my property. Then I’d put on one of those beer hats the fans in Green Bay are so fond of and pick up my bb gun and just start picking the squirrels off one by one. Maybe I can even pee in a bottle of somethin’ so I don’t ever have to leave my porch. I can’t go in the house, Deanna’s there. She’s scary, y’all. How could you let me retire without warning me? And I’m sober, y’all. This is just not gonna work.

So you see why I have to play. It’s either play football or go squirrel hunting. It’s either the cheese heads in Green Bay or Deanna.

The cheese heads are less scary, y’all.