LeBron James to Sign with Seattle Sounders FC of MLS in 2010 (Humor)

Sean "Jay-Z" Carter thought that LeBron James was as good as his. Mike D'Antoni and Donnie Walsh planned to rebuild the Knicks from the ground up by targeting James in 2010.

Then, out of absolutely nowhere, the Greek team Olympiakos apparently thought they were a better destination than Cleveland, Ohio.

Take a back seat, my friends. When 2010 rolls around, LeBron James is headed to the Pacific Northwest. And the only dribbling he'll be doing will be with his feet—with a ball that's anything but orange.

Major League Soccer arrives in Seattle in 2009, and with pro hoops now gone from the Emerald City, a pro hoops star may be the one filling the seats for the city's new professional sports team.

That's because once James opts out of his current contract with the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2010, the Seattle Sounders FC, who will be in their second year of operations, will make a serious run at the budding soccer star.

In fact, consider it a done deal.

"Everyone's been debating about my future in Cleveland since the minute I entered the league," said the NBA's leading scorer. "People love ignoring that I grew up in this area, have a lot invested in this community, and that the fans revere me as some sort of a God here. But it's always about Jay-Z, the Knicks, New York, some kicker in my Nike contract, and what have you.

"Heck, they're even talking about Greece now. So I decided to throw them a real curve ball. Hey, if M.J. could try his hand at Minor League baseball, why can't I play a bit of soccer? Try getting past this wingspan when I'm 6'8" and manning the goal posts, [expletive]!"

Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert and GM Danny Ferry filed a tampering case with the league, but given the fact that the Sounders are not associated with the NBA, David Stern's hands seemed tied in this entire ordeal. It may be a heck of a way for the city of Seattle to get back at Stern by stealing away his league's most marketable star.

"I never wanted to get LeBron out of Cleveland, no matter how much the out-of-control P.R. hype spun out of control," said Stern, fresh off of an autograph signing with Clay Bennett at a local shopping mall in Oklahoma City.

"I mean, I know that this league was at its peak back when big markets like New York, Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago, and Philadelphia were successful, but it's all about the small markets now. We believe we can succeed by stuffing the league with irrelevant teams in irrelevant markets like Memphis, Oklahoma City, Charlotte, Salt Lake City, and Orlando. The NBA is still king in this country, no matter how much you want to deny it."

The news was nothing short of devastating for the city of Cleveland, which started a suicide watch the minute LeBron announced the deal.

"People need to relax," said Ferry. "We still have a two-year window to win a title under LeBron. He's under contract through 2010, so he'll have to sit here for two more years while I continue to surround him with castoffs, misfits, and rejects from around the league. How do you like that 35-year-old Ben Wallace, LeBron? How do you like kicking it out to a washed up and overrated Wally Szczerbiak as he bricks another trey?

"Who else can say that they ruined the same franchise both as a player and GM in a span of just 20 years? I may be a horrible GM, but hey—it's going to be a long time before somebody else can say they did what I did. Admit it, my legacy will be unmatched."

Jay-Z could not be reached for comment.

As for the MLS, the league has already awarded the 2010 All-Star Game to Seattle, hoping that the newfound publicity for the league will be fueled by the time James joins the team midseason in 2010 after he is released from the hell that is his Cleveland Cavaliers contract. 

MLS has also scheduled James' Sounders to travel to L.A. to take on David Beckham's L.A. Galaxy to open the second half of the 2010 season, a game that may be televised in over 200 countries and broadcast in over 500 channels worldwide.

MLS commish Don Garber could not control his glee.

"He truly is 'The Chosen One,'" Garber said via video conference last week. "Who knew that what he was 'chosen' to do was rescue Major League Soccer? We knew we had a chance when that random rumor about that Greek team came out of left field, and now it's a reality.

"2010 cannot come soon enough."