Steven Gerrard Gone Crazy: Joe Cole Is Better Than Messi

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Steven Gerrard Gone Crazy: Joe Cole Is Better Than Messi
Clive Mason/Getty Images

Hyperbole is something that the English media is well known for. It seems to have become so ingrained in the system that it is considered normal to say abnormal things.

Take Steven Gerrard, for example. The Liverpool legend was very lavish in his praise for new teammate Joe Cole. So lavish was he, that it got me thinking—"What is Stevie thinking?"

"Messi can do some amazing things, but anything he can do Joe can do as well, if not better."

Huh? Really? Are we talking football or something else? I don't even want to get into trying to tell Stevie what is wrong with this statement, but why did he say something like this? Who or what planted this idea in his head?

"He used to shock us in training by doing footy tricks with a golf ball that most players can't even do with a football."

Whaaaaaa? Joe Cole is better than Messi because he does fancy tricks with golf balls?

You would think he arrived at this decision because maybe Joe Cole is a better dribbler who can glide past defenders with ease, or maybe he has good vision and precision passing, or maybe he can just bang a lot of goals (If he had demonstrated that would you think Chelsea would have let him go for free ?), but no! He can do tricks with golf balls!

I'm imagining Steven Gerrard dressed in a white shirt and blue shorts sitting in a huge circus tent and screaming deliriously, while Joe Cole is dressed in a shiny dress sitting in a unicycle and juggling golf balls with the Benny Hill theme song playing in the background.

And to end the praise he adds, "I really fancy Joe for the (player of the year) award this season." 

Indeed. Since Joe Cole can do tricks with golf balls that even Messi can't do, and Stevie loves tricks, player of the year naturally follows.

I don't know what to say, Stevie, but if you think that is cool you should check out Helga the Bearded Lady. RRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

(Yes, I'm bored and waiting for the new season to begin.)

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