My All Time World XI

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My All Time World XI

*****WARNING, IF YOU HAVEN'T GOT A SENSE OF HUMOUR, PLEASE LOOK AWAY NOW***

SARCASM ALERT!

The World XI debate has been raging on Bleacher for a couple of months now, so I thought it was time I posted mine. Although I am a Liverpool fan who is only 27 years old, I have been COMPLETELY objective in these choices, and taken into account ALL of footballing history.

MANAGER: GRAEME SOUNESS

He won the FA Cup once, and finished 7th in the league, that surely makes him the best manager EVER. Players would be so scared of him that they would think they were being man-marked by their own shadow, and if the worst come to the worst he could always bring out the 'tache.

GOALKEEPER: SANDER WESTERVELD

An awesome talent, who played gloriously for Liverpool as well as other global giants like Vitesse, Almeria and Portsmouth, truly the great clubs of world football. Won the Cup treble in 2001, the sole greatest achievement of any player in history.

SARCASM ALERT!

RIGHT BACK: TORBEN PIECHNIK

Danish International who won Euro '92 on his own, he did play for Liverpool 17 times as well, but that has absolutely no bearing on me choosing him in the best team EVER. Has since been an estate agent, and a masseur, how many footballers in history can say that?

LEFT BACK: DJIMI TRAORE

Ok, yes I picked another Liverpool player, but this one is completely without bias. Traore is maybe the best player to ever play the game. Instrumental in the 2005 Istanbul come-back, where he managed to complete 120 minutes without once falling over. His name is pronounced 'Jimmy'.

CENTRE BACK: PHIL BABB

Yes, another Liverpool player from the 1990's, but be fair, that was the greatest club side ever, so its only fair a few picks come from that team. Was so good that he would literally rip his nuts on the post to save his team from conceding a goal. Also looked amazing in a white suit.

CENTRE BACK: BJORN TORE KVARME

A legend with Rosenborg, St Etienne and Bastia, and Norway's record appearance holder with 1. He also played for Liverpool, but that has no bearing on him being in the best team ever. So good they named him thrice. Also speaks fluent Irish, now that's talent.

SARCASM ALERT!

RIGHT MIDFIELD: JERMAINE PENNANT

Cost £2.5m when he was only 15. It doesn't get any better than that, but what a start to a career, easily worthy of the right wing slot, he puts Garrincha to shame. Also a convicted drink driver, and as we ignore personality and life skills when it comes to picking an all time XI, who cares? Might have played for Liverpool as well.

LEFT MIDFIELD: HARRY KEWELL

Aussie maestro who was almost as influential in Istanbul as Traore, when he brilliantly retired himself from the field to let someone else who could actually run play. That's leadership. Was so good that he did it again in the 2006 FA Cup Final. Pele is no match for that kind of commitment to a team. Former Liverpool player, again.

CENTRAL MIDFIELD: GRAEME SOUNESS

Yes that's right, a player-manager, I went there, get over it. From on the pitch he can keep a closer eye on his players and kick them if they look at him funny. Will probably hang around the Galatasary flag in the centre circle, using facial expressions to scare the opposition. Diego Maradona my arse!

CENTRAL MIDFIELD: JAMIE REDKNAPP

While the opposition are scared of Souness, they will be mesmerised by the good looks of housewives choice Redknapp. So stylish, that the constant plaster his injured legs were in was designed by Gucci. Now that's class. If all else fails, the camera man could always pick his hot wife out in the crowd. Former Liverpool star, not that it means anything here.

SARCASM ALERT!

STRIKER: RONNIE ROSENTHAL

Scored more than 50 goals in his career, not even Romario can match that strike rate. Once deliberately hit the bar against Villa with the goal at his mercy, saying afterwards that 'we were beating them too easily, I felt sorry for them'. If Ronnie was God then Jesus is coming, his son is on the books of Watford, where his feats include parting the waves of opposition attacks, and not laughing at Danny Shittu's name. Played for Liverpool, but that is irrelevant.

STRIKER: STAN COLLYMORE

Ulrika beating, dogging, reality TV star, Stan was the complete package. Scored 99 league goals in his career, later saying 'If I had scored 100 it would have been unfair on other players throughout history, because once I popped a century I wouldn't have been able to stop, and would have scored about a million goals'. The only player since 1952 to be called Stan. He did play for Liverpool, but that has no bearing on me picking him in the greatest team ever.

SARCASM ALERT!

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