Successfully Demoralizing Your Adversaries

Matty SAnalyst IJuly 30, 2008

Generally speaking, you can always push it to the limit in different aspects of life through gradual progression. If you throw a frog in boiling water, it will jump out, but if you put that same frog in a pot of room temperature water and put it on the stove, it will get cooked to death without even reacting.

The same can be said for chasing women; you’re not going to get a blumpkin the first day you meet a girl, but if you make your way across the sexual spectrum without too many fouls, it’s possible. Unfortunately (if you are on the receiving end), making a fellow fantasy baseball manager break down mentally can only be achieved through dramatic and drastic circumstances.

World War II erupted only after the global powers first attempted to solve their issues through diplomacy. A fantasy baseball war is initiated through persistent public trash talking. Once one of the parties crosses “the line,” bloodshed will ensue.

Similar to America’s decision to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima to save lives in the end, you must, for your own good, lower your morals as much as humanly possible and whip out the most disturbing thing you can think of. Yes, you must teabag your adversary, but not before dodging the shower to the point where your own health is in danger.


Follow this one simple truth and I promise nobody will ever mess with you again. People in your league will be afraid to decline any trade you propose, and fellow mangers will never talk trash no matter how bad your team is. Immediately propose a trade, offering Christian Guzman (strong sell) and Mark Reynolds for Miguel Cabrera (strong buy). If you feel bad intimidating someone this way, just remember these two undeniable truths: 

1. Iron Man created the Jericho Missile, which would lead to an astronomical death toll. A simple equation proves that teabaggin’ is not a serious offense:

Anyone who bangs Gwenyth Paltrow (Iron Man) = God.

God can do no evil.

Therefore, creating the Jericho Missile = Good.

Creating a death machine (Jericho Missile) > gently placing your testicles in or around another person’s mouth.

Anything < creating a Jericho Missile = Good.

Therefore, teabagging = Good.


2. All is fair in love and war.


Now go scar one of your friends for the rest of his life and establish yourself as the alpha male of your fantasy baseball league!


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