A Modest Proposal for Making Over the Home Run Derby

Ok, just hear me out. As embedded as it is within the framework of American culture, I’m proposing some tweaks to MLB's Home Run Derby.

I think it’s important that we approach the issue now, after having a chance to sprinkle some subjectivity on any strongly held convictions regarding the sanctity of the HR Derby's format.

If you’re anything like me, you may have grown up watching the Mickey Mantle vs. Willie Mays, inning-by-inning battle royales, 1950s' style. This 1.0 version of the derby seems quite dated compared to the current version we saw just a couple of weeks ago.

The baseball establishment did the right thing in growing the event into a commercialized event featured during All-Star Weekend. Antes are raised and events evolve. This is the natural order of things, especially with the advent of the sports-only media and 24/7 sports coverage.

As such, I think we are due a mutation in the DNA of the event. There are two main directions to go: The stakes can be raised or the way the game is played must be changed.

If the stakes are raised, then something of significance must be put on the line (a la home-field advantage during the World Series). Sure, there are some menial things that could be approached: margin of victory in the HRD could be translated to the actual game, or there could be some kind of gladiatorial consequences for derby losers.

But I think, for all intents and purposes, we can agree that the derby is what it is, an entertainment expo and demonstration of power. Nothing more, nothing less.

With that being said, we are then charged with reforming this event to provide more entertainment, while staying sensitive to the traditions of baseball purists and their delicate sensibilities. Obviously, the variable, most susceptible to exploitation, is the power factor.

Why do we watch the derby in the first place?

Generally speaking, most of us tune in to see how far these guys hit home runs. We want upper-deck blasts and out-of-the-stadium moon shoots. I can honestly say that I will never forget Mark McGwire’s display of power at the expense of the Green Monster.

What then? How do we further marry the HRD with power?

Quite simple actually: Aluminum bats.

I know, I know. Everybody relax. I know MLB players don’t use aluminum bats and they aren’t used on any level of professional baseball. But who cares? We all know the derby participants can rake. They wouldn’t be in the competition if they couldn’t. If we wanted surprise, then we could line up middle relievers and see who the first to five would be. But we don’t care about that. We want bombs.

If you can get over the initial absurdity of the idea, then it could actually work. Some of the downsides:

1. Outfield seats would either need to be vacated or shielded. While I’m sure temporary netting could be set up along the foul lines, outfield seats may be a different animal. They could either be kept available but with a waiver form or left empty. All in all, not that big of an issue.

2. Pitchers would either have to throw in suits of armor or we would have to rely on pitching machines. I’ll admit that having a pitching machine does bother me a little more than I thought it would, but some of the more daring BP pitches could use a reinforced L-screen. Again, not a huge issue either way.

3. There will be integrity of the game conversations. Yes, using aluminum bats will push the envelope a bit. But consider it akin to the NBA’s dunk contest. What the dunk contest does for the NBA, referencing the most exciting sequence in the sport, so will the new HR derby do for the MLB.

Ok, so you can’t use aluminum bats in games, but NBA players don’t jump over fans during games either.

4. Degree of difficulty will have to be adjusted to account for the new bats. This is easily solved by either increasing pitch speed or decreasing the outs (say from 10 to five).

Think of the implications for an event like this. For open-air parks, networks could cover tape-measure shots all over the city. Just think, maybe we could tell our grand-kids about the time when Ryan Howard hit a ball the traveled 700 feet out of the stadium in the air and 500 feet down a freeway, coming to rest in a median where fans took turns dodging traffic trying to retrieve the ball.

Companies like TPX and Easton could unveil their new models, as they do at the College World Series. Heck, along those lines, MLB could invite the NCAA HR leader to compete for the underdog factor. What revenue that may be lost in outfield seats could be more than made up for by street vendors all around the stadium, as fans await monster shots to chase all over the city.

Let’s face it: The HR derby is a fun event, but one that is in need of a makeover. Case in point is that what everyone remembers from this year’s derby is not that Justin Morneau bested Josh Hamilton; rather that Hamilton blasted a surreal 28 HRs in the first round.

So let’s drop the anticlimactic endings and reinvent the derby to provide what everyone wants to see: Home runs that are farther and more frequent. I, for one, want to be able to see the first 1,000-foot home run. It could happen.