Manny Ramirez Needs to Be Traded by the Boston Red Sox

The Boston Red Sox are contemplating trading their exasperating superstar, Manny Ramirez, before Thursday’s deadline, according to published reports.

Ramirez, 36, who is in the last season of the eight-year, $168 million contract he signed with Boston in December of 2000, urged Red Sox management Sunday night to find a suitor for his services.

“If the Red Sox are a better team without Manny Ramirez, they should trade me; I will not object,” said the diva that refers to himself in the third person.

Beantown’s chromosome-deprived nine-time Silver Slugger, who must approve any trade because of his 10-5 status (10 years in the major leagues, the past 5 with the same team), said he would accept a move anywhere as long as he could get out of the Hub.

“I’m tired of them. They’re tired of me,” said Ramirez. “I don’t have any preferences. I could choose a team that offers me the best conditions or one in the chase for the postseason.”

The Washington Heights native, who has 508 home runs and 1,669 RBI in 16 professional seasons, said he would even entertain the option of playing baseball in the gorgeous and pacifying war-torn country of Iraq.

“I don’t care where I play, I can even play in Iraq if need be.”

Despite his enormous production, Ramirez, a man that assaulted a senior citizen earlier this month, has been problematic and troublesome for the Sox hierarchy and it may be time for team officials to stop providing the 12-time All-Star with the inane mulligan known as “Manny being Manny.”

“I could say that right now there’s a strange atmosphere in our team,” observed Ramirez.

The “strange atmosphere” was likely cultivated by the Red Sox answer to Sideshow Bob himself and the only way to rectify Boston’s chemistry may be to jettison the eccentric hemorrhoid.

At this point, “Manny waving bye” sounds a lot more appealing than “Manny being Manny.”