Dan Gilbert's Calls To LeBron James' Machine

Dan Gilbert, owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers, posted a scathing letter upon LeBron James' departure to Miami. The letter had a jilted-lover vibe and when you dig through it, you find it full of sneaky gags and subtle digs.

We also heard that Gilbert sent out biting tweets as well as snarky comments left on LeBron’s answering machine.

We’re not sure if the messages below were actually left on LeBron's machine, but they could have been. We wouldn’t be surprised if some of these messages were drunk dialed:

“Hey, James. I dropped the price on your Fatheads to $17.41. That’s right, from $99 to the number of the same year Benedict Arnold sold out to the British. Did you hear me, TRAITOR?”

We need to mention “Fatheads” are a brand of full-sized wall posters and the company that makes “Fatheads” is owned by Dan Gilbert.

“Hey Traitor, it’s me again. Cut it with the Abe Lincoln beard. You joined the South…and besides, backstabber, Lincoln would have had the decency to call!”

“Nice of you to help the Boys and Girls Clubs. Don’t be surprised if all the little boys and girls grow up to be traitors!”

“We hear you’re moving to Miami. What’s wrong, Betty White not old enough for you?”

“Hey LeDouche, we had a t-shirt giveaway for Witness No. 23. Sad news: nobody took them.”

“Hey Deserter, the pet store called and wanted liners for their bird cages. We gave them your jerseys.”

“Hey, it’s me again. I called you narcissistic. In case you don’t know what it means, the word has three “I”s in it, hint…hint.”

“As long we’re talking third person, you know what has more rings than LeBron...Gloria James’s bath tub!”

“Hey, it’s me again. Everyone up here wants to know if your new Florida home will have a west wing on it. Oh snap! I meant a Delante West wing.”

“We’ve got a new drink in Cleveland called the LeBron. Before the bartender finishes making it, he quits on you!”

“Hey, tell me if this is true. I heard you stormed the altar and interrupted Melo’s wedding vows. Really, LeBron? Just to tell everyone you wanted chicken at the reception?”

“Hey Coward, tell your friends at Creative Artists if they expect their Quick Books to ever work again, GOOD LUCK!”

“Joe Pesci’s pinky-finger! In case you’re wondering, that’s another thing with more rings than you.”