MMA's Greatest Facial Hair: 'Staches, Beards, and What Is That?

In MMA anything that weighs you down needs to go. You just can't win with a fat belly or slow goofy feet. Now, don't tell Josh Barnett—he's beating that stereotype.

But these five greats said, "If I can't wear a face guard, I'll sure as heck grow one." Here's the list of the top five follicle feats and follies.

5. Keith Jardine

Jardine is new to the game of facial hair fame, but he is quickly leaving an indelible mark with his scraggly masterpiece. I have affectionately dubbed it the Dean of Mean to razors.

This chin guard is similar to most you would find in a heavy metal band, which fits his style. Thumbs up for this one!

4. Heath Herring

Heath's facial hair is usually as crazy as the hair on top of his head. His hair is always changing colors and designs, making MMA fans wonder if the crazy horse really is crazy. I mean, he must be considering the number of times he's been hit by the likes of Cro Cop and Fedor, or maybe it's just the dye's chemicals.

Either way, I give this one an eight out of 10 on Tuesday, and a five on Wednesday, (ratings subject to change).

3. Chuck Liddell

This one is more famous based on the success of the man who dons it. Nonetheless, this goatee of greatness is worthy of mention here because of the precision it takes to maintain.

Chuck manages to leave a Fu Man Chu-like box around his mouth while cutting out the insides only to leave a small flavor saver under his mouth. I give this one a nod for effort and difficulty.

2. Kimbo Slice

As much as I dislike Kimbo, his unruly beard defies logic. What man would want a beard like that? What man with means to cut it, who isn't homeless, would allow this atrocity that birds could nest in? Kimbo Slice.

It is strange, but it is also very identifiable and therefore marketable—enter EliteXC. Any way you slice it (pun very much intended), everyone recognizes him when a few orioles poke out of that thing.

1. Don Frye

Did you really expect anyone else? This Tom Selleck-esque masterpiece known only as the Fryestache is the greatest piece of hair to sit upon somebody's top lip since Rollie Fingers was in the MLB.

How else could Frye withstand the onslaught of the Takayama fight? Frank Trigg once said, "Don Frye's mustache is like a helmet that protects him from punches."

The Fryestache is the cheat code of facial hair. It was even rumored that when Frye was a firefighter in NYC he needed no equipment, only his America shorts and his trusty flame retardant 'stache.

The Fryestache will live on forever as a true MMA legend.

As we pay homage to the infallibilities of facial hair we ourselves look on in amazement only just bringing ourselves to believe that we could pull off such an amazing follicle feat. I'm sorry to break the news, but you can't, that's what makes these five legendary.