How do we hate thee? Let us count the ways:
1. Trotting out your 70-year-old-or-so mother to fire the first salvo in this war. Instead of acting like a man, you trotted her out what seems like a hundred years ago to state how the Packers didn't want you back and how the Packers were not respecting you. Respect? How about respecting your mother and not requiring her to launch the first missle?
2. Your Brett Favre Foundation, supposedly a charitable foundation, has the same address as your business agent James "I'll throw anyone under the BUS for money" Cook. Hmmm, there are about 1,000 Freedom of Information requests pending on THIS supposed charitable foundation.
You know what they say—charity begins at home OR in the offices of my business agent. Or, as James "Bus" Cook allegedly says, "I need more money, so I need to get Brett another two- or three-year contract OR I'll need to Cook the charitable books a lot more."
3. Your pick in the 2008 NFC Championship game. Guess what, Brett? You were all constipated there. Cold, wasn't it? There were actually other teammates there who have families, talent, and even charitable foundations. But, you wanted a warm tent and, when it didn't happen, you just decided to try to stick it in somewhere. (Is your poor aim the reason your current wife Deanna threatened to leave you in the 90's?)
4. Trotting out your family once again in the recent Peter King SI statements. What a man you are, Brett, saying Deanna and your family said you should stop letting the Packers play you for a fool. Are you so in love with Bus Cook that his face morphs into Deanna's every time you talk to him?
You keep hiding behind your mother and Deanna. What's next? The Brett Favre-Bus Cook Cookbook in which you pretend to bake chocolate chip cookies from a secret recipe? Here's a recipe! Greatest Green Bay QB: take NFL championship and SB wins, mix, and the result is—BART STARR.
5. Once upon a time, books were written about you with titles such as Greatest NFL Quarterback, or, Beloved: The Brett Favre Story. Now, the titles will be: American Tragedy: A Man, His Agent, and Money, or The Favre/Cook Cookbook: Cooking Up Money While Hiding Behind Your Mother and Wife's Apron Strings.
6. We want to quit you, Brett Favre. We, the fans of a tiny team in a tiny city with tiny pocketbooks, want you to go away. We defended you through the addictions, the wild craziness in certain Northern Wisconsin bars, and ALL the interceptions in playoff games in which, despite your disclaimers, we knew the TEAM, not just you, got us there.
We, the fans of the Green Bay Packers, want to quit YOU, Brett. We want your mother and wife to be released from taking all the crap. We understand what hard work is and, frankly, it must be hell to have to point at women for all the crap just so you can pad your stats.
To Bonita and Deanna Favre, I can only say that women are the toughest and you two have certainly proved that. Sure, you are the benefactors of the money from Packer fans, some who make $10 an hour, and the benefactors of the Packer fans support (including making Brett the first $100 million NFL player) and Packer fan excuses for Brett over the years. But, it still must be tough to be the point-women who have to take the bullets for Brett and Bus. I'm just hoping you have a contract with Brett that pays you as much as Bus Cook is getting.
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!