The Pacland Writers Benevolent Fund

CJ JamesContributor IJuly 6, 2010

This is a serious announcement.

There is a major crisis facing the internet. It's a crisis so huge, it will make the panic surrounding the “Millenium Bug” (for you young guys, there was a bit of panic) look like a sunny day in the park.

Manny Pacquiao is almost certainly either going to:

1. retire

2. lose

within the next 18 months.

The prospect of which is truly terrifying for boxing writers and websites around the world.

Writing rubbish articles about Manny Pacquiao is a global industry. (the most amateurish fan site of all time) has become a legit money-making company.

All from flooding the internet with Manny Pacquiao articles, and working on the principle that, “Hey, two billion people live in Asia, so there’s probably a good chance that 'Manny Pacquiao' is going to be Googled quite a lot.

The simple sum:

Anything about Manny Pacquiao + paying Google money to make sure the web site comes out high on search requests = "ching ching!”

However, comrades, we need to think ahead.

Start planning.

Think ahead.

As soon as the guy loses or retires, the game's over.

And it’s going to be carnage.

Thousands of writers realize they are actually pretty lame and can’t get more than 100 reads unless “Manny Pacquiao” is somewhere in the title.

On the scrap heap.

Riots, as they storm the Wild Card gym, demanding Pacquiao box again, so that they have something to write about.

Chaos in the unemployment queues as website after website fails, as they realise that they actually don’t have a readership other than Manny Pacquiao articles.

Michael Marley and his Examiner cronies declared bankruptcy as the Pac gravy train roles to a sudden halt.

I’m announcing the formation of the PWBF: The Pacland Writers Benevolent Fund.

A charity to help the fan writers and boxing sites who have climbed the ranks on the principle that most of Asia would read an article called: “Pacquiao is better than Madonna,” as long as the guy’s name was in the title.

To help them re-adjust to a society that no longer gives a crap what they think about boxing.

To pay Michael Marley a healthy pension, on the principle that he can’t get a read unless he’s riding Manny Pacquiao’s tail, so will surely have to retire.

To offer training to all of those who just thought that an article called "Manny Pacquiao (insert any word)" was enough to make it in writing.

Please give generously.

In recognition of this movement, the humble, goat herding, Pacquiao, who hates money, fame, and the celebrity life, has just finished making the movie "Wapakman!"

A humble documentary, about being humble, and not chasing the celebrity life, I assume.

He promises to give all proceeds (once he's bought a big mercedes) to the fund.

PS. It was the only film (out of 80) NOT to win an award in the Manilla Film Festival. And national hero Pacquiao's in it. How freaking awful is it!

PPS. How does this guy get away with making such freaking awful, cheesy,movies by the way!

PPSS. Pacquiao is the Fillipino Arnold Schwarznegger - Kindagarden Kop Era