José Mourinho Signs Robbie Findley, Robert Green to Bolster Real Madrid
In one of the most shocking transfers in football history, Real Madrid's new manager, José Mourinho, signed United States talisman Robbie Findley and English goalkeeper Robert Green after their stellar play at the 2010 FIFA World Cup.
Mourinho, who held a press conference early Tuesday to announce the news, was ecstatic about adding Findley, the star striker for Major League Soccer's Real Salt Lake.
"He is instantly going to be a starter for my squad," Mourinho said, who has strikers like Argentina's Gonzalo Higuaín and Spanish legend Raúl at his disposal. "His finishing skills are second-to-none."
Indeed, Findley had been a top prospect for European clubs ever since he inexplicably aimed a wide-open shot, placed just outside the penalty area, directly at Algerian goalkeeper Rais M'Bolhi.
When asked to comment on the signing, M'Bolhi simply said, "What the !#@$?"
Known for his speed and nothing else, the Real Salt Lake superstar was in tears after officially signing the papers. Claiming it was the happiest moment of his life, Findley said he was excited to make the jump overseas.
"I can't believe Mr. Mourinho gave me this opportunity to showcase my talent in La Liga. I will finally be able to put to rest questions about why the hell Bob Bradley started me against Ghana."
The 24-year-old striker proceeded to sprint down the hallway with no clear direction or purpose.
To bolster Real Madrid's lackluster goalkeeping, the Spanish giants added English stud, Robert Green. Green only started one game in the 2010 World Cup, but he sure made a big impact.
The keeper's lone blunder against the U.S. in England's opening game—a 1-1 tie—was one that any international goalie would make. The error, in which Green mishandled a Clint Dempsey blast that slid along the damp grass at a sizzling 20 miles per hour, is seared into the minds of football fans around the world.
"It just keeps replaying in my mind, over and over," said an England supporter, who wished to remain anonymous
Contrary to popular belief, world-class goalkeeper Iker Casillas will not be retaining his position as starting goalie at Real Madrid. According to Mourinho, Casillas hasn't been "on form" this World Cup, and has "room for improvement" with stopping low, sputtering shots aimed directly at him.
That's where Green steps in.
The former West Ham goalie believes he is the missing piece in the Galacticos puzzle who can lead Madrid to yet another trophy-less season.
"I've already shown I can be a scapegoat at the international level, so there's no reason I can't be one in La Liga."
He then added that screwing up in La Liga is like "child's play" compared to the World Cup.
But some Madrid supporters aren't so sure that this is the right direction for the club. Fans across the world are up in arms and refusing to support their beloved club; some even have threatened to burn down the Bernabeu.
Even with an unhappy fan base, Mourinho is sticking by his signings.
"Findley and Green are the future of Real Madrid. With them on our side, we can fail to live up to expectations year in and year out—something the Spanish are quite used to, I might add."
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