Tuesday in Detroit, "Malice at the Palace II" broke out.
No, it didn't have Lisa Leslie running into the stands and shoving fans' faces into the seats.
It didn't have Candace Parker beating the crap out of the spitting image of Turtle as he ran out onto the court and confronted her, either.
However, history was made that evening.
The WNBA had made its first headline in its twelve-year history.
"I've been trying to sell this league from the very beginning as a game that isn't much different from its male counterpart, "said NBA commissioner David Stern, delusional advocate of the WNBA. "And now, with this fight and the ensuing suspensions that have now been handed out, I feel as if the gap is smaller than ever between the men's game and the women's game."
At the center of the scuffle, was Detroit assistant coach Rick Mahorn, a former Pistons player.
"I had run out there with the intent of knocking down one of the women, and I was able to accomplish that tonight," said Mahorn, while putting lawyers on hold. "I know the league is struggling to draw fans, so I figured some good old-fashioned "Bad Boys" basketball was necessary."
Mahorn knocked Sparks' legend Lisa Leslie to the ground during the fracas.
"Yeah, I kinda took a dive," said Leslie, while counting cash. "David Stern told me that if I made it look like Mahorn assaulted me, it would make for good television, and I would be "handsomely rewarded"."
Stern, when asked about this alleged seedy financial transaction that took place between he and Leslie, did not have much to say.
"I don't have any idea what you are referring to, this is clearly a rogue, isolated incident," he said, while throwing darts at the Tim Donaghy target on the door to his office. "I've been saying nonstop how our leagues are committed to the highest levels of professionalism and integrity, and this one rogue, isolated incident will not be able to tear that down."
Los Angeles rookie Candace Parker, who allegedly dunked in a game earlier this season, was in the middle of the rumble.
"Since we've been trying to market one player dunking one time per season for a while to no avail, we figured getting in a fight would be a better idea," said Parker. "It's just too bad it turned out so goofy looking. Hell, Karl Malone's illegitimate daughter even got hurt, that wasn't supposed to happen."
Former Jazz forward Karl Malone, father of Detroit Shock F Cheryl Ford, discussed the fight...sort of.
"What? I have a daughter? That's impossible, she doesn't even have the same last name as me," said Malone, sounding Cajun. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back out to this here Louisiana bayou to catch me some crawfish for 'this here crawfish broil we havin' tonight, I guarantee."
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