Jeffrey Dahmer was a beast. Ed Gein was a monster.
And if Green Bay Packers general manager Ted Thompson does not pull his head out of the frozen sand and keep Brett Favre from getting dished to another team, he, too, is going to be on the state's very short "Infamous List".
Ask Dan Devine about what life is like on that list. Or ask his dog.
There simply are no excuses, reasons, or justifications that would have Brett Favre wearing a jersey other than a Packers jersey. None.
I am not sure where Ted Turner (or Thompson, or whatever his name is) comes from, but for him to let Brett Favre go to another team is like lifting his leg on the entire Cheesehead Nation and taking a whizz.
And that is not acceptable in Wisconsin. Not when a player like Favre gave everything he had for 16 years in Green Bay and is the very embodiment of the Packers.
If Thompson deals Brett Favre to another NFL team, he is going to earn the top spot as "The Most Hated Man in Wisconsin," hands down. No Chicago Bear will even have to run for election.
It would be the biggest stab in the back to every citizen of the state since Lew Alcindor changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and went to the Los Angeles Lakers.
Or maybe since President Clinton's Secretary of Defense, Wisconsin's own Les Aspin, refused to authorize the use of tanks in support of a mission in Somalia because we "might alienate the United Nations." Of course, the result was that he got 18 soldiers killed in Mogadishu in the "Black Hawk Down" incident.
Perhaps Ted Thompson could take a few lessons from the inglorious pasts of other shameful Wisconsonites. Remember the "Mogadishu Mile," that unprotected one-mile-long run that U.S. soldiers had to take down the streets of the hostile city while being shot at from every direction continuously the whole way?
Well, suppose we offer Thompson the "Green Bay Gauntlet" instead?
Sure, he could start running at Lambeau field and then try to make it to any state line where he can cross into freedom. Of course, Cheeseheads unhappy with Thompson's treachery in dealing Favre would be free to practice their marksmanship in this event.
Perhaps Thompson could do as nice of a job dodging bullets as the U.S. soldiers, who were put in a terrible position by fearLESs ASPIN, did. And if he gets running along and begins to think the heat is getting too much, the bullets too close, he can always choose to go "another direction;" he seems to think that is a good idea nowadays.
What if Aaron Rodgers—Ted's brainchild, whom Thompson hopes will prove him to be a genius—gets hurt? Then what?
Then we switch the channel and watch Brett Favre play for the Buccaneers or something? NEGATIVE, Mr. Thompson. FAVRE IS A PACKER. Forever. Unlike you.
Don't make them find your head in Jeffrey Dahmer's freezer or your skin around Ed Gein's lamp. Do the right thing. Or get your running shoes on, and grab a bottle of water...