SATIRE—Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell's new exercise video is currently in the works, appropriately titled: "40-Year Abs By The Iceman."
It appears the prolific party animal of the mixed martial arts world has traded in his notorious belly keg for a highly refined set of six-pack abs, the first in the 40-year-old's 12-year fighting career.
Has hell frozen over courtesy of an Iceman overhand right to Satan's suspect chin, crystallizing the fiery underworld and all its Hitler-esque inhabitants? We might be witnessing the prophesied revelation.
It was bound to happen. Either the Lord Our Savior, Jesus Christ, was going to bless his fans with an encore, or Chuck Liddell was going to sculpt his mid-section into a Renaissance piece of art—submitting it as the latest Louvre attraction in Paris.
But before we fly off our seats with astonishment—going primatially insane—let's take a step back, cross our eyes, and stare at this Kodak moment like it was a Magic Eye book from the 90s.
I’ve never had any luck with those tripped out Magic Eye books, always telling my friends, "Oh yeah!! I see it, I see it!!" Really, I saw nothing—just a bunch of wavy lines and an opportunity to fit in. If you were one of those kids who could see tropical beach screensavers or the Magna Carta, psychedelics might not be for you—humans cannot fly, and diabolical Telebubbies aren't trying to kill you.
Just trying to save you a bad trip down the yellow brick road.
So what gives?
Could Chuck's new abs be an Adobe masterpiece, a pixilated sleight of hand? Has John Hackleman been replaced by David Copperfield as his head trainer?
I have a feeling the Mohawk maniac is pulling a fast one on us, trying to convince the peanut galleries that it's possible to fox-trot and two-step your way from the dance floor to a title-run.
With that said, will Rich "Ace" Franklin be prepared for Liddell's abs, and, more importantly, his footwork?
If this fight goes the distance, I could see a sweeping unanimous decision in Chuck's favor:
"Carrie Ann Inaba scores it—amazing. Len Goodman scores it—your footwork was the dog's bullocks. Bruno Tonioli scores it—fantastico !"
Come to think of it, maybe it's in both fighters' interest if one of the Dancing With The Stars judges replaced Cecil Peoples for their main event fight this Saturday night at UFC 115 .