The Powerfully, Scary Mikhail Prokhorov

Owen StifflerContributor IMay 18, 2010

NEW YORK - MAY 18:  (EXCLUSIVE) Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov with cultural icon and Nets investor JAY-Z celebrate Prokhorov's purchase of the team at lunch today at JAY-Z's 40/40 club on May 18, 2010 in New York City. Prokhorov is representing the Nets tonight at the NBA Draft Lottery in which the team could secure the first pick.  (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images for New Jersey Nets)
Larry Busacca/Getty Images

I'm going to make this brief because if I know anything, it's that men with money have unimaginable power and are immediately alerted of any threat to their name at any time across the entire globe. I'm a die-hard Chicago fan at heart, so obviously I'll be discussing Net's owner Mikhail Prokhorov.

There's only one word to describe the man: Scary. I'll have an argument with anyone about who's scarier than a ridiculously rich, gigantic, confident, ladies-man, Russian billionaire.

I was pretty confident in thinking that when the Nets fell to the third pick in the lottery rather than the first, that the man would quickly teleport from the building just in time to avoid the place being nuked by the undeniable personal army he has.

The reason I bring the man up as a Chicago Bulls fan though: LeBron James. I feel like a man as powerful and rich as Prokhorov can have LeBron brainwashed into choosing the Nets as his destination with the snap of a finger.

Obviously, I'm pulling for LeBron to land in Chicago but I tremble at the capabilities of this Russian billionaire and his potential persuasion of LeBron.

Just promise me one thing, LeBron, when Prokhorov's golden robots come kidnap you in the middle of the night while you're in deep sleep dreaming of your future unending comparisons to Michael Jordan as obviously you dream of playing in Chicago, don't give in to their brain washing, persuading powers that the Russian has undoubtedly installed in them.

Thank you.

Now I'll sit and wait to be brutally murdered by those robots