Oakland, CA- Infuriated that the Los Angeles Clippers have signed Kelenna Azubuike to an offer sheet, Golden State Warriors, LLC. has announced that it will attempt to buy the Clippers franchise for $400 million.
The Warriors' offer is worth approximately $100 million more than the estimated value of the L.A. franchise, one of the least valuable despite playing in one of the largest media markets in the country.
"This is the last straw," Chris Cohan, Warriors owner, was quoted as saying. "I bet they don't even know how to spell 'Kelenna Azubuike'."
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If the bid is successful, Cohan said, the new Clippers franchise will be moved to Oakland, while the Warriors will be moved back to San Francisco. According to Cohan, this would "help alleviate the confusion about all those 'The City' Baron Davis jerseys that so many tourists and out-of-market TV viewers experience."
When asked if there was any possibility of Clippers ownership rejecting the takeover offer, Cohan smiled and said "we're talking Donald Sterling...we're talking Donald Sterling. And if he doesn't take the offer, we'll sic Carl Icahn on him. Who does he think we are, a Belgian brewery?"
Cohan also mentioned that the offer was not too large, because if Troy Murphy was worth $60 million, "think what a whole franchise is worth."
A reporter did inquire if part of the motivation behind the bid was to bring Baron Davis back to Oakland. "Of course not, it's not like that traitor ever did anything to put fans in the seats, or bring excitement to Oakland. To recreate that environment, we must bring back Erik Dampier.
If the takeover was to fail, Cohan concluded, "we would still have a nice consolation prize in Ronny Turiaf."
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4 months ago
Funny. I like it!
4 months ago
Is this thing even real? If I see this on any media format (Video or Audio)...I will believe it, but if this is just some bored guy's pathetic excuse of starting a rumor, then let the viral of comments begin. SICK Wit' Them CLIPS! Let's bring Baron back to Oakland! if this is even for real.
I SAY NOT!!!
4 months ago
Good Stuff. I needed a laugh.
On a different subject, the Warriors should match the offer sheet for Buike. Just look how he started the season last year.......on fire, only to see his minutes and productivity take a hit once Jax got back, and Monta turned into "The Mississippi Bullet".
For $ 3 Mil a year, Az is a bargain. The Dubs should match, unless it costs them a chance to give Beins and Monta their cheddar!!!
from 4 months ago
I really like Buke, too, and think that we should match. He always seems to play well. But you're right, what if we matched, then Monta and Biedrins got a huge offer sheets, and we didn't have enough left over. When I first saw the news, I thought to myself "are the Clippers just messing with Mullin so they can go after Monta." Then I realized Camby ate their cap space. Anyway, I hope they match, I've always liked Buke better than Pietrus anyway.
4 months ago
Good, I help to purchase of the LA team. But, I will trade Davis for a dozen eggs. I lost respect for Davis.
4 months ago
So I guess the rumors of Billy Beane taking over for Mullin as GM aren't true either. He would have traded Buke last year before the deadline for two highschoolers and a donkey from Argentina.
If the warriors do resign Buke, and there are a couple injuries, we could be looking at a starting line up of Monta, Buke, Jack, Hendrix and Turiaf - the all second rounder team!
4 months ago
This attempt at satire is so bad, it literally broke the internet.
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