It's very rare that I'm not in for a good bet.
Sure, I've lost in strip poker to a hot chick and got laughed at—not a proud moment.
Then again, getting booted out of the Casino Queen for giving Jackie Smith a hard time at the dollar blackjack table for dropping his drink like he dropped the winning TD in the Super Bowl also ranks up there.
Put on your clear green visor and your lucky boxers—Vegas has released their opening line on Over/Unders for wins, and I likey:
- Oklahoma has a solid 10 wins on the O/U. The Big 12 South is tougher than the North, so 10 wins is a little tougher, but again, they play 14 games the same way Mizzou does if they win the South, and 13 if they don't but get to a bowl. On the flip side, OU craps themselves in the bowl. Tough call, but that's what Vegas is for. Screw it. Over.
- Mizzou sits at 9.5. Take the Over like it's your job. If the Tigers win the North, they are guaranteed 14 games with the bowl game. Vegas, you dumb. Especially since you also have Mizzou as the sixth-best bet at 10/1 to win the National Title.
- Texas with a 9.0 spot. Run from this bet. Texas is my dark horse pick in the South, but this season could be crazier than my ex-girlfriend when she found out that her Ford Probe wasn't a BMW. Damn, she was dumb, and you are too if you throw money at this number.
Texas only leaves the state twice the entire season (Colorado and kU...both very winnable). But that Big 12 South is good. If a gun is placed to your head, and you can't talk the guy into shooting you rather than taking this bet, take the over.
- Texas Tech also owns a 9.0 O/U on wins. Seriously? Under. It's still Texas freakin' Tech. For some reason, this team has been hotter than Megan Fox's ass lately, but I'm not in that club.
- Kansas has 8.0. While most people, including myself, agree that Mark Mangino has a better chance of losing 250 pounds in a week than kU winning the North, I still think they get at least eight wins. Over.
- Oklahoma State: 7.0. Wow. This call is easier than my pickup of Patrick Swayze in my Death Pool. Under. Under, under, under.
- Texas A&M in with 7.0 as well. Crap. This team always disappoints like a deadbeat dad. Seven wins is obtainable, especially with Fatback and Lightning back and Sherminator at the helm. I hate myself. Then again, Army and Arky State are on their schedule. Over.
- Nebraska with 7.0 wins? You're crazy if you think Nebraska is an automatic seven-win squad. Pelini is DOA this year, and that Husker defense will allow more scoring than a Bellevue East cheerleader on prom night. Joe Ganz at QB? Huskerh8er lets you know all about the offense.
Then again, they load up on cupcakes for three automatics before getting punched in the gunt by VTech, Mizzou, Tech, Oklahoma, and probably kU. They do play Iowa State (in Ames though) and annual vag, Baylor. Push. Don't be proud of your bowl, panzee.
- Kansas State at 6.5 wins. If Vegas somehow put out a negative number on O/U for wins, I'd debate on a push. The Cats are horrendous this year. Under.
- Colorado rocks a 5.5 O/U. Have you seen that schedule? Brutal. This will be the best four or five-win team in a long time. Sorry Buffs: Under. Not even a second thought. If you don't put heavy cash on the under, hop on the short bus, son.
- Iowa State with 3.0? First of all, put an 'L' down for every road game, except against Baylor. It's the Big 12 Cripple Fight, so it's winnable. Good thing they pull Mizzou, Nebraska, kU, and ATM for conference home games. Ooops! ISU is bound to crap themselves against Kent State or South Dakota State. Those are the games to put money on! Under.
- Baylor into the clubhouse with 3.0. I'm not going to waste a description. It's Baylor: UNDER!!!
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