Monday Night Impact: Based On A True Story

Alfred Konuwa@@ThisIsNastyFeatured ColumnistMay 5, 2010

Meet Impact (TNA Impact).  Impact is a young, but promising, party promoter.  Impact's parties are known for being high energy and non-stop.  Some of the hottest and youngest individuals (TNA Roster) are always in attendance at any of Impact's parties.  Since its start date on June 4, 2004, 2004, Impact's party promotion company has grown at a satisfactory pace. 

By staying true to himself and his abilities, Impact eventually moved into a bigger facility to run his business (Spike TV). He would go on to enjoy a litany of household improvements over the next few years.  

Through word of mouth and positive press, Impact became more popular with his friends.  In due time, Impact began to throw parties on Thursday nights, a popular party night.  

Impact's parties didn't have a reputation for taking anybody's breath away, but they were serviceable.  And while laced with promise, Impact still had many noticeable flaws that affected his social status.  

Impact talked very fast.  His stories seemed to run together and at times he would tell multiple stories at once without stopping to even take a breath.  Many were turned off by his lack of delivery and pacing when it came to telling a story.

After a few years of the, now routine, Thursday night parties, Impact received a call from his mother (Dixie Carter).  Dixie and Impact's father (Jeff Jarrett) were going through some problems and they were not on good terms.  It wasn't too long before his father would move out of the house

Impact's mother, however, informed him that everything would be all right.  In fact, they were about to get a whole lot better! 

"I met somebody," said Dixie. 

His name was Terry (Hulk Hogan). 

Terry is a very famous man with a lot of connections.  Impact's mother wanted Impact to meet Terry as she believed that Terry could make Impact's parties better than ever. 

Many of Impact's peers were skeptical of Terry.  He had a reputation for being an egomaniac who was only out for himself.  It also didn't help that Terry had a very public and messy divorce in 2001 while working out in Atlanta (WCW) in a situation similar to the one he finds himself in now.

Impact eventually agreed to have a meeting with Terry, who assured him that today was a new day.  Terry said that his relationship with Impact and Dixie would be nothing like the debacle in Atlanta as he had learned his lesson. 

It wasn't too long before Terry would move in with Impact and Dixie. 

Terry was very charming.  He spoke very respectfully both to and about Dixie, and he was spending a lot of time with Impact.  

One day, Terry had a conversation with Impact that would change Impact's life.   

"What do you think about having a party on a Monday Night, brother?" Said Terry. 

Common knowledge says that Monday Night's are a bad night to throw parties.  Monday Night is the same night that Impact's counterpart, RAW, (WWE RAW) throws his parties.  RAW has a storied history on Monday nights, dating back to the early 90's, and over the last two decades his party promotion company has become nothing short of an empire. 

Terry believed Impact could draw a respectable crowd if ithe threw a party on Monday, for one night only, before going back to his regular Thursday night parties. 

Through the use of his unmistakable charm and hallmark shrewdness, Terry, with help from his business partner Uncle Eric (Eric Bischoff), successfully convinced Impact to hold a party on Monday, January 4th, 2010. 

The party was a success.

Despite drawing only a fraction of RAW's crowd on this Monday Night, Impact drew its largest crowd for a party in the company's four year history.  Impact's guest list included a who's who of pop culture, including Impact's legendary grandfather (Ric Flair), his pervert uncle (Sean Morley), and his drug addict brothers (Jeff Hardy, Scott Hall, Sean Waltman), all of whom loved to party.

After his big Monday bash, Impact resumed throwing parties on Thursday's as promised.  However it wasn't long before Terry and Uncle Eric approached Impact with another proposition.

"What do you think about having your parties on Monday Nights, every night, brother?" Said Terry.   

Impact had to be careful.  Sure, on January 4th he drew an impressive number of people.  But this was RAW we're talking about.  Impact wasn't sure that he'd gotten his name out enough, over his four years in business, for a permanent move to Monady's to be justified.  This would be a big step.  This would be a big risk. 

It could be deadly. 

With some smooth talking from Terry and Uncle Eric, Impact once again put his faith in their judgment and announced to his employees and partygoers that he would be moving his parties to Monday Nights for good.  

But the result wasn't good, it was disastrous.  

Despite continuing to land some notable regulars (i.e. RVD), Impact's parties struggled on Monday Nights.  While Impact's party hosting abilities showed some promise, he would soon revert back to his bad habits of poor storytelling.  At times, Impact would begin telling his friends (the Impact Zone) a story, however his attention would be diverted resulting in Impact failing to follow through on these stories.

On the grand stage that was the Monday Night party scene, Impact had to constantly be on his A-Game in order to succeed. 

He wasn't.  Not even close.

Over the course of the next two months, Many grew tired and annoyed of Impact's weekly parties on Monday Nights.  The music was too loud.  People bled.  The music ran together.  There was no pacing.  Blood stained the dance floor.  It was too crowded.  People were bleeding. There were too many old guys on the dance floor.  Not to mention all the blood. 

As the crowds dwindled, those who chose to stick around would often leave the club with their ears ringing and their heads spinning.  

It didn't help that Terry brought his abrasive buddies over to crash for a few weeks.

Impact would go on to feel insult added to the many emotional injuries suffered during Impact's now embattled run on Monday Night's.  Impact's party on April 26 drew the fewest people in company history.

It was time to go home.

After a strategic meeting with Terry and Uncle Eric, Impact decided that it would be best for all intents and purposes to move his parties back to Thursday nights.  Deflated with embarrassment, Impact had his mother Dixie make the announcement

So long Monday Night Impact, we hardly knew ye.  It was fun while it lasted.  Right?






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