The Other Side: Monkey Smacking The Fans

Chad PortoContributor IMay 4, 2010

*Disclaimer!!!*……….’s.   Plural…meaning multiple.

- Lords Of Evolution does not promote insults, swearing or the act of punching religious deity’s. LOE also does not support swallowing, or being asked to swallow rat poison.  LOE columnist Chad Porto would also like to make apparent that a monkey is a simple minded cercopithecoid or platyrrhine primate, and is not in any way used used other then in that context of a primate.   Which as we all know is a primitive, often times “simple” minded creature.  That we all wish to keep in our closet and have sword fights with on occasion, or maybe rob a bank with.

- LOE would also like to point out that they don’t support the abuse of monkeys or any other animals in any form, but especially sword fights.  LOE would also like to say that we don’t support robbing banks with monkeys as your get a way driver.  (Although that would be funny.)

- We here at LOE would also like to say we don’t support NFL Hall Of Famers beating their wives.

- The only thing LOE does support is Dr. Doofenshmirtz vs. Perry The Platypus at WrestleMania 27

- And Kevin Smith.

- And Barry Sanders for the best Running Back of all time

Thank you for your time…now on with the column,



From the ranting mind of The Chad

What would be  more than perfect then a wrestling community who doesn’t just hate on every thing TNA does?   Well…..besides Dr. Doofenshmirtz vs. Perry The Platypus at WrestleMania 27 (THE REAL MAIN EVENT!) pretty much  nothing.

There has come a time when I’ve realized that there are about a good 30% of all fans, who regardless of what were to happen in TNA, would constantly just HATE on the product.   Now 2% of said populous who hates on TNA , does so for the sole reason of just not being able to be fans of it.   That’s understandable.  Our own Indiana SHARK is one of those people who just can’t seem to enjoy TNA.  He’s just to critical of what happens, but can understand to a degree why people would like it.  He just doesn’t like it.  He however is in no way associated with the other estimated 28% of the populous who hates TNA for just simply being.

These people are looking for anything to attach their leach mouths around to help “prove” their point about why TNA sucks.  The arguments?

1) TNA brings in “REJECTS” and don’t push their own talent

2) No one buys the ppv’s OR watches Impact.

3) Vince Russo, Jeff Jarrett, Dixie Carter, Hulk Hogan.

That’’s it.  Those are the THREE main reasons why people hate on TNA.   And they are all for nothing!

This column is about nothing more then making all the haters (but not Franklin Delano SHARKevelt) eat their pathetic, idiotic marksists words!

1)  Hate hearing this god damn term more then anything else in the history of everything.  Reject.  Maybe I’ve been dumped one to many times, who knows, but every time I hear it, I wanna take a swing at a religious deity.  It pisses me off THAT much.  Almost as much as someone telling me Jim Brown is a great football player.  He may have been a great running back, but he still beat his wife.   At least there’s one person who’s gonna put Barry Sanders number one all time.

Why is this an example of TNA-suckitude?  Well these “fans” claim that guys like AJ, Daniels, Joe, Red, MCMG’s, Homicide and other “home grown” stars should be the focal point of TNA and not the “wash outs” like Matt Morgan, “has beens” like Kevin Nash, or “out of shape slobs” like Team 3D.

In reality, those previously mentioned names are at the top of the list in terms of TNA’s most valuable talent.  Hence why they are still on the roster for all these years.   But don’t tell the interent wrestling fans that Daniels and Styles were in WCW along with other “rejects” like Sting, Nash, Jarrett and Steiner cus their little tiny mark brains might pop like that giant, red, throbbing pimple on their bacteria laden face.  Length of tenure doesn’t seem to matter to these men when considering Matt Morgan has been in TNA longer then he was ever on WWE’s main roster.  Same goes for Tomko (when you factor his runs in Japan against the WWE).   So if that’s an irrelevant fact to them, then Styles and Daniels 6 month stay in WCW should be counted against them just as much.   And for those of you wondering, Tomko was only on the main roster for less then 2 years.

Yes we have a roster full of men like Nash, Sting, Foley, Richards, Raven, Steiner, Team 3D, Jarrett and Angle.  But because of those men (weather you want to believe it or not) they have done more good then harm when you look at men like Hernandez, Matt Morgan, AJ Styles, British Invasion, Beer Money and Samoa Joe (among others).  TNA does not have the luxury of being able to sign the top talent that the WWE doesn’t want anymore, because the WWE doesn’t have to have the same roster restrictions it did in the late 90’s, early 2000’s.  Sure TNA has landed, Sting, Mick Foley and Scott Steiner as active wrestlers, but they were retired or just coming back on the indy scene when they were scooped up.  Really when you are forced to think about it, how many guys did WWE fire because they suck?  I might, MIGHT, be able to find one that TNA signed.   But for the most part every “has been” TNA signed, WWE wanted almost as much. (Nash, Rhino, Sting, Foley, Team 3D all turned down WWE offers either right before signing or in between contracts with TNA).   Tomko and Morgan were victims of WWE not being able to properly book them, or running out of ideas for them.  Booker T (now on his way back) and Angle were the only two guys who up and up quit in the WWE.   Like I said, can’t find to many guys the WWE wouldn’t want  back.

2)  Such a life affirming fact to most people.  Kurt Angle and Sting didn’t help the ratings!  That’s the swan song most sing when people mention former stars of yesteryear coming into the fold.  My witty retort?  While the Neilson Ratings didn’t go up, you BET YOUR ASS MORE PEOPLE TUNED IN!  And what do I mean by that?   It has been over three full years since Justin.TV has opened it’s door to the streaming public.  Before that Ustream, Operator 11 and others did the same job as Justin.TV.   Does anyone really think that the internet has not hurt TNA majorly?  Raise your hands.   Now put them down.   Now raise them….and down….good monkeys.   Back to the point,  YES stream sites have hurt TNA bad.  Stream sites have been around a long long time.  They weren’t as good back then in 2002 when TNA first hit the scene, but I can attest to watching every weekly episode FOR FREE back then, thanks in part to streams.  Was the number watching the illegal streams as high back then as it is now?  No.  Not at all actually.   But now a days? Epic.

TNA recently started to crack down on ppv streaming at Turning Point this past year, but for Bound For Glory would anyone like to know the number of people watching on Justin.TV and Ustream?  50,000 total.   I should know, I added up each room mid way through the show.  I’m not even counting other foreign based stream sites, private blogs or wrestling sites that *cough cough* stream their own shit.   It’s not hard to believe that some 50-80 thousand people watched Bound For Glory 5, either live, right after it went off the air, or through out the next week.  Think that wouldn’t help the pay per view buys?  Is TNA at fault for not cracking down sooner?  Sure, but what they aren’t at fault for is providing a wrestling product that no one wants to see, because people obviously want to watch.

And don’t bother wasting your breath with the “if it was that good of a card, they’d have ordered it on pay per view” because I am as die hard as it gets, but if i can watch it for free I will.   The economy is going to hurt the numbers for sure, but that again does not mean that people don’t want to see it.
And what gets me is the complete and total disregard to the number of people watching Impact.  The Nielsen ratings are FAR from accurate.  If you don’t know how it works, here’s the skinny (taken verbatim from

“Nielsen gets its numbers from two sources. The first is a little box installed in 5,000 homes across the U.S. Those boxes, when used properly, record what shows are being watched on all televisions in a home and what age range, or ‘demographic’ the person watching falls into. The second source is thousands more people scattered throughout the U.S. who are asked to fill out a diary of what they watch on television…..”  “….In the case of numbers reported from a day or two before, these numbers are extrapolated exclusively from the 5,000 homes with the ‘audimeter’…”   “…Nielsen is making an assumption using a sampling statistic based on 5,000 homes what the approximately 113 million U.S. television-viewing homes are watching.”

So we are literally getting these ratings from the 5,000 people (who are predominantly  married, white families with younger children, or older couples 50+ and up).  Shows like Jericho,  Sarah Connor Chronicles and others have been canceled due to the shows having more fans per episode then the Nielsen ratings picked up.  Impact is falling into the same group.   Each TV in the survey (if you will) is not counted.   There are numerous 2, 3 or 4 tv sets in many house holds today, and not every single TV program that is watched in those houses necessarily get counted.   NOT to mention the upward a 20,000 people who watch Impact on just and Ustream through out the week.

Only the IWC would count the numbers a show puts up based on a the Nielsen ratings.  Which by the way, when you think about the 50,000 TV’s a week they monitor it seems like a lot. But then you think about that there’s an estimated 119 million sets with some form of cable/satellite etc, it really seems like a stupid fucking idea to use that stat that represents less then a .00042 of the general populous. Now doesn’t it?

But here’s the fun part

3)  Dixie Carter, Vince Russo and Jeff Jarret have been getting the most shit for TNA’s “lack of improvement”.   I use quotations because the arguments so far are irrelevant against it.  Dixie recently has gone under fire for Jarrett, Hogan, Russo, etc etc etc.  She’s to easy of a target.  My first inclination of the “Dixie Hate” as it’s being called by me, is the whole public announcement to the roster of TNA.  People DOWN her for doing this.  They say that she was preaching to them as a parent (well from recent reports there are a few TNA stars acting like kids), putting herself over, and basically saying a big FUCK YOU to the roster for not supporting her.

a) Any time you have guys “threatening to quit” when they don’t get their way, they are acting like kids.  I’m not sure who’s actually been saying their going to quit becaus the reports aren’t always right, but come on.  That’s as childish as you get.

b) It’s funny that people slam on Dixie for “putting herself” over and making TNA seem like a corporation.  TNA is a big time company now (sorry indy-feens, get use to it) and these sort of public addresses are not uncommon in the world of wrestling.  Now people will say that TNA did it in a serious and demeaning way, but the WWE, regardless of their reasons, always do public addresses.   Vince McMahon is praised for going on air if a recent star passes, or for a tradegy befalling apon the world (9/11 for instance), but is this not just another way to exploit the image of the WWE and it’s chairman?  People tend to forget that TNA lost Curt Henning and Chris Candido under contract with them.  How did they remember them? A ten bell salute, with boots and wrestling gear on a single black chair, and dedicating the show (and usually proceeds) to the family of the stars.  No large assembly of talent.   But the WWE has to march out their entire roster, holding their hands over their hearts, wearing (WWE issued) armbands (now available at the nearest concession stand) and do a ten bell salute with the chair man at the front of the pack.

But Dixie gets shit for telling her employees to get behind her or get out?   What the fuck ever.  Vince McMahon has gotten away with worse shit for years, but because Dixie is new and a WOMEN she is getting all this thrown back at her.   Doesn’t seem fair.  But who am I to judge, I only look at EVERY possible side to an argument.

Vince Russo is an easy scape goat for past booking mishaps (that were mostly Dutch Mantell’s fault by the way) because fans want to hate him so much for the WCW demise.  Russo is the most unlucky man in the history of wrestling I’m starting to think.  He goes from one company to another in the late 90’s and he’s expected to turn everything around over night.  But he has to deal with inapet network execs, older and less viable talent, and a 3 month window.  Granted he did do some things (Goldberg’s heel turn, his on air character, to many title changes) that were questionable, but that doesn’t mean the entire shows were a wash.   He did get stars like Lance Storm, Hugh Morris, Rey Mysterio, Shane Douglas, Booker T, DDP and others over more then ever before.   And he’s doing the same kind of work in TNA.

People bitch and moan and demand him out of TNA, because “TNA was never like this before!”, “I miss the old TNA!”,  “TNA sucks now!”.   Really?  You stupid little monkeys go follow the leader and take up the same POINTLESS argument as everyone else.  Of coarse TNA was like this before, he booked for them for almost a good 2 full years when the company opened!

People are complaining (still) that TNA is gonna push out the “young” stars in favor of older guys.   But TNA (under Russo) used to be able to push new guys every week, while still using the established guys as well.  Russo knows better then anyone how to blend up coming, current and older stars all into one roster.   That is his M.O.   Sure some plots and angles could be a little different, but that can be said about everything.

But the two commonly thrown under the bus are (former) most hated man Jeff Jarrett and (current)  Hulk Hogan.  Jeff Jarrett was the top heel for almost a full 4 calender years in TNA.  They succeed, lasted and out did every other Indy promotion that was started in the last 10 years, with Jarrett as it’s main attraction.  Name one other company that started from the ground up, with no official ties to any other company that did anything close to what TNA has done.   I dare you.   You can’t.  All with Jarrett as the main decision maker and as the main guy on the card.   Sucks to realize that as a gods honest truth doesn’t?

But now Hogan (while it’s still 60/40 positive), is getting a brunt of the criticism.  While most people are on board with it, it’s the negative reactions that get the most play.  Hogan gets that.  He understands how this business works better then any 5 men put together who’s last names aren’t “McMahon, Jarrett and Bischoff.”  Hogan is not coming in to be a wrestler, although he probably will wrestle on a few more occasions.  So we don’t have to worry about seeing him headline show after show after show as champion.   He’s even admitted to not wanting to do that anymore.   Does he know exactly what to say though to get people talking about TNA?  You better believe he does.  He did say he was bringing in RVD, Stone Cold and The Nasty Boys.  Was any of that true?  Well, maybe not the second one, but the other two were.

Hogan knows this in ways you’d never comprehend.  If TNA could get Austin vs. Hogan at BFG 6!?  Talk about a huge draw.   And see, Hogan knows that even if he’s not wrestling Austin yet, or if Austin has no interest yet in signing period, that him just talking about reaching out and bringing him in will get people talking.  Am I saying that Hogan’s claims are all to be dismissed?   No not at all.  But if you look at what’s been said to what’s been proven already (him claiming to do the deal directly with Dixies father, which has already been proven false) and what may even be used as story line ideas ; one has got to believe that he (being Hogan) has us all played for fools….again.  (nWo?)

It’s so very easy to defend TNA, but for those of you who still want to bash, I urge you to figure out why you are bashing something that (regardless of the statement) is the alternative to the WWE.   Maybe because it is so much different then the WWE standard, maybe that’s why you hate it.   Show Business’ Hardest Working Man, James Shark once said “TNA doesn’t put their champion at the beginning of the show, to me that makes it look like TNA doesn’t care about their PPV match with him at the next PPV. (I’m paraphrasing).   I responded with this basic idea:  Your used to the WWE way of booking things.  The champion comes out first, then the challenger ,then the head guy of the show.   Well in TNA, they don’t follow the norm of WWE.  It’s commonly regarded that the champion is the biggest draw in the company (or one of).  So if he’s the biggest draw, and you know he’s coming on first and last every show, why watch the in between segments?  TNA knows people tune in for AJ, Kurt, Sting etc.   So you might have to wait for an hour and 15 minutes to see those guys.  Why?  Because TNA knows who you came to see, and to make sure you stick around for the whole show,they will throw them whenever they deem as the right time.

People accuse TNA of being to much like the WWE.  But then people bitch at TNA for trying to be different.

To all you fans who just hate on TNA for no real good reason:  Here’s a pill, swallow it.  It’s a white Good N Plenty promise.  No….I swear it’s not rat poison.


From the desk of LOE.

Every Tuesday Chad and his long time co host Ed tackle the biggest issues in wrestling today.  We have the funnest wrestling radio show you'll ever hear.  I ask anyone who's interested to give it a check at this link -
Also this week we have J.J. Dillon on the show.  He'll be on May 4th at 9:15.  If you miss him live the replay will be up all week!

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