Someone Get a Taser Gun: Philadelphia Phillies Fans Are Raising Hell

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Someone Get a Taser Gun: Philadelphia Phillies Fans Are Raising Hell
Drew Hallowell/Getty Images

If it wasn't for that supersized net, I bet that kid would have eaten Chase Utley alive.

I know this because the national media has told me how ruthless those fans are.

I don't need any more proof after some kid hopped onto the field at Citizens Bank Park Monday night, ran around aimlessly for about 30 seconds, and then went down like a sack of potatoes after he was shot down by a Taser gun.

That’s not the real issue here. The real issue lies with the national media actually caring about this and trying desperately to give the city of Philadelphia a black eye.

They are actually taking this entire event seriously, and even worse, they are trying to examine the psyche of the city based on this horrific event (insert sarcasm at the end please).

To me, and anyone else who has a sense of humor, it was probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen at a ballgame.

It looked like everyone was running in slow motion. The security guards tracking down the wild teenage gazelle looked like they were no younger than 60. My guess is that their doctor routinely tosses around words like obese, phrases like, “stop eating everything that fits into your mouth,” and things of that nature.

Praise the Lord Almighty that a cop fired a couple rounds of Taser at the kid; otherwise this chase could have gone on for days. Do you fire rounds of Taser?

Actually, who cares? If you are one of the few who actually care about any of this or view this as a sign that Philadelphia fans are heathens, you’re a bigger joke than the event itself.

If you don’t think this is funny, then please watch this and tell me it’s not.

The chase was so hilarious that Ryan Howard buried his face into his oversized first baseman’s glove to hide the laughter.

If you want to get worked up about the behavior of fans, then talk about riots that occur after teams win championships. Check out what happened in Los Angeles after the Lakers won their 16th championship. At least act like you’ve been there before, L.A.

Go nuts about fans throwing things at coaches, kind of like what happened in West Virginia. I know these are college kids, but act like you’ve gotten drunk at a game before. I thought you kids knew how to hold your alcohol.

I know, I know. Things like that happen all the time, so it’s really not a big deal.

Fine. Then what is your defense about a Giants fan who was killed in the parking lot after a Dodgers game?

He wasn’t killed over a drug deal gone wrong or in a botched robbery. He was killed because he was arguing about his team with a Dodgers fan.

Continue to brush stories under the rug and act like they mean nothing, sort of like Cubs fans who sacrifice goats outside of Wrigley Field. It’s cool for Cubs fans to do this because they are lovable losers. The public outcry and lead stories plastered all over the Internet calling Cubs fans a disgrace? Not so much.

But to some, the incident in Philly on Monday night was disturbing because people are saying the father told his son to go for it. Yeah, really disturbing. Is it on par with the father-son duo who beat the living bejesus out of the Kansas City Royals’ first base coach, Tom Gamboa?

It’s okay. Continue to live an ignorant world where you have no idea about the true story behind the booing of Santa Claus or about the jail at old Veterans Stadium.

Continue to be on the same level as the lazy journalists who desperately try in vain to make Philadelphia the Fifth Circle of Hell.

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