Behind The Mic: Unfortunate Sports Commentary

Chris PotterCorrespondent IMay 4, 2010

Have you ever tried watching a football match, golf highlights, or an NBA encounter without the commentary? It is agitating, depressing, and soul-destroying, and no sports fan should ever have to endure the torrid sound of silence when watching their beloved team on the big screen.

That's right. It is the commentators who bring events to life and make inspirational performances and 'where were you?' moments truly memorable.

They may not always get it right, with often unfortunate but hilarious results, but, as an ode to all of the wonderful commentators who have graced so many sports over the years with their infectious character, enthusiasm and whit, here is a tribute in the form of some of the greatest comments ever made by the men behind the mic...

- KEN BROWN on Nick Faldo's sporadic use of his caddy, Fanny Sunneson:

'Some weeks Nick Faldo likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to play with himself'.

- PAT GLENN on weightlifter Gregorieva's preparations:

"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

- ANON. ringside boxing commentator on the dangers of stepping into the ring:

"Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

- ANON., METRO RADIO commentator on former West Ham hardman:

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

- ANON. running commentator on Paula Radcliffe checking out her situation:

"Paula has a quick look between her legs and likes what she sees."

- ANON. tennis pundit on a reason behind Andy Roddick's success:

"One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?!"

- DAVID LLOYD finds a new nickname for power-hitter Dimitri Mascarenhas:

''Mascarenhas...more like Danger-anus''

ALAN BRAZIL'S priceless evaluation of Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson:

"The man is United - cut him and he bleeds red."

Timeless comment by charismatic Indian cricket commentator NAVJOT SINGH SIDHU:

''Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar' '

Finally, an hilarious chant from Manchester City FOOTBALL FANS which caught my attention (to the tune of The Proclaimers' "500 miles"):

"Oh you can freeze 500 million, and you can freeze 500 more, Cos Thaksin's got another billion underneath his bedroom floor, SHIN-A-WATRA SHIN-A-WATRA!"