College FB Championship Chase: Week 12 Stock Report
WVU is No. 3 in the BCS poll.
Right back where the Mountaineers began the season.
Pretenders and weirdos have come and gone—South Florida, Kentucky, Florida—but now, again, all is right with the world.
Some other things we learned...
Oklahoma cannot win on the road.
They can't win on the road when they're supposed to (Colorado) and they can't win on the road when they need to (Texas Tech).
Bob Stoops' brother Mike set the table for the Sooners when his Arizona team knocked off No. 2 Oregon on Thursday. But the Sooners were incapable of accepting the gift, much like a petulant kid on Christmas morning who breaks his new bike because he's an ungrateful punk.
WVU, however, graciously accepted the Stoops Bros.' largesse, climbing back into the BCS championship hunt.
With just one more loss by one of the top two teams—LSU loses to Arkansas next week or in the SEC title game, or Oklahoma wins the Big 12 title game?—WVU moves to No. 2 and earns a trip to New Orleans.
Woo-hoo! Miami scored 14 points!
Unfortunately, Virginia Tech scored 44.
Somewhere, The Rock is weeping. And spastic, laughs-too-much-for-no-reason Michael Irvin is still looking for a job.
Boston College's Matt Ryan had another Heisman Moment—but this time, nobody cared.
Tim Tebow remained on track to become the Andre Dawson of this season—winning the MVP award for an irrelevant team. (The Cubs would've finished last in 1987 even without Dawson.)
After beating 5-5 Nevada by two points, all the Hawaii "What about us?" apologists need to just STFU.
And Tennessee still sucks.
The Now-Abbreviated Big Board (as per the BCS poll rankings)
1. LSU: UNCHANGED
Rather than planning for Ole Miss, LSU coach Les Miles spent the week planning an invasion of Poland.
2. KANSAS: UP
I could make another "Mark Mangino is so fat..." joke, but what would be the point?
Plus, he might eat me.
3. WVU: UP SHARPLY
I've decided that, much like England's heroic retreat from Dunkirk only made the Allies' ultimate victory over Hitler more dramatic, QB Pat White's fourth-quarter fumbles only save WVU fans from being bored to tears while watching yet another blowout courtesy of an offense that's about as easy to contain as the Lower Mississippi River.
4. Missouri: UP
Coming this Saturday: the first meaningful Journalist Bowl—Mizzou vs. Kansas!
Who will win—KU, known as a copy-editor factory; or Mizzou, renowned for its top-flight magazine journalism sequence?
Regardless of the outcome, somewhere, a copy editor will complain.
5. Ohio State: UP
Being in the clubhouse has its pros and cons.
On the upside, Ohio State can't lose again. On the downside, they can't win again.
On the downside again: Dag, that's a silly-looking mascot.
6. Arizona State: UP
Much like the kings of mope-rock—the Counting Crows—the Sun Devils are hangin' around this poll.
Delisted from the Big Board
The Bulldogs' best-case destiny now: reaching the SEC Championship Game, where they perform in such a manner that coach Mark "Buford Pusser" Richt orders several end zone celebrations.
8. Virginia Tech
If the Hokies win the ACC, they're WVU's opponent in the Orange Bowl—assuming the Mountaineers don't get to the BCS title game.
A fitting bookend to the season for the Chokies—run over by the LSU Tigers to open the year, run past by the Mountaineers to finish it.
It took them a little longer than it usually does, but the Ducks went lame this year, just like always.
I suppose that's progress for the program.
Thankfully, every Tuesday is still mani/pedi day in Oregon's $200 million locker room.
Boomer Sooner/buncha chokers/got passed silly/by the Raiders.
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