How Would Sports Superstars Use This Huge Diamond?

Rodney SouthernCorrespondent IJuly 17, 2008

Everyone knows by now about the giant diamond that was recently found in a small mine in South Africa. Apparently, the diamond is being tested for authenticity as they think it could be a fluorite crystal. Either way, I thought it might be fun to consider the ways that this wonderful gem might be used in the sports world, both for good and evil.


Here are the top ten ways that the giant diamond found in South Africa could be used:


10. Victoria Beckham could give it to her husband, soccer star David, as a soccer ball. David absolutely loves to kick things around after all, and would love this shiny new toy to boot around with his iron foot. As a side note, when David tires of his new play toy, he could give it to Posh to hang in her closet. It would go nicely with the Baccarat Chandelier she has for lighting in there.


9. Dennis Rodman could use it for his latest earring. Far from straying from the limelight, and unafraid of the damage the diamond would do to his ear, Rodman would welcome the accessory, and later wear it for a belt buckle. Finally, he would have it broken down into 25,000 tiny diamonds to make his latest diamond encrusted bra.


8. Kobe Bryant could give it to his wife to cover his next 12 affairs. Knowing the value of a good diamond, Kobe would milk this one for all it is worth. He should get over on at least a dozen affairs, and more if they are consensual.


7. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon could use it as the centerpiece at the next Wrestlemania as special guest referee. Never mind that the diamond can't speak or move, or count to three. That is just a tiny problem when compared with ratings. The match would pit The Rock against DDP.

The Rock would use the diamond to knock out DDP just as he attempted his diamond cutter. People will pay good money to see the world's largest diamond. They pay to see The Great Khali don't they?


6. Barry Bonds could insert it into the barrel of his bat. Certainly no stranger to being under a microscope, Bonds and the giant diamond would go together like peas and carrots. Bonds could shatter all possibility of anyone ever getting his home run record. Even A-rod would have to give him his props then.


5. They could hang it around Michael Vick's neck along with a ham bone, and let the pit bulls give justice. Vick would normally outrun the dogs but with the weight of the giant diamond around his neck, he would be on an even playing field. Then, Vick would really learn his lesson and be rehabilitated.


4. Michael Jordan could use it as a door stopper. The man is sickeningly rich, so what else could he do with it? He has enough diamonds on his championship rings to make twelve of them, so give the man a break!


3. Fred Taylor could melt it down into a body suit to go under his football uniform. This is the only way the guy will make it through a whole season without getting hurt. Diamonds are quite hard you know.


2. They could make Shaquille O'Neal's next championship ring. For the first time in his career, he will actually have a single stone big enough for his huge finger.


1. They could give it to Terrell Owens as they finally found something just as big as his ego. Terrell would finally have someone (thing) to talk to that would be on the same level as him, and would not argue his assertion that he is the greatest.


There you have it, the top ten ways the giant diamond could be used in the sports world.