WWE Extreme Rules SPOILER: Batista-Cena...Is Going to Suck

Yep, I said it. Despite a highly entertaining WrestleMania matchup between these two, their rematch this Sunday has clunker written all over it. Why do I say this?

Is it because Batista has one foot out of the WWE door, which removes any suspense as to who’s going to win? No.

Is it because the big-event buzz that surrounds Mania, which really helped elevate their previous match, will be absent? Nope.

The answer is simple. "Last Man Standing" matches in the current WWE are the most logic-defying, plodding and utterly uninteresting gimmick matches in the industry.

Sure, there will be pockets of excitement, and the finish itself might be compelling, but between the opening and closing bells what you’ll mostly be treated to is a bunch of one guy standing there while the referee slowly counts to 10 after a clothesline, or body slam, or fist drop or...well, you get the idea.

Somehow in these "Last Man Standing" matches, which are hyped as being ultimate tests of endurance and toughness, transitional moves suddenly become enough to lay somebody out for several seconds.

Check out this classic Kane-Batista LMS Match —the ref is literally laying the 10-count on Kane LESS THAN A MINUTE from when the bell rings. Really?

Look, I fully understand the reasoning behind WWE banning chair shots to the head, blood, and risqué content. But without those elements in play, how “brutal” is the match really going to get?

Batista has some legitimately stiff-looking offense at times, but John Cena is practically the poster boy for low-impact wrestling. I mean, his two finishers are a shaky STF and what is essentially a fireman’s carry, not to mention the single worst looking fist drop in the history of the business—can’t someone lend him a tape of Ted DiBiase from the 80s or something? Wow.

So instead of getting a high-impact, weapon-filled romp, we’ll instead get a 25-minute snooze-fest with basic moves being oversold and Michael Cole excitedly yapping about how amazing it is either man can stand after such abuse.

It couldn’t be more obvious that WWE has sailed the ship on the violence needed to make these types of matches memorable, so why market them this way?

Years ago WCW sh*t the bed trying to emulate the original ECW with a disaster of a PPV called "Uncensored" that was so putrid that it’s still discussed in hushed tones of reverence whenever terrible pay-per-views are brought up.

Take a look at the currently announced six (yes, six) matches for Sunday’s PPV and tell me why this is worth anyone’s money? Especially when you know WWE can’t deliver on the type of brutality needed to live up to what the entire show is built around.