Sign up or login to track your favorite teams

Sign Up for Bleacher Report

As a registered user you can subscribe to your favorite teams, post comments, write your own articles, and much more.

You must register in order for that functionality to work!







Validating sign up form ...

Bleacher Report articles are written by fans like you

Do you want to cover your favorite sports, teams, and leagues?

Processing writing preferences ...

Great, , you're signed up!

i.e. Big 10, LeBron James, USC Football

Selected Tags:

Logging in ...

15) Erk Russell, Ga Southern—"We don't cheat, that costs money." 14) Woody Hayes, Ohio State—"Three things can happen when you pass the ball, and two of them are bad." 13) Frank Howard, Clemson—"Virginia? That's the white meat of our schedule...

College Football: 15 Great Coaching Quotes

by BabyTate [HUMOR]

76

8,924 reads

Humor

July 15, 2008


15) Erk Russell, Ga Southern—"We don't cheat, that costs money."

14) Woody Hayes, Ohio State—"Three things can happen when you pass the ball, and two of them are bad."

13) Frank Howard, Clemson—"Virginia? That's the white meat of our schedule."

12) Bowden Wyatt, Tennessee—"Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in bad humor."

11) Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State—"Football is not a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport."

10) John McKay, Sou Cal—"We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking."

9) Frank Howard, Clemson—"I retired for health reasons. The alumni got sick of me."

8) Hayden Fry, SMU—"I don't give a hoot about the Rice Owls."

7) Spike Dykes, Texas Tech—"They whipped us like a tied-up goat."

6) Knute Rockne, Notre Dame—"I've found prayers work best when you have large players."

5) Shug Jordan, Auburn—"Remember boys, Goliath was favored also."

4) Darrell Royal, Texas—"Trends are bunk. Angry people win football games."

3) Paul Dietzel, LSU—"You learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life."

2) Bob Devaney, Nebraska—"I don't want to win enough to be placed on NCAA probation, I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation."

1) Frank Howard, Clemson—"I had a lifetime contract, but the administration declared me dead."

Give Lou Holtz honorable mention for his comment while coaching at Arkansas: "Motivation is simple. Eliminate players who aren't motivated." 

Track this Article on My B/R
Flag This Article
Share This Article

76 comments Last one added 9 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Timothy Croley 11 months ago

    Funny stuff. Frank Howard seems to be popular on this list. He must have been great with the media.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Jimson Cuenta 11 months ago

      Wait a minute, I thought that BabyTate was so anti-Clemson, lolz :)

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      It was the upper classman Frank Howard that put a young Paul Bryant under his wing when they and Don Hutson were at Alabama. Howard always said Bear was a "a good boy".

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Timothy Croley 11 months ago

      It seems that some how, some way Bama always has a hand in the tradition and greatness of college football...even from an alum turned coach who blurts out some funny stuff for a list of great college football coaching quotes.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  2. rod wood 11 months ago

    Ahhh, BabyTate, an article that's going to get me through my day at work. Thinking back, I remember alot of John McKay's quotes, who was well known for one-liners, but here are a few off the top of my head:

    When asked about his team's execution after a particularly poor game, McKay replied "I'm in favor of it."

    Another McKay quote, albeit from when he was in the pro ranks and one of my favorites from when he was the head coach at Tampa Bay, the kicker on the team was struggling and he admitted that he was nervous whenever Coach McKay was around. McKay replied "Tell him I plan on being at every game."

    Some great, great one-liners.

    rod

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Justin Goar 11 months ago

      no one is better than Mckay.

      the "i'm in favor of it" quote is one of my all time faves.

      i also liked a press conf he did (possibly also after a pro game) where he was talking about why they lost.

      he went on and on and said something like:

      "when it came down to it we just didn't block. but we made up for it by not tackling."

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Execution quote is great. I appreciate the information. Thanks, Rod.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  3. kent gunter 11 months ago

    No 1. should be Pat Dye when asked by a reporter at his first press conference as head coach at Auburn.

    "How long will it take for you to beat Alabama"?

    His reply, "60 minutes".

    War Eagle!
    AubTig

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      That is one of the alltime best. Thanks for the comment.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Kent, since you brought up Pat Dye, here's a ditty about him. When he was an all-american lineman at Georgia in 1959, the Bulldogs won the SEC and went to the Orange Bowl. The only game they lost all year was to South Carolina. After the Carolina loss Georgia coach Wally Butts looked at Dye, who struggled and looked flatfooted that day against the Gamecocks, and said "son, you know the difference between you and a light pole?" Dye heaved an exhausted "no, sir". Butts replied " A light pole can at least move in the wind".

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Liger 11 months ago

      No one can argue that Dye's quote marked a new era in the AU-Bama series.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  4. Lanie Destefano 11 months ago

    It isn't necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it.
    Knute Rockne

    "Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football."
    John Heisman

    He was the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference.
    -Steve Owen, about Bronko Nagurski

    I'll put you through hell, but at the end of it all we'll be champions.
    Bear Bryant

    "I wouldn't ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was, you know, important —like a league game or something."
    Dick Butkus

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  5. Lanie Destefano 11 months ago

    I know Butkus isn't a college quote but that cracks me up everytime:-)

    When in doubt, punt!
    John Heisman (Good Life Advice)

    Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.
    Frank Leahy, Notre Dame

    "My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor." - Bowden Wyatt, Tennessee

    After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: "All those who need showers, take them." - John McKay, USC

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  6. Brendan Krooker 11 months ago

    Who was the Tennessee coach who said: "What's a Rutgers?"

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Let's hope it wasn't anyone from Tennessee since Rutgers played in the 1st college football game ever when it was invented in 1869, beating Princeton and Tennessee didn't even begin playing football until 22 years later when they lost to Sewanee.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  7. Justin Hokanson 11 months ago

    Pat Dye had a great quote in his press conference introducing him as Auburn's new head football coach. He was asked how long would it take to beat Alabama because Auburn had lost like 8 games in a row. Dye's response, "60 minutes." Truly classic quote.

    Good list though, those are good.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  8. Ryan Staab 11 months ago

    When asked why Woody went for a two point conversion instead of the usual field goal in a game against archrival Michigan in which the Buckeyes were already leading by 36 points, he told the press "Because I couldn't go for three."

    For what its worth, "Three things can happen when you pass the ball, and two of them are bad." is usually attributed to Robert Neyland.

    Otherwise, great quotes from some of the game's greatest coaches.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Joe G 11 months ago

      I love that Woody quote, it's one of my favorites.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Ryan, I'm sure the General's quote was more like " I heard about this thing called the pass" because that is one cat that made Woody look like June Jones.
      Appreciate the comment.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Paul Wolford 11 months ago

      I've always been told that the full comment was "Three things can happen when you pass the ball, and two of them are bad. So why pass the ball?"

      Also, I happen to like "To hell with exciting. I'd rather be drab as hell and win."

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Lot of the '69 Wolverines spoke of that 2 point conversion in '68 as one of the inspirations for their 24-12 upset of #1 Ohio St 12 months later.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Ryan Staab 11 months ago

      I believe it. Woody's hatred of Michigan was something to behold.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  9. Paul Wolford 11 months ago

    I've always remembered being told that the full Woody quote is "Three things can happen when you pass the ball, and two of them are bad. So why pass the ball?"

    Also, I happen to like "To hell with exciting. I'd rather be drab as hell and win."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  10. Alan Bass 11 months ago

    great quotes, babytate! loved them!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  11. Joe 11 months ago

    Wasn't it Spurrier who said-You can't spell Citrus without UT" during his days at UF. Referring teh Vols. Classic

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Spurrier was living in high cotton when he made that quote about Tennessee. The great one is learning common man humility at Carolina.
      Just thinking about Tenn in the Citrus, they beat Ohio St there one time and the Buckeye fans I know still talk about that game. Something about Fulmer using illegal cleats.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  12. Tony Bishop 11 months ago

    Can there also be an honorable mention in quotes TO lou holtz?

    I believe there is an unnamed waitress that first told the joke to lou holtz: "What's the difference between Notre Dame and Cheerios?... Cheerios belong in a bowl."

    Ask Florida how that turned out. Probably the most famous "bulletin board" material ever.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  13. Tristan Holmes 11 months ago

    I don't know if he got this from somewhere else but Mike Belotti had a good one in 2004 after a game at Cal where a reciever dropped a perfect pass that would have converted on fourth down and kept the game in question:

    "Winning is a great relief and losing is only slightly better than dying."

    Not nearly as witty as the others on this list but it does get the point across.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  14. Lisa Horne 11 months ago

    great stuff....I liked #2 best...warrant an investigation...priceless!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Thank you Lisa. I like Devaney's quote also. You're a west coast person here's some Devaney trivia regarding the PAC8(10). Devaney's Nebraska won the natl title back to back in '70 & '71. After tying Sou Cal in the 2nd game of 1970 they won 23 in a row until UCLA upset them in '72. The Bruins were led in that upset by QB Mark Harmon, later a TV & film personality. Devaney must have been allergic to the west coast after those two games.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  15. SECSportsHub.com 11 months ago

    When I read the title, I thought for sure that Steve Spurrier would have made at least 3 of these 15.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Steve Spurrier has had some great ones. I think his best one at Carolina has been, "You ain't got grades, you ain't got nothin'".

      But the genius of Hayen Fry, "I don't give a hoot about the Rice Owls"..................

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  1. Travis Parker 11 months ago

    ahhhh - the 'immortal' Frank Howard - I grew up listening to him when he was on The Auburn Radio pre-game shows. H I L A R I O U S !!! And I was just a kid & probably missed at least half of his humor!!!
    Much like Bobby Bowdon(sp?) is today!

    Travis

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Your Bowden comparison is dead on. Most folks only know of the affable Baron of Barlow Bend, Alabama from his rock that players rub even to this day.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  2. Raj Kamruddin 11 months ago

    Good list. My personal Favorite:
    To Hell With Michigan!
    - Charlie Weiss

    Weiss, of course playing off Coach Bo's favorite statement "To Hell With Notre Dame!".

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  3. J. Michael Morris 11 months ago

    Funny stuff, mostly because they're true. You get my POTD.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Thank you J. Michael. I've wondered what your picture is since the first time I saw it. It is so familiar yet I can't say I've ever seen it before.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  4. Mark Spencer 11 months ago

    One of the funniest quotes that I remember was several years ago, a building beside Jordan Hare Stadium caught fire and burned during a home game. The next week Auburn was hosting Florida. During a pregame interview, Spurrier commented that it was a shame that the library burned down and Auburn had lost so many books in the fire. He continued that half the books weren't even colored in yet. I am an Auburn grad, but that was a classic quote.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  5. HG Cardinal 11 months ago

    Classics:

    Luck follows speed.
    Darrel Royal, Texas

    He can beat your'n with his'n and his'n with your'n.
    Bum Phillips, talking about Don Shula

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  6. Jordan Furbee 11 months ago

    "Because I couldn't go for three!"
    -Hayes

    "We've always had the best damn band in the land....now we got the best damn team in the land!"
    -Tressel

    "Three things, 1. The team that hits the hardest and the longest, the team that starts the fastest and the team that's too damned smart to make mistakes"
    -Hayes

    "You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward"
    -Hayes

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      How about the rumor that Woody refused to buy gasoline in the state of Michigan when he was traveling because he didn't want to "give that state up north 1 cent in fuel tax to recruit with" against him.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  7. Stephen Black 11 months ago

    I could've sworn it was Darrel Royal that said #14. http://www.answers.com/topic/darrell-royal

    The Erk Russell quote was "We don't cheat at Georgia Southern, that costs money and we don't have any."

    Good idea! Coaching quotes are always entertaining.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  8. Michael Inglis 11 months ago

    I like 3 and 5 because they are serious ones.

    I though 10 was the funniest.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      #3 is one I think about myself. I also think Royal was on to something with #4, that's the essence of the upset.

      Thanks for the comment.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  9. Derrick Snodgrass 11 months ago

    I'm still laughing. Thanks!

    South Carolina's Lou Holtz at a mid-week press conference before the '03 game against eventual national champion LSU. Went something close to this:

    "They're
    #1 in Run Defense
    #2 in Pass Defense
    #1 in Total Defense
    #1 in Scoring Defense
    #3 in Kick Coverage . . . "We're gonna hit'em where they're weakest."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      We could do an entire article on Lou Holtz. How about when he took the job at Arkansas in '77 and they asked him if that was the end of the world? He replied "no, but you can see it from there".

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  10. Burton DeWitt 11 months ago

    There is a general consensus that Woody Hayes was not the first person to say that quote. That honor is now bestowed on General Neyland of Tennessee.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Like I said above, if the General said it first it was more likely "I've heard of this thing called a pass..."
      The general was one person who made Woody look like June Jones.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  11. Burton DeWitt 11 months ago

    Also, some of my favorite Darrell Royal quotes:

    "Luck is when preparation meets opportunity."
    "We're gonna dance with who brung us." - about what player he would use in the Cotton Bowl.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • BabyTate 11 months ago

      Coach Royal probably should have changed his Cotton Bowl philosophy, he lost half of the 10 Cotton Bowls he was in.

      If you're doing some investigative work on Royal's Longhorns you should check out "Meat On The Hoof" by Gary Shaw a former Longhorn player. The late authur details various negative aspects in the Austin program that caused Bud Wilkinson's old player some problems with the alumni base near the end of his career.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Burton DeWitt 11 months ago

      Yup, the book will come up in my article.

      He said "We're gonna dance with who brung us" after the big shootout in 1969. And they went on to win, scoring that winning touchdown with Billy Dale, who hadn't scored all season. So I guess he didn't dance with who brung him after all.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  12. Jonathan Slotter 11 months ago

    How Mike Leach isnt on here I am not sure.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  13. BabyTate 11 months ago

    I thought I'd wait until Leach wins the National Championship this year and then do an entire article on this great genius. Like Dizzy Dean said in the gashouse gang days, "It ain't braggin' if you can do it".

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  14. Don Juan -- domerdomain.com 11 months ago

    This list should be peppered with Lou Holtzisms.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  15. rod wood 11 months ago

    "Kickers are like horse manure. They're all over the place." - John McKay

    rodwood

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  1. Bob Speck 11 months ago

    Tommy Bowden's press conference when hired at Clemson was asked how he felt about having to play Florida State every year. His response was (approx)..."That's no problem, I've got an inside source...I know a woman who sleeps with the head coach."

    Bob

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  2. Brian 11 months ago

    Anything ever worn by the University of Oregon could be #1, along with these by Syracuse: http://www.armchairgm.com/Image:Syracuse.jpg.

    Honorable mention: Oregon State - http://images.dawgsports.com/images/admin/2007_new_Oregon_State_uniforms.jpg

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  3. Brian 11 months ago

    Sorry that was on the wrong post. It was intended for the ugliest football uniforms.

    While I'm at it though, here's a quote I like from Lou Holtz:
    "Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  4. ross stansbery 11 months ago

    i think #9 And #15 were the funniest things ive read for awhile Thanks

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  5. Rebecca Johnston 9 months ago

    I have heard a quote from the Seveties that I would love confirmed. It was to have been said by a coach for an Alabama team after winning 4 to 0; "We knew the game was in the bag after the first safty, but took the second one to pad our lead."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

Leave a Comment

  • You must register to post a comment.

    • Asylum

    Want to write for Bleacher Report

    We are a community of fans who write about sports. And we're growing.

    Learn More and Sign Up »

    Certain photos copyright © 2009 by Getty Images.
    Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited.