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Those of you who watched the All-Star Game may have noticed that a significant portion of Fox’s telecast was devoted to showing important and memorable moments in the history of Yankee Stadium, even as the game went deep into extra innings.

But Fox was actually even more prepared than they let on—they had many more nuggets of information about the historic stadium that they never got a chance to broadcast. Chatterbalks has obtained exclusive access to the notes prepared for Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, and we are proud to present them to you.

July 18, 1999—David Cone’s Perfect Game

A year after David Wells threw his perfect game, David Cone also achieves the feat. Truly a great day in baseball history. But no one cared, because David Cone wasn’t a fat piece of shit.

May 18, 1998—David Wells Eats a Moderately Sized Lunch

In recognition of his incredible achievement, David Wells ate a lunch consisting of nothing more than a ham sandwich, a bag of chips, and a Coke. Some reporters even claim that he left three entire roast beef sandwiches just sitting on the team buffet table.

Later, he ate a lamb for a midafternoon snack.

September 14, 1981—The Battle of the Bulge

This name generally refers to the last major German offensive in World War II, but in this context, it merely concerns a competition between Reggie Jackson and Dave Winfield regarding their pants.

Winfield won.

October 1, 1932—Babe Ruth’s Called Shot

Sure, some students of the game might claim that this happened at Wrigley Field, but they’re all a bunch of commies. It’s a scientific fact that every great moment in the career of everyone who was ever a Yankee happened at Yankee Stadium.

December 16, 620—Mohammed Ascends to Heaven on a Winged Horse

For those of you who’ve read the Koran—and if you have, get yourself to jail, you terrorist—this is stated pretty clearly. Mohammed met all the old prophets, like Abraham and Jesus, chatted them up for a while, and then took off from Monument Park.

June 4 to June 7, 1942—Battle of Midway

It’s a little known fact that the turning point in the Pacific Theater in World War II took place in the right field of Yankee Stadium. Joe DiMaggio personally came over from center field to sink the Japanese aircraft carrier Sōryū.

For this important contribution to the war effort, he was given what appeared to be a gift certificate to Arby’s. On closer inspection, the reverse side said, "Psyche! You’re drafted!"

January 15, 1184 BC—Moses Brings the Ten Commandments Down from the Upper Deck

Not everyone knows that "Mount Sinai" is actually Hebrew for "Yankee Stadium."

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