With all the recent bickering on this site about the Raiders and all the haters, I thought it time to share my story about my love for the team and the fans of the Silver and Black.
In the late 90's I was a 30-something guy raising my three kids in the foothills of the Gold Country in Northern California. One day I found the Raiders Usenet newsgroup, alt.sports.football.pro.oak-raiders (ASFPOR).
Thinking this would simply be a forum for discussing the Raiders, I subscribed and began reading. Boy was I ever wrong. What I found was an eclectic group filled with sharp minds from all over the country and even on other continents. The Raiders weren't the only topic of discussion by a long shot.
WWW is generally understood to stand for World Wide Web, but in this forum it stood for Wild Wild West. The belly laughs were abundant; the caustic wit dripped from every post, and the absolute love of everything Raiders was the glue that bound them together.
I jumped in and began throwing in my two cents and was welcomed into the family with open arms. Over the next couple of years, "family" became a very real word I'd use to describe these folks. Although it was a cyber family, we leaked enough of our personal lives in our posts to get to know each other pretty well.
The haters, or trolls, were in abundance in the group, most usually posting some drivel about how all Raiders fans were costumed Halloween wannabe's, or former and future residents of the California penal system.
It was these poor witless victims of their own lack of originality that provided the daily entertainment. The mental assassination of these clowns brought tears to my eyes at times, leaving me laughing so hard that literally falling out of my chair was a regular occurrence.
Then one day in 1999 I broached the subject of us all getting together for a game at some point. Some of the group were locals who regularly attended games, and many of the others had never been to the Mecca of all things Raider, the House of Thrills in Oakland known as the Coliseum.
As we discussed the possibilities, a name for our little gathering was born. A simple typing error about the impending Tailgate party (I left off the T in Tailgate) and the moniker was born, we would call it Alegate. And so it came to pass, one Sunday night in 1999 that we gathered in Oakland for the first of many Alegates.
We had folks fly in from all over—Manhattan, Hawaii, Philly, LA, etc. The stories they told in the aftermath were priceless, and it was like meeting long lost brothers. The tailgating was hosted by a couple of locals, and to a man (and a few women) it was like coming home.
If you have never experienced tailgating in Oakland, there is no way words can properly describe the mass of humanity. A shanty town of pop-up tents, music blaring from every direction, the smoke of BBQ's creating an absolute environmental nightmare for the EPA, all done in the name of Raider love.
Over the next couple of years we continued these get togethers, including a road trip meeting in San Diego where we spent a couple of days in the Gaslamp Quarter partying amongst the sedate locals.
Most of us came without game tickets, and much to our amusement found Chargers fans willing to drive down to the Gaslamp to sell us their season tickets.
That was something so completely foreign to a Raiders fan. Giving up your seat to an arch rival so he could go into YOUR HOUSE, and root against YOUR TEAM seemed unthinkable. But they did it, willingly and in droves. Never would that occur in Oakland, regardless of the tough times our team was experiencing.
My own kids were very familiar with Raider games. We made the trek down to Oakland several times a year and feasted before the game, shouted until hoarse during, and made the long drive home from Mecca satiated by our experience.
In October of 2002, the unthinkable happened. The wonderful girl pictured above with her older brother in the background, my 16-year old daughter Kristiana, was tragically killed in an afternoon car crash.
On that Indian summer evening in our hometown, our lives came sudden screeching halt and veered off in a direction that I would never wish upon any person, loved or hated.
The level of shock that night had us on autopilot as we notified family and friends, and gave solace to those who showed up on our doorstep with tears in their eyes and no words to express to each other the horror that we all felt.
There was one group we hadn't notified, and that was our Raider family. As my wife and I sat down to compose the most dreadful post of our lives that evening, it seemed so natural to include them.
Many of them knew my kids personally; we'd visited each others homes, attended high school football games together, and had spent many a day gathered around the BBQ in Oakland as we prepared to root for our beloved Raiders.
So we wrote of our horror and hit send. The outpouring of condolences was unbelievable. Word spread to other teams' newsgroups in our loose online community and many a parent, regardless of their team affiliation, wrote that they made it a special point to kiss and hug their children that night and appreciate the gift that they had.
Sadly, there were others who were not so kind. The disillusioned wretches of society who thought it fun to make sport of a tragedy crawled out from under their rocks, and we included them in our prayers.
Our daughter was a beautiful spirit and an old soul, and she would have felt sorry for anyone who harbored such hatred in their souls. She would have felt it her personal mission to bring some beauty into their dark lives, and to honor her, we forgave.
Amongst the hundreds of mourners at her funeral were the faces of my Raider brothers and sisters, shedding tears at the loss we all experienced, and laughs as we remembered our girl's outstanding sense of humor and ability to bring a smile to any who were fortunate enough to cross her path.
In February of 2003 we received a hand delivered letter from our Raider friends. It had crisscrossed the country for months, going to the homes of our friends as they added their own special words.
This message of love and support had traveled some 43,000 miles throughout the US and Canada before finding its way to our doorstep. It is a special treasure that we still cherish today, nearly six years later.
I wrote this story to share something special. While we may be just fans of a sports team on the surface, often it goes much deeper than that. Unfortunately, some may only possess the ability to view others in a shallow and preconceived way that fits into their tiny worlds.
For those of us who have learned tolerance and wisdom through tragedy, our loss opened a door to a magnificent world of compassion and friendship. I absolutely cherish these friends, not just the Raiders fans, but those of other teams who shared their humanity.
While there are those who simply view the Oakland Raiders as a down-on-their-luck football team to be made sport of, I view them as a portal to the greatest gift of all, the love of friends and family.
As we gather again on December 14, 2008, for yet another Alegate, we will raise our glasses and toast those who are no longer with us, wish Godspeed to those whose lives have become a struggle, and count the many blessings that have bestowed themselves upon us over the years.
We will revel in the camaraderie of friendship and finally toast the Oakland Raiders, whose greatness is not only in their past, but also in their future.
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2 months ago
Neat article, Jeff....Kristiana and her brother were blessed with a great father, and a loving family.
If all works well, I'll probably be going to that game....first ever, from South Dakota....Raider on, brother.
2 months ago
Jeff,
Thanks for sharing that with everyone. Loosing one of your children must be the worst thing in the world to happen to someone. I just can't imagine. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Go Raiders!
2 months ago
I'm sorry for your loss Jeff.
Truly heart wrenching.
Truly sad that posters, regardless of age or maturity, or lack thereof, would post anything except condolences, and I applaud your handling of it the way you did. Sports isn't real life. It's entertainment. It's a release. It's something we enjoy when we decide to check out of day to day activities. For someone to act as you indicated is truly sad.
Some years ago, on the now defunct St. Louis Rams board, a poster there named AlphaRam (who I've run into on occasion on ClanRam board) suffered the same horrible loss that you did. Daughter just about the same age, and same circumstances.
I wrote him something then, as my daughter was around 10 at the time (16 now) and it broke my heart seeing what he was going through, and I'm going to repost it here, hoping it's not inappropriate.
If it is, please say so, and I'll have the mods remove it immediately.
I Won't Tell You
I won’t tell you I know how you feel,
Only someone who lost a child would know,
I won’t tell you your broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
I won’t tell you Kristiana is in a better place,
Though it is true, I know you want her there with you,
I won’t tell you someday you’ll hear her voice, see her face,
Beyond today I know you cannot see,
I won’t tell you it is time to move on,
Because you cannot,
I won’t tell you to face the fact she is gone,
Because denial is something you can't stop,
I won’t tell you to be thankful for the time you had,
Because I know you wanted more,
I won’t tell you when you are your old self I will be glad,
You’ll never be as you were before,
What I can tell you is we’ll be there for you,
And we will listen as you talk of your precious Kristiana,
You can share with us your wonderful memories,
You can even cry with us for a while,
And I hope you encourage everyone to say her name
Because it is something you’ll long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I know you’ll never be the same,
But we’ll stand by you, and will like the new person
you become someday.
Meet her in the Stars..Everyday.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.
from 2 months ago
A very nice response Mike.
2 months ago
I'm English and have followed the Raiders since roughly 1984 when they first started showing the NFL regularly in the UK.
I have now finally got the chance to see them play at home in a regular season game and will be there for the season opener against Denver (Monday night under lights against the Donkeys ... could it be any better ?? ). If I said I was excited it would be an understatement.
The haters and the knockers, the press negativity and the fact that Uncle Al does it his way just all serves to make me love the team even more.
The Raiders are unique compared to other teams and I hope they long stay that way.
.500 and tough and competitive in every game will be good for me this year!!
A new season, a new optimism .. Go Raiders ... We love ya !!
2 months ago
Raider Card--stay in touch bro, if you make the trip to Mecca I'm am sure you'll be welcomed into the Alegate family with open arms. We have a couple of guys from your area that attend the Alegates and I'd be happy to put you in contact with them.
Mike49er--Thanks for your poem and condolences. It wasn't hard to come to the understanding that my daughter was in a better place. She found a deep love for her God on her own, and was maybe the only person I knew who was ready to go. It's the toughest thing to give up your hopes and dreams for your kids, but with the love and support of friends and family we grew from the experience rather than let it take us to the depths of despair. I dig sharing her in positive lessons, such as this post, and to continue to spread her love in her absence.
2 months ago
Hello Jeff:
Im so sorry for your lost.
Im a 30 year old guy, and a father since 1 month from now, and I cant Imagine your pain.
Im a raider fan since i have 5 years, and Im a mexican who lives in Puerto Vallarta. (sorry about my bad english).
From now you have anothe raider friend here in Puerto Vallarta México
El Negro y Plata
2 months ago
Jeff,
Im so very sorry for your loss, i have a daughter of my own .. and the thought of something terrible happening to her frightens me. She is 10 and an avid Raiders fan as well.. It is my hope that she and i will be able to go to that Raiders Pats game on December 14th, and if so it would be an honor to meet you and other Raiders fans at the Alegate..
I travel from So Cali to NE once a year or so to visit my family back there.. i dont like to fly so i drive. my car has Raiders stickers, Flags Dash Mat ETC, when im driving down the street there is no denying i am a Raiders fan.. from AZ NM OK and so on.. ill get People waving and honking and shouts "GO RAIDERS and RAAAAIIIIDDDDEEERRRSSSS as i drive down the highway. (not to mention the few &^%%& THE RAIDERS! ! ! ) HEHE
The Raider Nation is just that.. A Nation.. no matter where you go in the country. no matter what route you take.. you run into Raider fans.. and your right.. its like meeting long lost Brothers and Sisters.. its a hand shake a smile and a pat on the shoulder and instant tales of games past and our experiances..
Thank you for sharing ...
Tomy
2 months ago
Jeff I am also very sorry for your loss, you wrote an amazing story and I know your daughter is up in heaven right now getting ready to watch the legends of the game with her there in heaven play a little football against the angels. Raider Nation for life much respect.
2 months ago
Jeff,
I look at your daughters picture and you can see the beauty that radiates from her soul and the joy of life that is apparent in her beautiful face. I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you. It has been 4 years since my youngest brother was killed and not a day goes by much less a minute or an hour that I don't think about him. I huge hole is in the pit of my soul and the sun shines a little less brighter now. I especially miss him during the football season because he was a 49er fan and we loved to argue/joke/jab each other. He especially loved my Raider stadium jacket that was covered in Raider pins of every description. He wanted me to find him a 49er stadium jacket. I will always regret not doing so. I am with you when you say that you would not wish this pain on anyone. My prayers will be for you and your family.
God Bless.
2 months ago
...."Most of us came without game tickets, and much to our amusement found Chargers fans willing to drive down to the Gaslamp to sell us their season tickets.That was something so completely foreign to a Raiders fan. Giving up your seat to an arch rival so he could go into YOUR HOUSE, and root against YOUR TEAM seemed unthinkable. But they did it, willingly and in droves. Never would that occur in Oakland, regardless of the tough times our team was experiencing."
Loved the article- I just wanted to repost that paragraph, I know we will hear from a Chargers fan soon enough. That Paragraph spells out our loyalty and their lack of loyalty, perfectly.
from 2 months ago
Kevin,
Oh yea its very true.. the Charger Org found it such a problem that they instituted the 3 tickets to other games in order to go to a Raiders Chargers game.. then sent out letter and a full page advertisement in the newspaper beggin Charger Season Ticket Holders not to sell their tickets to Raider fans...
Also.. up until a year or 2.. the City of San Diego used to buy any unsold tickets to ensure sellouts so the game wasnt blacked out locally.. but the Chargers rarely sold out their stadium.. same thing happened with the Seattle Seahawks before they got their new Stadium..
And like you said.. we should be hearing very soon from Charger fans..
2 months ago
Jeff , thank you for taking the time to share with us about your beautiful daughter, I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm sure she is still with you.
2 months ago
Hello Jeff
You are a very blessed man who's family is strong because of your ability to recognize what is important in life "Family" Your extended family is very proud of your courage and understanding of faith. I have "Five" Children and just from reading this you have opened my eye's to the importance of not just loving my family ,but that it's not to un-macho to tell them you love them and hug them as much as you can. Thank you Brother and I hope to meet you one day at the House that we call the "Coliseum" Go Raiders.
2 months ago
Jeff you are truly an honorable and a great raider. I have no kids but i did lose a sister so i know the the painful road you have traveled. Sorry for your loss is unthinkable. We have to enjoy the heck of lyfe and enjoy those around us at all times. Truly amazing article. Whenever i see a raider fan is family for sure. I love all my raider brothers and sisters. I have to make it out there for alegate!! Last year when the raiders came to miami to play the stinking dolphins in the rain, was something i cant put into words!! My first time seeing them live. Is too crazy for me to put in words the experience!! The stadium was filled with so many raiders, felt like a home game!! Saw alot of raider fans who flew from california and from other parts of the country. And this year the raiders come to miami again!! So my raider family, les have an alegate here?!?!
I will be partying with tha raider fans again...Jeff if you come down please let me know?? or anyone les party in miami!!! I wanna have a tailgate down here!! peace my brothers one love
GO RAIDERS FOREVER!!!
2 months ago
Jeff, your story was beautifully written. No Mother or Father should ever have to suffer the experience of laying their children to rest. As sad as that experience was for you and your family there always seems to be a something we can grasp hold of during these very sad times that insures us all that we are all from the same kindred spirit. As sad as I feel for your loss, I’m also uplifted reading the wonderful comments from all those that chose to post to your story. Bless you all.
2 months ago
Jeff, as everyone else is, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I am a father of three and could not even imagine the heartbreak of losing one of them. My sons and I are diehard RAIDER fans and it would be really hard to watch a single game without one of them. Just as the posters on here have shown, you will always have a loyal family nationwide by being part of the RAIDER NATION. I will think of you and your daughter everytime my sons and I watch a game now.
2 months ago
Jeff, my sincere condolances for your daughter. May she be in heaven now. Thanks for a great article.
2 months ago
Jeff, My Raider Brethren, my sincerest sympathies go out to you and your family. Raiders fans we will be allways and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family to keep you strong! Also, any other Raider friend or foes in need of prayer and help, my the Raider Nation be a strong guide for all your needs in this journey through this crazy life. Peace out and Go Raiders, Andrew
2 months ago
Sad story Jeff I feel for you buddy,it takes a lot of courage to share your experience with everyone but you did it in a great way.I also had a terrible loss a few years back except it wasn´t my daughter but my younger brother Pepe who died on a freak accident,he was the biggest Raider fan south of the border and he was the one to introduce me to the Raiders in the mid and late seventies when we you used to play the Steelers every other year on the playoffs or the AFC championship games (great times to be a Raider fan ) anyway I know how much pain you must of fell .
I lived in L A for 20 years from 1980 till 2000 and I went to a lot of Raider games at the L A Coliseum and also been 2 or 3 times at The Black Hole in Oakland and been tailgating and you´re right it´s and incredible atmosphere maybe I´ll try to be there for the next Alegate in December.
I live in Los Cabos, Mexico now and it,s a great place to watch football and party at the same time,if you´re ever down here give me a call and we get together 011 52 624 143 1473 and celebrate the Raiders.........Carlos, alias Caboraider .
2 months ago
Jeff, my condolances goes out for your daughter and for your family, I have 2 girls and I can't imagine what it be with out them. Being away while fighting in Iraq for the last 2 years it's rough just being away from them. In the Marine Corps we always take care of our own and as being part of the Raider Family we to take care of our own. My prayers go out to you and your family!
Semper Fidelis (always Faithful), SSgt Orlando Jimenez
from 2 months ago
Semper Fi SSgt Jiminez. My son is also a Marine with a tour under his belt, and he and his wife are about to bless me with my first grand child any day now. May God look after you and your family.
2 months ago
To all of you who have responded, I am humbled by your condolences. Although that wasn't my goal in writing this, I appreciate your kind words. You strengthen my belief in the good of humanity. My only advice to all you parents out there, be forgiving, love unconditionally, teach your children well, and never forget their innocence.
from 2 months ago
jeff,
i am very sorry for your loss. i won't pretend to know what you feel. but on sept 8 at the coliseum i will say a prayer for you and yours before the game at Captain Kirks tailgate(corner of the parking near the day's inn). if you wander by please stop so i can give you my best in person.
TonyOakland
2 months ago
sorry or your loss i have 3 kids i am raising myself,thanks for your advice. now about the image set by the media an raider haters, i have taken several 49er fans to raider games an fans of other teams .my friends were amazed at our tailgating . there was one game last year this guy traveling alone with his motor home from a rival team parked next to us and joined us at our tailgate party and after the game somebody wrote some raider stuff on his motorhome ,i was embarassed someone did this to his motorhome after he had talked so well about raider fans, just then i guy dressed in a raiders costume with skulls noticed this guys motorhome took the shirt off his back and began to thoroughly clean his motorhome,the owner of the motorhome said it was ok and how chief games and denver games were way worst,but all this raider guy said was ,this is not what raidernation is all about,we all chipped in untill that motorhome was clean including some passerbys , that owner of that motor never got that treatment at any stadium he has been to and he has been to several he was verry impressed ,i thought that was pretty cool.
2 months ago
Wow what a touching story. Sorry for your loss you and your family are and will be in my prayers. The RAIDER NATION will survive and I'm a proud member! WIN LOSE OR TIE RAIDER TILL I DIE!!! R8DERNATION23 in Az
2 months ago
Jeff--you are an amazing guy and I look at Kristina's pic and I am just crying my friend. I am a lifelong Raider fan and like Rich, am a single father of three kids 4, 6, 10 and am raising them myself. My Grandmother lost my dad and my uncle before she went and I see that like her, your stoicism and humility is a beautiful thing to behold. I am horrified by the thought of the possibility of losing one of my offspring. I also wanted to shout out a Semper Fi to my Marine brother SSgt Jimenez. Once a Marine, always a Marine is a true proclomation. It has been 16 years since I have been in the Corps but it seems like yesterday. I appreciate you Devil Dog--A Marine/Raider Fan is near the height of honor to me. What a crew on this site. Blessings upon you and yours. Thanks for showing yourself Jeff.
2 months ago
Jeff, there arent any words i can say that you havent already heard, and obviously and unfortunately there's nothing i can say or do to take away any pain. The only thing you can do is put a smile on ur face when you remember some good memory of her and you will always smile knowing that NO MATTER WHAT TIME OR PLACE OR ANYTHING, that a member of the Raider Nation will always be there for you.
When my father died when i was 12 years old, the Raider Nation was there for me in my moments of excrutiating pain. It's great to see some sort of humanity in todays awful world. I know exactly where you're coming from and we just gotta always remember the love and the good things and JUST PLAY THE HAND YOU'RE DEALT THE BEST WAY YOU CAN...AND NEVER EVER FOLD. It takes a real man to tell your story, and this entire page shows what the men and women of Raider Nation are about.
Do what i do, dedicate every word, action, and thought to the memory of those you love
Take care brother,
A Raider fan in Connecticut
2 months ago
Wow. thanks for sharing such a beautiful, yet tragic part of your life with us, your Raider Family. My first Raider game will be this year at the Home Opener, and I look forward to being welcomed by such a wonderful 'family'
2 months ago
Jeff,
There aren't any words that I can say that you haven't heard before. My condolences to you and your family. Losing a family member is something that I've had to go through and something you never get over. I feel that you get better at dealing with it.
Even though you shared a tragic part of your life I truly enjoyed the article and want to thank you for sharing. Kristiana and her brother were blessed with a great father, and a loving family. I've been a Raiders fan and attending Raiders games for years and I can say that you and your family are true Raiders fans and excellent human beings that had to go through the unthinkable. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
You and your family have been and will remain card carrying members of the family known as the Worldwide Raider Nation. You and your family will always have our love and respect.
Take Care my Raider Brother!
2 months ago
Jeff,
Your daugther was blessed to have a father like you. Eventhough I have never personally felt the loss of a loved one yet, the article portrays your grief in a profound manner. Kristiana will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Yes, I agree that the Raider love we share is unlike any other's fanbase regardless of the sport. Once a Raider, always a Raider!
Take care, bro!
2 months ago
Wow, that literally sent chills down my spine, and I cant imagine what you have gone through, I have 3 stepdaughters and a son coming in Nov, and i know how much my kids mean to me whether they are mine or not. I am sorry for your losses. Mike 49er that was really touching and it is good to see that you have nice things to say when the occasion calls for it, I think i might have a newfound respect for you.
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