College Basketball To Get Rid of Tourney and Utilze Footballs BCS System (Humor)

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College Basketball To Get Rid of Tourney and Utilze Footballs BCS System (Humor)
Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

The NCAA announced today that it is getting rid of the basketball playoffs and adopting the model that college football utilizes to determine a national championship—the BCS.

Henceforth, the college basketball programs will be aligned along with the football programs, and the two top dogs selected by experts and computers.

“We’ve decided to showcase basketball just like college football”, stated NCAA president Jim Isch. “We realize, given the performance of Butler in the recent basketball tournament, that playoffs are for little guys. We are not little guys.  We’re big guys.  Heck, I don’t even like little guys.  I think Randy Newman was right when he sang the song “Short People”.  Leave the playoffs to the itty bitty divisions, like D-1AA, D-2 and D-3.

“We think this is best for the sport.  After all, what teams draw the largest crowds?  Shouldn’t their fans get to see them play for a national championship?  Butler?  What a joke…what next, Boise State winning the football championship…for heaven’s sake, they play on a blue field!” Isch stated.

University of Nebraska Chancellor and BCS spokesman Harvey Perlman jumped in with his thoughts. 

“It’s about time we got these pipsqueaks out of the running for the basketball title.  Just like football, they should play a real schedule during the regular season…our Big 12 boys are all worn down by the time this so called tournament begins.  Let the experts pick the top team via polling and some computers.  I for one would have much rather have seen Kansas against Kentucky playing for the championship.  They’re both from stronger conferences…why should KU get penalized for having just one bad game in a long season?”

BCS boosters noted that getting rid of the basketball playoffs will be better for the fans and the students. 

“Just like we note in our official web site, our main opposition to playoffs stems from a concern for both the fans and the athletes.  Playoffs cause the fans an inordinate amount of travel…and the kids are missing school”, said spokesman Ari Fleisher. “Now, in basketball, every game in the regular season will count…every game will be a playoff.” 

Fleisher also stated “Fans will no longer have to travel to see their favorite basketball teams play in different arenas across country…just like they might have to do if we had a four game, 32 team football playoff.  I mean, just for example, who the heck wants to have to travel to go play on a blue field? Hypothetically, of course."

"The amount of school players miss would be greatly reduced…think of it; basketball plays in spring while school is in session. Football playoffs would be in December and early January when school is not in session for most of the period.  So we’re really doing the hoops players a huge favor here, even more than the football players…because we really, really care about their academic achievement.  Honest.  Scouts honor.  Cross my heart and hope to die” Fleisher added.

BCS officials said that the fact that the current system channels over 85% of available monies to the big six BCS power conferences had “nothing, nada, zip” to do with the new plan. 

“We’re just looking to enhance the viewing opportunities and game excitement for the everyday fan,” said Fleisher. 

Officials also discounted the theory that a playoff would generate more excitement and revenue in the sport.

“Give me a break” said Pearlman. “The early rounds would be a joke…the leading independent last year was Navy…like they can beat a decent Big 12 team with eight or more wins.  And do you really think a Mountain West team like Utah could knock off someone from the SEC?  Conference USA?  When’s the last time someone like Houston beat a Big 12 team that was ranked?  Boise State?  Get real…they play on a blue field for Christ’s sake!  You think they could measure up against the Pac-10 champ?  No way, Jose!”

So it looks like the basketball playoff, and the inclusion of teams like Butler, will go the way of the dinosaur.  And we’ll get to see the ‘best” compete for the championship…just like in football.

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