The Heretic's Rebuttal: Why Turning Left Has Become Boring

There are two things that I would like to get straight right off the bat. The first order of business is that I am only ticked off about NASCAR in its present form of development. The NASCAR of old, in my opinion, is the real NASCAR and I will explain that further on.

Second and most important, I come from a racing family. I am the third generation of a “Chevy man.” I was raised in a NASCAR family, but not one of those obsessive compulsive ones that wear their favorite driver's T-shirt or has their portrait on the wall. I have lived all of my life in southern Virginia, a mere two hours from Charlotte, North Carolina, which is the epicenter of NASCAR, its history, and the location of 80% of the teams. My father raced at the famous South Boston Speedway (of which NASCAR fans should be acquainted with) for three decades, and is now in his tenth year of serving as the track's pace car driver. My father has had the distinction of putting Ricky Hendrick in the wall at SBS (albeit by accident though) and even went to a driving school with Jeff Burton in Daytona. When I was seven years old I had the great honor of meeting Dale Earnhardt at the Richard Childress Racing shop in Welcome, North Carolina. The reason why I was able to meet the great driver is because my dad also works for Snap-on Tools. Because of my dad's job we own possibly every Dale Earnhardt diecast collectible known to humanity. I have also met the great Humpy Wheeler, the former President of Lowe's Motor Speedway in Charlotte. Needless to say, NASCAR is in my blood and its fumes have been permanently scorched into my brain.

So why, the Southern boy (accent included) that I am, be able to betray the South's greatest contribution to the United States besides sweet tea and coca-cola? The answer is inherently simple. NASCAR nationalized and became a totalitarian communist towards its own drivers.

NASCAR nationalization and totalitarian communist... what the hell is this guy talking about you are probably wondering. Well, if we look and delve into the history of NASCAR, we see that it is deeply implanted into southern earth and booze running. Junior Johnson himself was locked away in a jail cell for running 'shine, only to come out of it as a dominant force in NASCAR for many years. Most of the drivers came from the south and North Carolina. In that fateful year of 2001 the France family decided to employ FOX as a TV broadcaster. This act, along with Dale Earnhardt's death at the Daytona 500, which was the first (and always first) race of the year and FOX's first broadcast, represented the zenith and high water mark of the NASCAR that many of its diehard fans oh so vehemently loved.

As for the communist bit, that is what NASCAR has become. In the old NASCAR, yes they did issue rules, but the drivers and teams treated them more like guidelines. The unseen competition that was never shown on TV was that teams always found ways around the rules in order to make their cars better. My father has told me a few stories about his short track days. He and his team would use to put a wrench in between the suspension and the body of the car in order to improve the downforce of the car for qualifying. One night, this conversation occurred between my father and a NASCAR official:

Official: “Push down on that side for me.”

My Father: “I'm sorry I can't.”

Official: “Why not?”

My Father: “I just can't!”

My Father never told me if he actually did push down on the side that hid the wrench. Another story I've heard from an actual official at South Boston Speedway, who has been there for a long time, was that one team in order to bore the engine for more power would replace one of the spark plugs with a cigarette butt. I don't know how this worked but it somehow did. According to my father, breaking the rules was “all part of the race,” not to mention the rumors that some drivers would get drunk or snort a line of cocaine before they went out onto the track.

Now since NASCAR has standardized all of the cars, all of this rule breaking is easily caught and retributions are handed down with an iron fist that would make even “Uncle Jo” roll over in his Kremlin grave.

For me, NASCAR's demise is seen in four areas and they are:

*The drivers are babies

*The cars are no longer “stock,” which the sport is based around

*The broadcasting is absolutely, without a doubt, horrific and unprofessional

*NASCAR doesn't allow the boys to race anymore.

The Drivers Are Babies

Does everyone miss the likes of Dale Earnhardt, Cale Yarborough, and Junior Johnson who would gladly give you a piece of their honest to god mind, or is it just me? In NASCAR's present state of development, the drivers do not speak their minds at all because *says in whiny voice* “They might upset their sponsors.” Aw boo freaking hoo. Did the men listed above have, or not have, sponsors? Yes they did, and they did not lose them for speaking out.

Two weeks ago I watched they very informative, controversial, and highly entertaining Wind Tunnel With Dave Despain on the SPEED Channel. I love the show because Dave tells it like it is to the bitching fans about how “Kyle Busch's car need to be checked,” blah blah bleeping blah. Anyways Dave had Kasey Kahne in the studio with him. The subject was the controversy that goes with the cautions when they are thrown. In NASCAR's present stage of development, when the caution is thrown out the field is frozen and they revert to cameras to sort out the field. In the old days the drivers would race back to the line. The controversy about it was the last caution at the Daytona race last week ended the race since it was on the last lap. Dave Despain asked Kahne whether or not he liked the system. Kahne showed hesitation at the question before he answered. His answer was around the words of actually liking the system, but he felt frustrated at times that they weren't allowed to race back to the line. So, the latter part of his statement showed his real feelings towards the system, but the young Kahne did not really speak his mind. If Earnhardt was asked about it, the man in black would have spurred into a cloud of nasty words about how NASCAR was taking the race right out of the driver's hands. Also NASCAR drivers of today are quite literally babies at 19-23 years of age. They don't show the maturity of the 30-40 year old drivers did in the NASCAR of old.

The Cars Are No Longer Stock

In the NASCAR of old, teams would quite literally buy their cars from dealerships, throw a roll cage in them, and then take them to race on the tracks. THAT is stock car racing. In today's NASCAR, the car has been standardized in every way possible. The only thing that differentiates the cars from Chevrolet-Toyota-Ford-Dodge are the engines, of which we can't see, and the grill decals. The new spoilers on the back of the cars make them look like a suped-up Rice Burner from Japan. Our Mr. Adam Amick in his latest article (at the time of this author's publication of this article) talks about the issue of bringing back the stock car, and I fully agree with his idea. Please check out the article: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/37159-saving-nascar-pt-one-race-stock-cars

The broadcasting is absolutely, without a doubt, horrific and unprofessional

The broadcasting of NASCAR is what probably irks me the most. I really believe their target audience is for people that apparently have mental retardation. We have to start out every race on FOX with: “BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY! LETS GO RACIN BOYS!” I have to mute the beginning of the race every time I watch because I don't want my IQ to drop 50 points. The irony in it all is that Darrell Waltrip thought he was better than everyone in NASCAR when he raced because he had a college education, which I'm glad he dropped that attitude. Dale Earnhardt was more than happy to “educate” him when he kindly showed him the wall a few times in their career. But hey, if you like your race starting out with that statement, to each his own. Live and let live.

SPEED channel's pre-race coverage can also be a joke, but it is sometimes pretty good though. An example of it being good would be this past week in Joliet when they took on the seriousness of Tony Stewart's jump to his new race team.

TNT's coverage at Daytona was horrible. They tried to emulate IndyCar Series' “side-by-side” coverage to no avail. Bill Webber every two minutes had to work in the advertisement which really cut into the race. Wally Dallenbach's “OOH OH MY GOD!” every time a driver looked like he was about to lose control didn't help the quality of the coverage either.

The horrific coverage isn't just in the Sprint Cup either. I can barely watch the Nationwide Series because of Andy Petree's obvious remarks that makes John Madden look like Clausewitz. Yeah, I know a car is faster when I see him passing someone.

NASCAR doesn't allow the boys to race anymore

This is the most important issue of why NASCAR in its present stage of development is boring. Today's NASCAR races don't even compare to the racing we saw in the 60s, 70s, 80s, and half of the races of the 90s. All these rules of “out of bounds” and “lucky dog passes” has destroyed the sport. The tracks aren't soccer pitches. The drivers can't beat and bang on each other anymore. If they do they get penalized and the threat of being penalized for rubbing each other hangs over the drivers' heads like the sword of Damocles. So basically the races have become “follow the leader” for 400 miles. Then when the drivers do start to rub each other it brings out a caution and if it happens on the last lap, the race is over! WHAT? The drivers can't race back to the line for the finish anymore. The caution rule is total bullshit in my honest opinion. Let the drivers race back to the damned finish line and let the race finish the way it should. In order to counteract my statement, NASCAR says “Oh we freeze the field for the driver's safety.” Isn't that why the cars are built safer now? Isn't that why every track now has the SAFER barrier? Aren't all these safety implementations mandatory to make the racing better? Well with this caution-freezing deal, NASCAR has become its own hypocrite.

All of my accusations towards NASCAR has driven me elsewhere for racing pleasure. It has landed me into the sport of “Grand Pricks” as many Americans would love to call Formula One racing, if they know it actually exists. To me, Formula One is just more exciting than NASCAR. Yes, passing doesn't frequently happen, but when it does it's spectacular. The roar of an engine wailing at 19,000 rpm gets my heart pumping instantly. The points are only awarded to the top 8 drivers and the points are very close, which makes the race for the championship a lot more exciting. By the third race in NASCAR's “Chase for the Championship,” we already know who's going to win it whereas in F1 the championship comes down very frequently to the last race or two. Also a lot of strategy is involved with F1. How much fuel should we put into the car? How many pitstops do we need to make? Which tire should we start out with? When should we pit? All of this strategy makes the race suspenseful.

They say when you go to a NASCAR race you are immediately hooked, and that is true. I've been to countless Martinsville races and I also went to the last Winston that was ever held at Lowe's (Charlotte) in 2003. I enjoy going to the races. The sound and the smell is enough to make you crave for more. I have yet to go to an F1 race, but I will sooner or later, and the sound and smell will make me scream like a little girl.

I miss the old NASCAR. The NASCAR of today, isn't NASCAR. It is just an allusion and a hollowed out shell of its former self. It's just like the Roman Principate started by Augustus. The Imperator claimed that his rule of Rome was the Roman Republic “reborn,” when in reality Augustus was king in all but name. The racing of today is just all but name.

So what is NASCAR? Lee Petty and Johnny Beauchamp in a photo finish that took three days to figure out at the 1959 Daytona 500 is NASCAR. Richard Petty and David Pearson wrecking 200 feet from the finish line at the 1976 Daytona 500 and Pearson's car limping back to the line for the win is NASCAR. Leaders Cale Yarborough and Donnie Allison wrecking on the final lap of the 1979 Daytona 500 in turn three allowing Richard Petty a half a lap behind to win is NASCAR. Cale Yarborough and Donnie Allison fighting in turn three after the wreck is NASCAR. Dale Earnhardt blatantly wrecking Darrell Waltrip at the Richmond Fairgrounds is NASCAR. What's definitely NASCAR about that situation was Earnhardt's response to the wreck: “I wasn't trying to wreck him I was just trying to rattle his cage that's all.” Earnhardt staying beside Bill Elliot  while in the grass at Lowe's during the 1987 Winston is NASCAR. Terry Labonte being spun out by Dale Earnhardt at the 1995 Goody's 500 at Bristol with Labonte winning the race by crossing the line and slamming the car into the wall is NASCAR.

And, dare I say it, in Days of Thunder when Cole Trickle (Tom Cruise) changed flat tires, screamed down pitlane, and T-boned race winner Russ Wheeler (Cary Elwes) on his victory lap is NASCAR. So many people copied that move on short tracks it became a bit of a concern to NASCAR.

These are my grievances. You are either going to like it or not, and if I offended you, too bad. Is NASCAR a lost cause on me now? No it isn't. Actually this year NASCAR is quite interesting to me because of Kyle Busch. I love “Shrub” and how he is utterly decimating the competition on the track and making Rick Hendrick look like a complete idiot for letting him go. You either like him or hate him and whether you want to admit it or not, he is the next Dale Earnhardt. Why do I say this? Because he drives like him and everyone hated Earnhardt when he first came into the sport... just like a lot of people now hate Kyle Busch.

If NASCAR would get rid of some of its ridiculous rules and let the boys race like they did so many years ago, then every week NASCAR would put on one hell of a show.