Every Jersey For World Cup 2010: The Good The Bad and The Ugly

In June, 32 nations will kick off the world's biggest tournament. There will be a worldwide audience of almost half the planet.

With that captive audience in mind, every competing team has released home and away kits for the month-long tournament.

And with FIFA's new ruling that games will be "home" and "away", every nation will get to wear all of their wares.

Here we take a quick look at some of the jerseys on offer.

The good, the bad, and the downright ugly...

South Africa

In another of Adidas' bizarre advertisements for the World Cup, we see Steven Pienaar standing tall and focused.

Unfortunately for South Africa, this might be about as tall and focused as they might get in the World Cup.

One of the smallest teams in international football, and one of the lowest ranking teams in the tournament, we could actually see the hosts being eliminated after only 11 days.

Ouch.

Mexico

After a leaked picture surfaced on the web, showing what would probably be Mexico’s World Cup Shirt, Adidas decided to release the much sought-after top.

The shirt is manufactured by adidas and features a green texture with dark red touches around the shirt. It also features a red and white round collar.

The adidas logo is featured on the top center part of the shirt with the national team emblem placed on the top left part of the shirt. The shirt is complemented with white shorts.

Bruno would be very happy to wear this effort.

Uruguay

Uruguay's sky blue jersey is one of the most iconic jerseys in international football. Combine it with black shorts and it is a gear that can sometimes be as intimidating as their fearsome tackles.

Unfortunately, Puma have done their best to make this look like something Barney would be proud of.

The light sky blue, is replaced by something resembling a Carribbean sky, with a few go faster white and gold stripes, a big red cat, and a whole bunch of little suns.

Making this jersey the equivalent of a souped up boy racer car; surprising it doesn't have a collar like a spoiler.

France

It's kind of ironic that Karim Benzema is the poster boy for adidas when Raymond Domenech leaves him on the bench for much of the time...

Anyways, this gear is the classic French style Tricolour.

The blue jersey is laced with red fine lines at a diagonal while underneath three white lines signifying honesty, truth, and peace mark the mid torso.

Just tell that to Thierry Henry or any Irish fan you might meet...

P.S.: I made that bit up about truth and honesty; good, though, wasn't it?

Argentina

You could put Lionel Messi in lingerie and he would make it look good. The most gifted player on the planet will hope to lead Argentina as far as possible in this year's tournament.

Argentina, as ever, have stayed with their traditional sky blue stripes. Actually when I think about it, I can't even think of a club that wears this gear. Which is amazing, really, because it is so nice.

The only real change this time around are the socks which have gone from white to black.

Not that you would even see Messi's feet moving when he has the ball.

South Korea

Yup, that's the South Korea jersey mark 2010.

Coming somewhere in between the Denmark jersey from Mexico 86 and the paint job on a 1999 Skoda, the SK jersey is the optimum in fashion and dynamic sweat wicking gear you'll find this side of Milan.

Nigeria

Being modeled by the invisible man, the Nigerian jersey is reminiscent of the old German away gear.

It's almost so nice it's actually hard to say anything about it. A nice dark green, subtle white trims, it nearly has the look of a fashionable tee shirt.

If anything, the decision to go with a plain gear has caused huge consternation in the most populous country in Africa, with many crying foul because the jersey isn't sparkly enough...

I like it?

Greece

"100% polyester jersey has an embroidered Greece national team crest and adidas brand logo. Adidas Climacool fabric design is ideal for warm climates."

When that is all the effort adidas put into the jersey, you know it's going to be boring, bit like their style of play, really.

England

Here we have four of England's leading lights modeling a beautiful little red ensemble with a white trim around the upper arm.

On closer inspection the photo looks more like the usual suspects...

Stevie G fresh from a night out on the town with Wayne, while the two best dads on the England panel finish off the quad by trying to look a tad respectful...

Only thing missing is Ashley Cole; where is he, surely he deserves a place up here?

Algeria

Yet another Puma v.10 jersey, a special new type of material that wicks away your sweat, or so it says on the tin.

Actually, if you look a bit closer, the right shoulder looks like it has a big stain on it. I just hope someone wasn't watching "There's Something About Mary"...

Slovenia

I shit you not. This mess of a thing is Slovenia's gear for the World Cup.

Whoever thought that mixing dark green with lime green, and then adding a lime green lightning strike across the chest was a good idea probably dresses themselves in the dark.

The purple and red boots just add insult to injury...

USA

This is the USA's third-choice strip. I just thought it was nicer than their other two.

The ol' diagonal stripe has always been one of the most underused jerseys in world football. After Peru, River Plate, and Manchester City, it's pretty hard to think of any others who use the style.

In case you're wondering, America's two other gears use the red, white, and blue in the same style.

The home gear is almost all white, with the hint of a dark diagonal stripe. The second gear is blue with a white stripe and you've seen the red, which is the best, but will probably never be worn.

Germany

Adidas have put so much bloody thought into the German jersey that they have even created a game called "Team Geist" for the World Cup.

http://www.adidas.com/campaigns/adidasdfb/content/locale/com/?strcountry_adidascom=uk

It's a bit disturbing to be honest, the first scene has the German's led by Ballack going into a dressing room and putting on non-descript gear before they are all assimilated by some Borg-style Matrix thingy...

Then you're told to save them, you have to go back in time and save their World Cup Stars...

First stop 1954 and the famous "Das Wunder Von Bern"...

Puskas always claimed the Germans were on drugs for this match, and judging by this viral campaign, they've passed the gear onto Adidas.

It's a bit of a shame that the Hungarians are reduced to huge hulking Communists in masks in the game.

Anyway, the jersey is actually nice, and in a weird twist is a German version of the gear worn by the Allies in Escape to Victory!

Instead of a red and blue pinstripe, we have a red and yellow one. Nuff said.

Australia

Nike seem to had had something of a brain fart when it came to designing jerseys for the World Cup.

They all seem to have a mishmash of colours you wouldn't normally mix, and an abundance of bloody stripes.

This is muck, but it's better than the dreaded camouflage outfit they wore in 1990, maybe they could swap with the Nigerians?

Serbia

The brain trust at Nike must have gone on holidays and let a few interns design a gear for the World Cup, and lo and behold, they have come up with Nike's best effort yet.

This is Serbia's away strip; the home gear is exactly the same, except it's red.

I just went with the white because it looks better with Nenaid Mkijis' purple boots.

Ghana

The 2009/11 Puma v.10 Ghana Away Shirt features vertical red and gold stripes, with the latter colour resembling the time in the 20th century when Ghana was a British colony and they were known as the Gold Coast.

So it would be nice if the two teams were to meet at some stage...fireworks maybe?

Netherlands

Now don't be thinking that I have developed a fetish for away jerseys. I just couldn't find the Dutch home gear.

For this one, Nike have gone with the tried and trusted and just changed the colours on Manchester United's home strip.

It's called the varsity jersey if you're interested...

Denmark

The Danish World Cup jersey has been developed by Adidas, who have come very close to replicated the Dane's classic Hummel gear of 1992 fame.

Which is apt when you realise that "Denmark’s new jersey is designed to pay tribute to the nation’s past football heroes and footballing achievements.

It also features 11 dotted lines across the chest area in recognition of the national team and the 11 players who are on the pitch for Denmark."

Japan

The Blue Samurai will be playing in their fourth consecutive World Cup, and this time they have realised that there is a huge market in replica jerseys.

Adidas have developed four kits for the Japanese, two home and two away...

One featuring adidas Techfit technology and another featuring adidas Formotion technology.

What all that means, is that one jersey will look like it has a harness on its back to make the gear tighter fitting. Normal people can wear the less revealing jersey.

Cameroon

This Cameroon jersey is pretty nice. It's the usual green that you'd expect, and it has a Puma in a menage et trois with two lions. Check out the hidden one on the shoulder...

As with Puma's African jerseys, it seems to resemble a Bedouin sheet or something that is wrapped over itself...looks like Luke Skywalker's jacket in Star Wars to me.

Italy

Here's the Italian speel that was on the official site for the new jersey...

Nel calcio italiano l’azzurro non è solo un colore. E’ uno stato d’animo. Quindi il colore è l’elemento più distintivo della nuova divisa dell’Italia.* Per la FIFA Confederations Cup™ 2009 l’Italia sfoggerà una nuova gradazione definita ‘azzurro cenere’ che richiama la tonalità di azzurro che Pozzo e i suoi uomini indossavano nel periodo del loro successo, negli anni ‘30. Anche lo stemma oversize trae ispirazione dall’era di Pozzo. Le righe verticali, che sono diventate sinonimo di PUMA King, riportano la bandiera Italiana nei dettagli tenui, mentre la stampa, nella stessa tonalità sulla maglietta e sulla giacca, sottolinea la tecnicità del tessuto.

Roughly translated, it means... we fecked up and picked a light blue jersey that we weren't happy with. So we tried to make it darker by driving a truck over it.

Paraguay

Unlike their neighbours Uruguay, Paraguay have not decided to mess with their iconic gear. A simple jersey with red and white stripes and a solid red back.

Funny the way so few international teams have used stripes, I know the vertical stripes can be quite slimming and that horizontal stripes can make you look heavier, but they are essential fashion items that everyone should have in their wardrobe. Did I say that out loud?

New Zealand

The All-Whites look to be following their rugby traditions and wearing all black for their away strip.

A real doozie of a jersey that is sure to become one of the most fashionable, especially amongst the rugby crowd that will undoubtedly become interested in New Zealand for this World Cup.

According to Nike, their World Cup 2010 kits are the most environmentally-friendly and technologically-advanced kit in football’s history. That may be true, so why do Nike have to ruin everything with those bloody awful boots, though?

Slovakia

Unlike many nations, Slovakia have decided to use this gear until after the European Championships in 2012, whereas some others will only be wearing the gear during the World Cup.

Doing the old hero pose here, you can see that it's a plain blue strip. And having knocked out their neighbours the Czech Republic in qualifying, Slovakia deserve to be heroes.

Brazil

Nobody wears yellow like Brazil wear yellow. This gear is so iconic and traditional that it has barely changed since the 1960s.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about the disco version of their blue away gear.

Anyways, "the new Nike Brazil home jersey is expected to see FIFA World Cup action on June 15, 2010 when Brazil meets North Korea. Brazil has been deemed to be the “home” team for that match."

However, it made its first on the field appearance may be in London, England on March 2 when Dungas beat the Republic of Ireland 2-0.

As expected, the Nike Brazil 2010/11 home kit is in the country’s traditional color of gold with green accents.

North Korea

Now we know why Denmark aren't wearing their red Hummel jersey; Kim Jong-Hun’s side stole it.

Ivory Coast

Now this is a doozie of a jersey. Of course it's the Ivory Coast's new away gear, but hey it's magic.

Hoop styled jerseys are very rare in international football, and this one is similar to the likes of the famous Celtic gear, but the green hoops are slightly larger.

One thing to note about horizontal hoops is that they make the body look thicker (learned that from Trinnie and Susannah) so you can imagine the fear that a rampaging Drogba in his lovely stripes is going to give defenders, he'll look twice as big as he normally does.

Portugal

The new Selecção das Quinas home strip has yet to be revealed, so we have yet another away jersey.

You just have to hate Cristiano Ronaldo. Not only is he a bloody good footballer but he can even make this effort of a jersey look good.

I chose this pic because the alternative was Nani, and I didn't want to scare anyone.

Spain

David Villa modelling La Furia Roja. The Valencia striker is being chased by a fiery bull, who might be a Brazil defender, but the fiery bull is most likely the symbolism for the adidas PR guru who decided that every national team jersey had a great story...

Switzerland

A pretty boring strip, that will be doing well to sell outside of Zurich...pretty boring city, too, I might add.

They've tried to spice it up by having a footballer kick a ball at a cat on the jersey, but it just doesn't work. At least there's a red cross for when the cat eats him, though.

Honduras

"Honduras is World Cup bound for the first time since 1982. As excitement mounts for Los Catrachos’ run at the tournament, the Honduras Joma World Cup 2010 home, away and third kits have been released."

How FIFA will accommodate and let them wear all three strips remains a mystery, but at least they've removed that massive H from the jersey for a while.

Chile

The Chile jersey as we have come to expect from almost every team in South America quite traditional.

One funny thing is though...

If you look at the crest and the logo, they look like a pair of eyes, and one of them is bashed!

Maybe I've just been looking at jerseys too long...