Tim Tebow: 2008 Heisman Winner

Is Tim "God" Tebow set to repeat his Heisman season from last year?  Will Timmy boy win the Heisman again this year, joining Archie "I Love to Wax My" Griffin?

My navigational compass points to yes.  If Tebow can get off those jugulars his girlfriend has to work out sometimes, he can easily win the Heisman one more time.

Tim loves to walk on the beach and enjoys tanning in the sun.  I think that's pretty clear when we look at his crystalline face and gorgeous smile.  He has a girlfriend with the largest breasts in the world and is a virgin. 

He helps kids in struggling countries.  He won the state championship game on a 40-yard run on a broken leg.  He's not allowed to bench because he'll get too strong. 

He has the legs of a lion and the heart of a monkey.  He has the eyes of a tiger and the arms of a buffalo.  He is God in the form of man.

As I look at the preseason Heisman "Superman-that-Hoe" Trophy watch list, there's nothing but pretenders and non-contenders to take Tim's trophy away from him.

Matt Grothe?  Out of the Big "Pat White Plays Here Too" East?  No, the Bulls won't win enough games to make the 5'10" Matt "I Need to" Gro-the a legitimate candidate.  Matthew also won't be able to get out of the enormous shadow being cast by Pat White.  By the time the season's over, Grothe will think that that shadow is being cast by Rosie O'Donnell. 

Both Matthew Stafford and Knowshon Moreno are going to have trouble winning the Heisman because the Bulldogs are going to crumble like the Vols playing in Berkeley. 

Only three teams in the last fifty years have gone wire-to-wire to win the national championship, and the 'Dawgs are no different than those other teams.  Resident SEC expert Tim Pollock would agree with me on that one.

Some might consider Michael "I Hope I Don't Have" Crab(s)tree to be a legitimate contender for Tebow's Heisman, but Michael is not.  It's going to be nearly impossible to put up the ridiculous stats he did last year with defenses focusing solely on him. 

Opposing defenses are going to focus on him like he's Thomas Brown in a swim suit contest.  He's a poor man's Malcolm Kelly and his stats are about to slide faster than Florida State's program went down the toilet.

The last real candidate I see stealing the Tim Tebow Trophy away from Tim Tebow is Patrick White out of West Virginia.  The Mountaineers have a real chance of winning a national championship this year now that they have a legitimate ball-coach at the helms. 

Couple that with Noel "I am Sooooo" Devine, and you have a legitimate threat.  I have nothing bad to say about Patrick, he's the best collegiate player to ever play the game.

But when you compare the "Best Collegiate Player to Ever Play the Game" (Patrick White) to God (Timothy Tebow), God comes out on top every time.

Despite our expert's pick that Florida will not win the SEC, they will.  Swamp monsters don't have two down years in a row. 

Percy "I Have A" Hard-in won't let it happen.  He's been hitting those weights with a newfound fury ever since that loss to the Michigan "We Lost To App State But Are Still Better Than the SEC" Wolverines.

Timmy boy is God, and therefore he will win the Heisman.  He's the best to ever live.  The real question is will he stay to win his third.