I Think I Can Coach DePaul Basketball

Quick. Raise your hand if you’re under 30, love college basketball, and can remember when DePaul basketball was actually good.

Can’t do it? Neither can I.

DePaul basketball in my basic lifetime has had only short periods of greatness with players like Quentin Richardson and Bobby Simmons, guys who made it to the NBA.

Not to mention that once upon a time, the Blue Demons were coached by a grandfatherly figure in Ray Meyer, who led the Blue Demons to two Final Fours and coached greats like George Mikan, Terry Cummings, and Mark Aguirre during his 42 years as head man in Lincoln Park.

So to sum it up, DePaul basketball has had some great teams—the only problem is that most of those teams were before my time.

On Monday, while I was spending useless time on Twitter between classes, I read an announcement about a job opening. Knowing that I didn’t want anything like last summer, when I spent like seven weeks after being let go from a temp job on my mom’s couch and Twitter, I decided to take a look at it.

Except instead of a summer job, this was something bigger.

The powers that be at DePaul University, which is a Catholic institution like Christian Brothers, decided that since they couldn’t find their own version of John Calipari, the best way to get interest was by posting an ad on the Internet.

Meaning that anyone who was the anti-Bobby Gonzalez, which would make for 80 percent of the coaching world, could get a chance at coaching the worst basketball program in the Big East.

Including me.

“I’m planning to apply for the head job for DePaul basketball,” I said to former CBU basketball player Kyle Couvion on Wednesday night.

“DePaul?” he asked, “Where’s that?”

Now mind you, Couvion is from Dayton, which has a Catholic university that at least tries to win in basketball.

“It’s in Chicago,” I replied, “They’re desperate.”

On Tuesday, during the show, I mentioned my desire to coach basketball at DePaul to my friend and neighbor “Ducky” Shute.

“Promise me,” I said, “that if I get the job, you and the rest of the crew come up to Chicago and frequent the many bars they have in Lincoln Park.”

“I’ve never been to Chicago,” she said to me.

“Then it would be perfect if I get it,” I said. “Wrigleyville has the best bars in the city, and you guys can have drinks on me.”

"Sweet," she said.

After mentioning this to my friends, I realized something.

There's no way the Blue Demons are going to take a chance on hiring a kid who's still in college to run their basketball program.

However, in order to make DePaul basketball mean something in Chicago once again, the right hire has to be made, and the administration needs to make a strong commitment to the program.

Then maybe the blue-chippers will consider playing in Chicago.