Since we are now within a week of NCAA '09 coming out, I've been waiting for the Bible/Torah/Koran/Phil Steele to be written for the game. You know...something everyone can have on their wall as the 'Be All, End All' of rulings and etiquette for the game.
If someone else isn't going to write it, I'm going to have to throw it out there.
- The person's house/apartment/trailer/front yard that you are playing in gets first choice: Home or Visitor OR team choice. Not both. Suck at calling a virtual coin-flip but really good with Air Force? You know what to do. Person who first showed up at whomever's place of residence gets the call button if the home person isn't playing. Running late? You're going to get about as much say as Tina Turner did at the dinner table.
- You cannot play with the same teams. You are a douche if you even bring it up.
- Showing up with your own game in a custom cover means "You don't wanna f**k with this guy." +1 in the bad ass column if you take the time to print the cover off and cut it so it fits the case. +5 if you Photoshop yourself into the cover. You, sir, are a god in my eyes.
- Sure, you can use Kansas. By doing so, you fully admit that you're lame.
- If you have a slow white guy at QB, and you have a faster, non-white guy as a backup, you can't bring in the backup unless your starter gets lit up and injured. I'm looking at you Todd Today's Must Reads
- One team is off limits: Florida. They are always the best overall team. You are pathetic if you have to use UF. Using UF is the equivalent of the 'dick out hole' in golf—you're vulnerable to verbal abuse forever. You had better win, or it's something that guy with Oregon State won't forget. Losing with Florida is similar to losing to Von Kaiser in Punch-Out.
- West F**kin' Virginia is the best offensive team in the game. You suck? Use them. Yep, they are even better than Mizzou. Think: better RB (Noel Devine) and Chase with speed (Pat White). You're about to give up 50-plus anyway, so throw up 60 and pray that ragtag defense can hold together. Be warned—the receivers on WVU have less of a chance of catching the ball than "No Hands Ron" from 105.7 The Point, so be ready to run. Running the ball is a hell of a lot easier than passing anyway.
- Don't run the same blitz play every down. It's not Tecmo Bowl. You have more plays than that, you pansy.
- You may, however, run the same thing on offense. Expect to get lit up though. If using tOSU, I'd suggest the QB draw until Boeckman's kneecap ends up on the other hash mark. Then refer to the "Terrelle Pryor Rule." Jackpot.
- Down by 28 after the first quarter? Like a bad marriage, you're in it until the other party gives up too. Expect to get routed.
- With the above beatdown rule in effect, even in a 76-7 smoke job, both players may celebrate like they hooked up with Miss August after any touchdown or big hit. If you're good enough to lead by 69 (hee hee), and you give up a late fourth quarter TD, they have the right to celebrate. But when you take the ensuing kickoff to the house, you must celebrate like you just won the Super Bowl.
Got a rule to add? Use the comments. And since you'll be in your basement for the next three weeks recruiting for the 2024 season, I'll be upstairs with your mom. She makes the greatest meatloaf. Make sure you turn the sound way up...this may take awhile.
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about 1 month ago
no using the ath backup quarterback??
am i not allowed to pitch on the option either???
using your personel to your advantage is what football is about.
but i'm just kidding, i thoroughly enjoyed this read and am really looking fwd to the game (which reminds me i have to go reserve a copy today).
about 1 month ago
"Sure, you can use Kansas. By doing so, you fully admit that you're lame." Hilarious
about 1 month ago
Yeah I HATE this last week waiting for the game, at least I have the demo to tide me over.
You talk about using WVA, last year I played a guy who said the option sucks and could stop it. So, I picked WVA and ran the option every time. When I was up by 35 late in the 4th he finally said, Stop running the @$#@% ball!" So instead I used the option pass and got another quick TD.
It should not just be using Florida. We always had a rule where, once the first guy made his pick, he can only pick a team five rankings higher (he can of course pick any team ranked below as well).
about 1 month ago
Great article, this last week is taking forever... The only problem I have is subbing in the faster quarterback, u have to do that sometimes when u need an easy first down.
Otherwise, great article, can't wait until the game comes out.
about 1 month ago
Funny stuff. Love the QB rule. Played against someone las tyear who would put McFadden in at quarterback and he's throwing perfect passes and running aroung all over the place. Completely ridiculous.
Also I really hope it's harder to block field goals in the game this year. I knew a guy who had it down pat he could block your field goal or PAT every time. Completely unrealistic and it was stupid. Hope they fix that.
about 1 month ago
Good article. Does anyone know if there are D1-AA team in 09?
about 1 month ago
The No Florida rule should go to FSU as well. EA Tiburon is in Orlando and they have a tendency to overrate the teams. Case in point: FSU is a 94 overall
about 1 month ago
The ability to block FG's was too easy, in saying that years past have been nearly impossible. The best thing to do is to play dynasty with a crap team and win the national title, and get invited to a good league.
about 1 month ago
When playing online, don't continuously try to make the game longer just because you're getting blown out. It's your fault you suck; not the guy who's bashing your brains in...
- no unnecessary timeouts
- no waiting until the game automatically selects a return formation after giving up yet another score
- no delay-of-games every other play
- no wiggling your ISP connection to simulate a network problem
- no waiting for the play clock to read '1' before snapping the ball
finally...
- NO QUITTING!!! You may not care about your rating/stats, but everyone else does.
about 1 month ago
Thomas, no D1-AA teams I believe. There hasn't been any mention of it and EA gave out ratings so I assume no D1-AA teams.
As for another rule,
"Picking the game up at midnight of the release date defines the ultimate fan. However, showing up as a 40 year old man in your team jersey, team lounging pants, and team slippers as you sing your team's fight song in line means you need to skip a year of the game and go into a rehab program, or get a woman. Seriously."
about 1 month ago
Just to add another rule I didn't see... no kneeling the ball to run the clock out at the end of the game if you are up by 8 or less.... stop being a pussy and run it up the middle!
about 1 month ago
Oh man, that was an excellent read. Great job!
about 1 month ago
Great article!! I love the "Terrelle Pryor" rule.
about 1 month ago
I do think there should be one exception to the "Terrelle Pryor" rule though, and that is Virginia Tech. I don't know who NCAA 09 will have starting, but if its Sean Glennon, you should be able to sub in Tyrod Taylor because he will play a lot of snaps.
about 1 month ago
its soo awsome
about 1 month ago
But yet your allowed to sub a slower QB? Leak -----> Tebow haha
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