The myriad of diversity in our great state has led to some incredible high school nicknames. Budgets get cut, schools get merged or dissolved and some names are lost forever to the sands of time. Here are some of my faves from days past, as well as some musings on names I would LOVE to see:
The Acworth Camels are completely unique. Not intimidating, but certainly unique. I'd imagine cheers were hard to come up with. "Hump 'em Camels!" "Spit on 'em, Camels!" Nothing really works there.
The Attapulgus Amazons are the only solely female name to make the list. If there were ever a town name that would lend itself well to the Fighting Octopi, it'd be Attapulgus. Such was sadly not the case. However, what you have in the Amazons is totally unique. Imagine King Leonidas' troops. Now imagine them getting their heads handed to them by girls. Welcome to the feminine ferocity that the Amazons evoke.
Stephen Black alluded to the Commercial Typists of Atlanta, but not the Savannah Commercial Cobras? Think how great it'd be to have a uniform matching any of these:
Purple uniforms based on Globo Gym from Dodgeball. Black uniforms based on Cobra Kai from The Karate Kid. My undoubted front runner for a potential cobras uniform though, would have to include the GI Joe cobra logo on them. Such awesome possibilities are now lost to the sands of time. That being said, whoever came up with the Typists was probably awesome to have at parties. I imagine them being able to play bridge with the best of them.
From the northern border of our state hail The Blue Ridge Railbirds. Know what a rail bird is? Neither do I. Not intimidating, but once again unique.
One can only wonder if the Faceville Scarlet Tide was also the girls' team's mascot. The level of wrongness there is beyond comprehension.
Lakeshore gave us the Lancers. I'm sure their mascot looked like a knight but how neat would it be if it were medically themed. "Tar 'em, Feather 'em, boil 'em in Oil! Lakeshore Lancers! We'll bust you like a Boil!"
The coolest town name with the lamest mascot goes to the Mystic Cornhuskers. Imagine you've got a school name that literally begs for a cool sounding mascot. You go down the list: Wizards, Mages, Warlocks, Oracles, Miracles, they all sound cool. Instead, you pick Cornhuskers. I hope to heaven it's because your boss is a Nebraska alum and you have NO other choice.
Ocilla has the dubious distinction of not having one but three former great names (Orphans, Aces, and Terrapins). Terrapins would be especially cool. I can see the Grateful Dead-album cover-themed mascot now. Orphans is also so unique that I've never seen it before but one wonders why they chose it. Was there ever an orphanage in town? There's plenty of mascots that begin with O that one could go with in their stead: Orioles, Octopi, Ocelots. Upon listing these I now realize why they went with orphans.
Poplar Springs gave us The Purple wasps. Wasps wasn't scary enough. What can we do to make it sound better? Purple Wasps was suggested and for some unknowable reason they ran with it. Purple animals never live up to their potential. Look at Barney. I think rather than purple they should have gone with the word "hairy" instead. The last time I had a hairy flying insect in the car with me I screamed like a girl.
The Smith Fighting Smithies, albeit obviously the laziest name on our list, is also one of the best and most unique. I defy you to find another "Fighting Smithies" anywhere in the world. In addition to that a blacksmith is such a cool symbol. He's a strong man. He's fireproof. He wields a hammer. He bends metal using his hands! I really love this name.
The Winterville Sky Riders have to be one of a kind as well. What do you think they were imagining here? My guess is a type of spectral cowboy. Cool sounding name.
Warrenton is the Screaming Devils but they were once the Boll Weevils. Watch out! They'll eat your cotton!
One of the only entirely african-american schools on here are the Cuyler Phantoms. Remember Phanto from Super Mario Bros. 2? That's your mascot! Cuyler is no longer in existence since the state integrated. The mascot would've been appropriate. A face where one side is one color and one side is another, indicating two groups coming together to acheive a common goal.
And finally another name alluded to in Mr. Black's article: The Sandersville Satans! Best...name...ever. I can only imagine that they have Baphomet as their mascot. It's blasphemous as an added bonus. Not enough really evil names out there. I keep waiting on the Armuchee Armageddon or the Greenbrier Genocide or even for Milledgeville to buy the rights to the old Memphis Maniax logos. No luck on any of those, but I can dream, can't I?
As for Mascots that I want to see:
Granite Golems: Elbert County is screaming for this name.
Cairo Pharoahs: It'd rhyme and be more relevant since Roddenberry's closed.
Swainsboro Swarm: I'm imagining an amalgam of the Tech and UGA logos. A Red and Black Bee. I can't decide whether everyone would love it or hate it.
Monroe Mongols: The team that lays waste to entire civilizations and beheads everyone higher than a wagon wheel. I can see the cheer now: "Crush Your Enemies. Watch Them Tremble Before You. Hear the Lamentations of the Women!"
Finally, I've noticed a lot of older teams had sci-fi and space themed names: Astros, Dynamos, Atom Smashers, Comets, etc. Sadly there are very few teams left today and it with that, I wish to close.
Behold the Crowning Jewel of team names that need to exist: The Clinch County Klingons! Imagine that great, yet hauntingly simple cheer of: "Death to the opposition!"
Compared to the names of the past, the names of today aren't nearly as colorful. How many Lions, Tigers, and Bears do we really need? I can only hope that on a December Friday night, sometime in the future the entire state is treated to a contest between the Satans and the Cobras for the AA state title.
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