NFL News Wire Rundown: July 7th

Holy crap am I having writer's block right now. It's either the 17 hot dogs I ate on the fourth or the massive nirvanical (shut up that's a word now) breakdown I had yesterday watching the Nadal-Federer match, the best tennis match of my lifetime, but whatever the case, I can not think of a good way to introduce today's Rundown for the life of me. So I'm just gonna boast about being published on Fox Sports here, and get on with the news.

Seahawks Starter Still In the Air

Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren doesn't plan to name a starting tailback until late in training camp.

"You know Mo (Morris) and Julius (Jones) are going to carry the ball a good portion of the time," Holmgren said. "Leonard (Weaver) is going to be our starting fullback. The one I have to figure out a little bit is how we are going to use (T.J.) Duckett." Holmgren has stated that he wants to use a committee and doesn't plan on giving one primary back 25 carries in any game. We wouldn't use a top-fifty fantasy pick on any member.

When your choices are Julius Jones, Maurice Morris, and TJ Duckett, you would put off facing the issue and making a decision for as long as possible too.

No One Will Take Brad Johnson's Role as the Crappy Backup In Dallas

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says the team has no interest in bringing competition for Brad Johnson to training camp.

"All the confidence," Jones said. "A lot of confidence in Brad. Had real good camps and real good work." A Fort Worth Star-Telegram report just after last season indicated Johnson would not be back in 2008, but he has two years left on his deal and will remain Tony Romo's clipboard holder. If Romo gets hurt, the weapons in Dallas could allow Johnson to approach QB1 numbers.

Jerry told the paper that he is sure that Brad is the best man for the job, saying that he has the strongest forearms he's seen in a long while, and, when paired with his extremely neat handwriting, there's no reason for him to bring in anyone else to hold the clipboard.

Cleveland to Jurevicius: Don't Come Back Anytime Soon

The Browns have told Joe Jurevicius to not try to rush back from knee surgeries.

Jurevicius is 33 and does not figure to heal quickly. Cleveland Plain Dealer reporter Terry Pluto says the Browns don't plan to add a veteran wide receiver as insurance. Still, Eric Parker would seemingly make too much sense for the Browns to pass if he's released.

Translation: You pretty much suck, and we don't really want or need you to return. Despite your super cool name, we're going to acquire someone to replace you and push you out of the picture, but make it seem casual and nice by giving the idea that we are sincerely concerned with the health of your knee and want you to make sure it fully recovers.

Oh by the way, Terry Pluto goes in the category with Bucky Brooks of journalists who will have every single report they make discussed in this column because of their incredibly nirvanical names.

Whitner Guarantees a 2008 Playoff Berth For the Bills

Donte Whitner says he is "guaranteeing" that the Bills will make the playoffs this season.

It would be Buffalo's first postseason appearance this decade; a winning record would mark the Bills' second since 1999. The Bills need to stay healthy, but they have enough nice young pieces in place to make a run at a Wild Card spot.

Donte graduated college with a 3.7 GPA. I may actually believe this guarantee. When I evaluate the legitimacy of guarantees, I expect the guarantor (that's really a word, I swear) to at least have had a C average. You hear that Anthony Smith?

 

Martz To Not Utilize Three Receiver Packages?

"Early indications" are that the 49ers will not feature their third wide receiver in the passing game, according to the Sacramento Bee.

This could be speculative since the 49ers haven't even decided on a QB yet, let alone a receiver depth chart. Arnaz Battle is San Francisco's presumptive third receiver at the moment, but the team may go with two tight ends or running backs more often than most Martz teams, which will limit the chance of a Shaun McDonald-like explosion from Battle.

I don't really have anything to say here, there are very few fantasy players in San Fran that have any value anyway, but I just wanted to let it be known that "The Sacramento Bee" is the worst titled newspaper I've ever seen. That's more like the name of a cartoon, not a major journalistic venue.

 

Tatupu Gets a DUI

Lofa Tatupu pleaded guilty to a charge of driving under the influence Monday.

Tatupu initially pled not guilty, but changed his plea. He was sentenced to one day in jail and fined $1,255. If Tatupu gets another DUI, he'd probably be suspended. But he should be fine to play 16 games this season.

Another NFL alcoholic. My guess is that he inherited this. There is no possible way that his parents were sober when they named him Lofa. They had to have been drunks too.

 

McKelvin To Be Sprinkled On Returns

Bills.com writer Chris Brown believes that first-round pick Leodis McKelvin will only be "sprinkled in" on returns as a rookie.

McKelvin, a prolific college returner, may only be used to give PR Roscoe Parrish and KR Terrence McGee breathers. Brown suggests that the Bills could use a "double return" look on punts to exploit mismatches in certain instances.

Brown also reported that wide receiver Lee Evans will be salted in the passing game and that quarterback JP Losman is going to be cheese grated off the roster.