Throwing Tomatoes: Shattered Hearts and Other Things Broken

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Throwing Tomatoes: Shattered Hearts and Other Things Broken

Throwing Tomatoes – Volume IX

It’s all about things being broken this week. Broken bones, broken hearts—and as painful as it sounds, even a testicular fracture. Before I become a broken record, let’s just get to the tomato throwing:

 

Seattle SuperSonics and its Ownership

…for packing up and moving to Oklahoma City. 

It’s always tough to see a team move. I feel for the fans of Seattle—for a lot of reasons. The Mariners enter the season with hype and falter. The Sonics never quite got it done in the '90s. Now they add a potential star in Kevin Durant, only to have their team pack up and leave for the nation’s heartland.

 

A-Rod’s Love Life 

…for finding a way to get all intertwined into the sports pages. 

If I wanted to read about A-Rod and something besides his game—baseball game, that is—I would pick up a Cosmo or People, or maybe even turn on TMZ. The only splitting I want to hear about is his bat after a high-and-tight fastball. (Unless soon-to-be ex Cynthia has some more vulgar shirts, perhaps directed at Madonna. Maybe A-Rod has one for Lenny Kravitz—such as: “If You Can’t Say No”, then don’t “Dig In” with an “American Woman”. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

 

Chris Snyder 

…for not taking better care of the “family jewels.” 

Poor Chris Snyder. He’s on the DL. But wait, it gets worse. He’s out with a testicular fracture. A busted nut, if you will. The irony is, Snyder was replaced on the Arizona roster by Robby Hammock. Get well soon, Chris.

  Michael Beasley 

…for getting injured minutes into the Heat’s opening camp practice. 

Okay, fine, so it’s a cracked bone. That still counts as being broken. I get that he can still play—but stemming off the drama that already existed with Pat Riley apparently not being crazy about the pick, now this happens to Beasley in his opening practice? Get ready for some drama on South Beach this year.

 

George Sherrill 

…for not trusting his fastball. 

Blowing a save hurts a closer—and a team. But how about blowing back-to-back games when your team has the lead, two outs, and two strikes in the ninth inning. That’s what Sherrill did last week. I believe both pitches were on hanging sliders, too.

  The Brett Favre Saga 

…for not going away. 

This tomato is not directed at Favre himself, but more so at the rumors and sources that desperately continue to resurrect stories on Favre making a triumphant return to “Cheeseland”. C’mon, people—let’s figure this story out and put it to bed.

  Aaron Rodgers 

…for ticking off some of the best fans in football. 

Aaron Rodgers has upset Green Bay fans already and he hasn’t even taken the field yet. To further explain, Rodgers was quoted as saying “I don’t need to sell myself to fans, they need to get on board now or keep their mouths shut.” I wonder if the Brett Favre rumor came out to try and “stir the pot” more, perhaps making some Green Bay fans long for their Hall of Fame QB to change his mind and return for one more year?

Rodgers later apologized, but something tells me he’ll still hear some boos at Lambeau Field when the season starts.

  The Colorado and Florida Pitching Staffs

…for giving up 35 runs and 43 hits in one game 

Okay, so I throw a tomato at the pitching staffs of the Marlins and Rockies for their Fourth of July slugfest that provided fans with plenty of offensive fireworks. It was like teeball out there. Still, how I wish I was one of the fans sitting in the seats at Coors Field on the night when Colorado walks off with a crazy 18-17 victory over the Marlins. Now that’s exciting!

  Troy Tulowitzki 

…for injuring himself out of frustration. 

It’s just been one of those years for the Colorado shortstop. This time, he’s visiting the DL due to a cut on his hand that required stitches. How’d he get it? Try by slamming his bat down, only to have it slice his hand open. That’s call for an extra-large tomato—and a little Neosporin too.

  People Drinking Wimbledon “Haterade” 

…instead of watching the Finals this weekend. 

Tennis fan or not, if you missed this weekend’s Wimbledon finals, then you missed something special. Especially on the men’s side, where Rafael Nadal was able to knock off five-time Wimbledon champ Roger Federer in a match that lasted nearly five hours.

  The Orioles on Sunday

… and the fact that they just can’t win. 

Make that 13 consecutive losses for the Baltimore Orioles on Sundays. Yes, that’s 13. The O’s haven’t won on Sunday since the opening week of the season, with the latest setback being a difficult 11-10 loss to the Rangers at Camden Yards. Maybe the Baltimore faithful can give Adam “Pacman” Jones a call. I hear he can make it rain and he’s free on Sundays until the fall. Oh wait, that’s...nevermind.

  Tyson Gay 

…for only qualifying for the 100m in the upcoming Olympics. 

Gay suffered a severe cramp during the 200-meter Olympics Trials race, therefore knocking him out of the competition for a medal in Beijing. One of the fastest men on the planet, and because of a cramp, he won’t have a shot.

  Honorary Tomato Throwers of the Week 

Because those who found success earn a chance to sling one at their opposition  Milwaukee Brewers – at the NL Central, after reportedly trading for Cleveland ace C.C. Sabathia. 

Kyle Busch – at the NASCAR field, after winning his sixth race of the 2008 season.   This has been “Throwing Tomatoes”… let the countdown begin until the next “Brett Favre to Return” rumor surfaces.

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