Three “Freak Show” Fights That Need to Happen For My Own Sick Enjoyment

Robert GardnerSenior Analyst IFebruary 26, 2010

This is not your average list of dream fights or would be matchups that the MMA community is clamoring for. Instead, this is a list dedicated to my own sick and twisted infatuation with “Freak Show” fights.

It’s really hard to explain what exactly it is about a “Freak Show” fight that I love, but I never pass up on the opportunity of watching two men go at it that honestly have no business being in the ring together.

Without further ado, here are the three “Freak Show” fights I need to see.


Bob “The Beast” Sapp vs. Tim “The Maniac” Sylvia

Oh, what a difference a couple years make—just a few shorts years ago Tim Sylvia was a perennial contender for the UFC heavyweight title, and now he is simply a joke.

What better way to drive that fact home than by having Sylvia square off with “Freak Show” staple, Bob Sapp?

In one corner you would have the hulking 6’4” 340lb Sapp, and in the other corner you would have the sloppy bodied giant, Sylvia.

You could be amazed, horrified, grossed out, and let down all in the span of about two minutes—if the fight were to go any longer than that one of the competitors would become a serious heart attack risk.


BJ “The Prodigy” Penn vs. Jose “I Sell Out My Friends” Canseco

While many MMA enthusiasts would love nothing more than to never hear Jose Canseco’s name uttered anywhere near MMA talk, I think he still has yet to receive the beating he deserves for breaking the locker room code.

Sure, his book helped to shed light on a glaring problem in baseball that needed to be addressed, but in mentioning specific names and activity Canseco crossed a line that is held sacred in all sports—what goes on in the locker stay in the locker room.

Think of it this way—would you like one of your friends telling your wife or significant other about what you did at a bachelor party? I didn’t think so.

BJ Penn is the perfect man to deliver that beating.

Not only is Penn supremely talented, but he is much smaller than the 6’4” 240lb Canseco, making the beating he would undoubtedly reign down that much more embarrassing.


Don “The Predator” Frye vs. Chuck “Nicknames Are For Pussies” Norris

What happens when Walker Texas Ranger squares off with the most legendary mustache in all of MMA?


On second though, there is no way a match of this magnitude could ever take place, because if Don Frye and Chuck Norris were ever to be in the same place at the same time the space time continuum would be ripped to shreds.